A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In the past 7 years I've had the career from HELL. I would love to know if there are any of you out there who have had similar experiences. At the moment, I feel ashamed of myself and that this has all been my own fault somehow.After finishing school and completing a year long computer course, I felt I had the world at my feet. I couldn't wait to get into fulltime work and start earning my own money! I found a job in a small accounting firm with 14 other staff members. I worked hard for the small pay I got, but never complained because I had nothing to compare it with - I was just thankful to have my own pay. There were people in the company who would make sleazy comments and had wierd senses of humour and at times some of the things they said would upset me, but I would never let them know that. Overall, I loved my job and felt really happy and independent.The owner of the company was an absolute creep, but I ignored him and kept busy with my work. One day, I arrived at work to find that he'd fired my boss and 2 days later, a new woman appeared out of nowhere and took her place.This woman kept very quiet for the first few months. Now that I think back, she was probably quietly sussing out the different personalities in the office. Figuring out who lacked confidence and who was the most sensitive and easily manipulated. She was the Admin Manager and I was the Administrator. She was my direct boss and she only had ME reporting to her. A few months into her job, after I'd trained her up on HER job, she begun making my life hell. It was all indirect and I never thought it was HER. But things seemed to continously go wrong around me and I would get the blame for things I'd never done. When I tried to defend myself, I was accused of 'shifting the blame onto others.' No matter what card I played, I seemed to always be in the wrong.When I would leave for lunch, she would sit in my office and I suspected she would be going through my computer to see what I might have sent. (I used to send my boyfriend a couple of 1 lined emails every morning letting him know how I am, or telling him the old ROTWEILER is at it again. I tried to tell myself to stop being paranoid and ask myself why a 'manager' would waste their time reading someone's personal emails.. I put it out of my mind.I endured a year of utter hell in that job. Towards the end, I would be pulled into meetings on a daily basis, without notice.. and when I went to the boss's room, there would be the ROTWEILER with a list of notes about everything I'd said or done wrong in the past morning. I'm talking about things like, leaving a bit of water on the bench in the kitchen or hanging the towel in the toilet up crooked. This would be enough to cause INSANITY for most people, but I plodded on.. thinking I could please the nutcases.In the end, I started receiving official warnings for things like having more than 1 twinkpen in my drawer (which was probably planted there).. and not attending the Christmas party at the end of the year - can you blame me? I even had to write a report on why I put a peice of mail in the wrong tray, but I'd clearly remembered putting it in the top tray, not the bottom. I did the report though, without question.On the day I resigned, the owner gave me my resignation back and told me to think about it over the weekend. I was a little taken back.. maybe he wasn't as bad as I'd thought.When I got back to my office, I overheard him and the ROTWEILER chatting about what had happened on the phone.. in front of me.. chuckling away in laughter. I then marched back into his office and slammed my resignation on his desk to which he replied, "I knew this was coming" and turned his computer screen around to show me ALL the emails I'd sent to my boyfriend that the ROTWEILER had been forwarding for months. Several days and even more disciplinary meetings later, I went off to lunch one day but couldn't bring myself to walk back into the building to work out my notice and my boyfriend had to go in and tell them I wouldn't be back. Later, when I'd begun the first stage of taking out a personal grievance against them (that I was too emotionally weak to continue), I received a squeaky clean personnel file from them which said that the towels in the bathroom were messy and my boyfriend was 'immature'. Yes, you read right.Wouldn't YOU leave under those circumstances to save your sanity? That's what I did.I went on to work at another small company - a tertiary institution. This was an absolute disaster. It seemed that I'd walked out of the lion's den and straight into the snake pit. Before long, the same bullying started happening again. At first, I put it down to paranoia, since I was still very vulnerable and shaken up.. but overtime I began to see the same pattern forming - the impossible deadlines, the endless pointless meetings. In both these companies, I went from being highly respected and having my performance praised by every other staff member, to being isolated. In my first job, the staff who I had once thought were my friends, stood by and watched as I cried over my desk everyday wondering why this was happening. Looking back now, I know they were all afraid of receiving the same treatment if they stood up for me.I braved the 2nd job for 6 months, but with what I had been through I needed to leave to take a rest. I just felt like it was all too much de ja voo.Fortunately, the 3rd job was fantastic. This time, I had gotten work in a huge corporate company and made so many friends. It seemed for the first time in my working life, I was free from any bullying and was no longer the victom! My confidence quickly grew and over time, I put most of what I'd been through behind me.My contract ran out after 1 1/2 years and I was back to looking for work again. I ended up working for a marketing agency - another small company.This was by far the best job I ever had. For once, I really enjoyed the work and discovered a creative flair I didn't know I had. I completely excelled and the agents enjoyed giving me more and more responsibility, as I was clearly talented in what I was doing. When I started in this job, I had those same familiar fears start to return. I had never felt this way in the big corporate job I'd had.. and wondered whether this was my instincts telling me there were some similarities with the people here and to be on guard for trouble. Again, I told myself I was being too paranoid and dismissed my thoughts.A fortnight into the job, my direct boss, again - the Administration Manager - begun putting me down and becoming impatient that she had to train me on the systems. She was so horrible to me, that the owner of the company took me out for lunch and had a heart-to-heart with me. He explained that every other staff member in my job had left because of this woman and he wanted me to be different - he wanted me to stand up for myself. He made me promise that I'd be assertive and not let her push me around or force me out of my job.The Admin Manager's mood quickly changed and she shouted me out for a coffee to apologise. Once again, I felt relaxed and ready to move forward.. that was, until the fortnightly 'productivity meetings' started. I was doing so well and taking on more and more work. The agents couldn't be happier with me and I was sure these fortnightly meetings would be positive feedback or constructive suggestions as to how we could improve systems.The Admin Manager was the same as all the others I'd worked with - limited intelligence, hated change, an absolute control freak - had the typing and spelling abilities of a 6 year old. So when she opened the meeting by telling me she doesn't like the STYLE I type or the way in which I take on extra work and still meet the other deadlines, I put my foot down and told her this was a waste of my time. She had nothing productive to say and I quickly gathered from the next few meetings that she was only out to nit-pick everything I did, while I was supposed to forget that I spend most of my day fixing her errors because the staff are too afraid to bring them back to her (as they've repeatedly told me).I did what I'd wanted to do in the 2 other small office jobs I had - I put my foot down.. I defended myself.. I was professional, yet assertive. I to this day, don't feel I could've handled the situation any better.Getting pulled into a disciplinary meeting for calling in sick one day was the icing on the cake!The more I stood up for myself in a meeting, the closer the next one would be.. until once again.. everyday there was a meeting.The owner of the company, who had once admitted to what my boss was like and warned me about her.. had done a complete 180! He was now standing by everything the Admin Manager said and I was out in the cold. How could I fight with 2 bosses?Finally, I was pulled into a meeting where the owner said one of us would have to leave and I was the newest. The Admin Manager wasn't called into this meeting of course, this was primarily to shoo ME out of the company. Feeling absolutely ragged after so many meetings I told him that if he wanted to fire me to just go ahead.. but of course he knew he couldn't do that legally. He would have to force me out first. 2 days later, he then arranged yet ANOTHER meeting where he felt my direct boss and I could talk through our differences. He would of course be there to 'mediate' but I knew it would be nothing but a big gang up on me - the 2 bosses with the 2IC on one side of the table and me on the other. I wasn't going to go into the gorilla enclosure alone, so I brought my boyfriend along as a 'support person' which scared the hell out of them (he's in a very high powered job).He brought along a HUGE book and pen and attempted to note down everything that was said during the meeting. This was the ONE thing I can actually look back on fondly and laugh at. You should've seen their faces when he clicked his pen on to note down their ramblings! He had my boss almost pooping in his pants. At the time, I knew this would probably be my last official day working there and I would give my notice the next day. I just needed my boyfriend to be there to witness the dynamics and tell me whether I'd just gone insane myself and was imagining it all.The meeting served no purpose than to nit-pick every little thing.. why did I say this to the Admin Manager when she was my 'friend' and 'looked out for me'... a load of #### I kept trying to focus the meeting onto the topic of my performance.. afterall, you would think that may have a LITTLE bit to do with all this wasted time. The owner only yelled at me: "For God's sake, this is nothing to do with your performance!!! Your performance is fine, we don't have a problem with that!!!" At the end of the meeting, the Admin Manager asked me if I could give her a hug and I remember the look of DISGUST on my boyfriend's face. He knew what game they were playing.On his way out of the meeting he leant over to me and whispered, "They're insane - get out.. leave!" That was enough for me, and I gave my notice the next day.The day after I resigned, I asked one of the agents for a reference and explained why I was leaving. She said she'd have no hesitation in writing me one as she thought so highly of my work abilities. The owner had walked past at the time I asked this and I hoped he didn't hear.The next day, one of the agents came up to me and told me that the agent I'd asked for the reference from was telling everyone that I'd sued every company I'd ever worked for. This upset me more than anything else.. even the AGENTS were turning on me.. and I had stayed late so many nights and done extra work for them in my OWN time so my boss wouldn't yell at me! I really cared about the agents and wanted them to succeed, as they all work on commission.During the next sales meeting I was tidying some brochures outside the room and put my ear to the door. The owner was explaining to the agents why I was leaving and none of it was true. He claimed I had caused them so many problems and there were a LOT of things about me they had been told that they didn't know before hiring me. They said there were "a lot of problems." I stood there gobbsmacked. I felt like someone had sawed me down the middle.Everyone was nice as pie to me until my last day and I always kept everything professional. I think the bosses were happy that I was going to slip out quietly. Even so, I was still going to say my last words before I left. On my last day, it was only me and the Admin Manager alone in the office and when she went to say goodbye to me, I told her she was a washed up old women who would do anything to save her job." It felt SOO good, I can't tell you how amazing that felt. It was just a little something I did for myself.. and I walked away with my head high.I'm now on the hunt for work again and have had a couple of months off. I took some time off, thinking this would help and I deserved this break, only I've been alone with my thoughts and that can be a bad thing. I keep asking myself if it was anything I did.. and how come all this has happened to me? I'm only in my 20's.. is it normal to have so many bad experiences.. is it everyone ELSE or is it me? I hate that I keep asking myself this. I feel like everyone else my age is leaving me behind. They're gaining experience and enjoying life, where all I'm doing is accumulating enough material to write the biggest tear-jerking autobiography of all time!All the agents in my past job I once considered my trusted and loyal friends... as they all promised to stay in touch when I left. They all individually spoke to me during the time I was working out my notice and told me they understood why I was leaving and each told me they HATED the Admin Manager who they all had their own nicname for. Months later, I have not heard from any of them and some of them that I've passed on the street, now pretend they don't know me. I applied for work at a cafe up the street (the place my boss and I went to lunch where he introduced me to the owners).. but she will have nothing to do with me. I feel I've become a criminal without ever having done anything wrong.I live in a small city and it's tough when you know people are gossiping about you and the rumours spread so fast. I can't afford to have someone spreading rumours that I've SUED every company I've worked for when I haven't done that ONCE. I know if I ever took a lawsuit out against the company, it would only be my word against the owner's and no one would want to rub THIS guy up the wrong way.. not since they've seen what he did to me.If anyone's still awake after reading my life story, could you give me some words of advice? I am the nicest person you could ever meet. I love animals, I love helping people, I'm great at keeping secrets, I feel that all I ever do is GIVE to everyone else.. I help old ladies cross the street.. I'm trusting and loyal. I have all the qualities you would want in a friend and especially in an employee. Why is this continously happening to me? I look forward to hearing some responses. :)
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at work, christmas, confidence, money, my boss Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): I think there was a clique with subtle social rules that maybe you weren't aware of, all employees won't be loyal if they sense they could get fired too, so they all work toward getting rid of you instead, it is horrible and not what people work for, but sadly it happens. Workplace mobbing. Put it behind you is all I can say, as for people gossiping and lying, success is the best revenge, leave them to it and get on with something else. One day they will all get what they deserve! what goes around comes around.
A
female
reader, done it  +, writes (5 September 2008):
I think there was a clique with subtle social rules that maybe you weren't aware of, all employees won't be loyal if they sense they could get fired too, so they all work toward getting rid of you instead, it is horrible and not what people work for, but sadly it happens. Workplace mobbing. Put it behind you is all I can say, as for people gossiping and lying, success is the best revenge, leave them to it and get on with something else. One day they will all get what they deserve! what goes around comes around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): Thanks to everyone who had enough patience to read my rediculously long post! I didn't plan on writing a novel, but I guess I've just been through so much in my short and very broken career.
I really appreciate the heartwarming advice I've received from you and it's also been interesting (and saddening) to hear of your own personal experiences. It's sort of a comfort to know I'm not the only one going through this :(
I've taken everyone's advice and guidance into account. It's actually helped me make a productive decision - I've decided to go back to school and train in a field I'm passionate about.
Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 In any type of job, there will ALWAYS be "some" type or form of different personalities, the way a person views how to climb the corporate ladder, how something should be done (normally their way - not a group thought), the one's who stab you in the back, the liars, the jealous one's....YOU NAME IT! What I would recommend to you is finding a few different "head hunters", let them know what you are looking for, what you are seeking in a job and what you expect from that company. As long as you are confident in yourself in what you do and how you do it...you sound as if you could go in to management with a wonderful attitude because you do not want to get involved with the "hoop la" that those tend to create to make a company go down or lose valued employee's. You let the head hunter know that you do not want to work for a company that has all that hype of problems...that you want to work for a company that you can show them your many talents and to be able to move forward and excel in the company. Big or small companys will always have some problems...however, keeping your chin up high, believing in what you believe in and standing your ground are what CEO's and Manager's look for. Try to never argue, but always be firm in what you say. Stay positive, never negative....and express good things around you when they are deserved...it works both ways! Making friends and keeping your "enemies" close, doing good work for your job, being on time and trying to be there as much as possible, and most importantly.....never lying to anyone. These are things that I believe in which have gotten me to where I am. I express to my employees for a job well done, I "fight" for them when I need to and when I can, I most certainly reward them for a job well done.
I can only say I wish you well in your job hunting. One other thing...in any of your interviews...do not, repeat..do not bring up all your past bad experiences. They will view this as you could have been the one that caused the problem which will not put your foot in the door of what could be a great possiblity for your next job. Only explain that there was no advancement available and you know that you would be a great asset to that company.
Good Luck and let us know how it works out for you!!! :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): Ahh... and people say Blacklisting is dead.
If I were you... I would gather as much incriminating evidence as I possibly could, and go to town on these dullards.
It is clear they are threatened by you and so now give them a true reason to be. Personally see to it that they never work in your town again.
Or you could just move to a new town, work your way up the food chain so that one day you buy out those companies and fire all those who screwed you over in the previous years.
Or you could carry a tape recorder to every meeting for 'reference' purposes so that you record everything said or done. This can be used as evidence in a trial and scares the bosses into behaving.
Seriously, blow the whistle and get these fuckers out of the industry. Like Serpico in that movie.
No matter what you choose to do, I hope life turns out good in the end, and don't let these bullies get you down because you're better than them.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): Have you ever considered working for non-profit organizations? It is much more laid back than the corporate world. I hated most of the jobs I had in the past until I joined my company now, which is a non-profit company. It is much more laid back and the people are more kind-hearted, not really competitive or cruel in nature. Good luck and keep us posted.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): What you are is a victim of workplace bullying and Mobbing.
I just got out of the same situation. Get a new job.
Looking back on things now I can Clearly see it had NOTHING to do with me! They were just so insecure with themselves that they had to transfer and project their feelings onto me! They picked on me all the time!
Google Workplace bully and read all the simular stories and leave that toxic situation!
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A
female
reader, Serinity +, writes (16 January 2008):
 Normally I wouldn't even think about reading a post this long, but you actually kept my interest through the whole thing. It really sucks that you've had to endure all the hardships that you've endured by trying to make an honest living. You sound like a very intelegent person who has morals and goals. From what you've described, I don't think it's you at all. There are going to be up's and down's at any job you work at though, no matter how great you are. Through personal experience I've found that when you're a really good worker and you thrive on excellence, some co-workers seem to get intimidated and/or jealous. Not only have you raised the bar but in their eyes, you make them look bad because their performace is not as great as yours. I'm now an office manager for a small company myself and I can't understand how any boss in their right mind would treat an employee the way you've been treated. I would love to have a worker like you who works hard and is eager to excell. You remind me of me :-) Some people just suck, but don't let that hold you back. You'll find your nack. Actually you write very well, have you ever thought about writing a book of some sorts? Take your talents and put them into action and I bet you land a good job with good people. You're just not meant to do what you've been doing, there are greater things in store for you, I can feel it. Just be strong and don't give up. Don't let the minute mentality of other people break you down. You know who you are and what you want. Go for it, shoot for the stars and land on the moon. You say you like helping people, have you ever thought about becoming a nurse? Good luck sweetie. You can mail me any time if you'd like. God bless!
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (16 January 2008):
 I don't know if this is possible, but I think if you can afford it, why not go back to school and re-mold yourself into a different field of work? You may find the environment to be totally different, (i.e. pleasant and more professional) and you can once and for all, leave the baggage of these experiences behind you. Some fields come with certain triangles and within those circles comes the same mind set, the same hideous type of people etc. A friend of mine, who spent a considerable amount of her career in the medical profession went through much of what you have described and almost lost her mind trying to make her bosses happy in a very stressful type of environment. After a major corporate lay off (a Godsend, as it turned out) she went into a completely different industry and found the people there were nothing like the ones that go into the medical profession. She now has a flourishing career, she works with professional people and couldn't be happier. Something to think about.
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