A
female
age
30-35,
*oX15
writes:I'm completely confused. For months now, I've been going back and forth between these two guys. I've been available for both of them, but now that it has come down to it, I'm lost. The first guy, I've been with for 11 months today. But I haven't exactly been the best gf. Well obviously. The second guy, I met around the same time I met the first guy. We were all friends. My bf moved for a while, and me and this guy were just friends. Then we started flirting. Then we started getting emotionally attached. Then we started hanging out. Then we kissed. I tried not to develop feelings, and I'm still trying to deny these feelings, but its like an itch you can't scratch. The first guy, my bf, came back into town a few weeks ago. He's trying to move back in with me, but one part of me wants to be with him, meanwhile another part is hesitant. He loves me. I care about him, I love him, but not the same way he does. The second guy, came over this past Friday just to hang out. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. The next day, we went to this party, my bf and I. And the second guy showed up. It was really strange for me. I didn't know what to do. He acted cool, and tried to joke around and be normal, but it was too weird for me. OK, and to add to the pile, the second guy had this gf when i met him. They used to say they were married. She was there. And they were hanging out together. Their relationship has always confused me because when i ask about her, he avoids it. But still i play the fool. So basically, I have this bf, and he loves me with all of his heart. I love him, but the things I do, Im sure I don't feel the same as he does. I do care about him. Alot. I'd do anything for him, I just can't give him all of me. And on the side, I've given everything to this guy I've tried so hard to resist. But he knew exactly what to say, he pushed me to open up to him, and eventually got comfortable enough for me to be myself with him. Then he used that. And I'm crushed now. I feel like such a jackass. I have this great guy, and I can't be who he wants me to be because I'm hung up on a guy who lies to me and has his own mess with another girl. Please help me.
View related questions:
crush, flirt, player Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (15 December 2009):
 You feel like a jackass because you are being a jackass. DOn't say you can't be who he wants you to be. I'm guessing you were when you first met him and then you started playing around, and now you're not. You're choosing not to be who he wants you to be. You have control over your body and you're abusing that control to hurt other people and satisfy yourself. I'm sorry but, Break up with the poor guy, try to get with the player. Then, when he breaks your heart, learn a lesson and never do this to anyone ever again.
~Sy
A
female
reader, FoX15 +, writes (15 December 2009):
FoX15 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsoon567- I love you answer! Just say it wit me ...but its all true. I guess I am keepin this dude around cuz he's a sure thing. This other guy is messin wit me, and I kind of like it. Even though i am gettin played like none other i kind of like the attention and the drama.
I do feel bad about this other guy because at one time, I loved him as much as he loved me. And I'm really used to him. But i have to be honest, this other guy is everything i want. I just feel dumb that I gave it all, because now what do i have to give? He's had it all, well not all, but he knows. I guess I just have to chill and let whatever happens, happen. As for the other guy...its hard to break up with him. He's such a nice guy.
...............................
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (15 December 2009):
 Please gently break it off with the nice guy. You like him, but you don't love him, not really. And you're not respecting him or his feelings if you continue to cheat on him like this. As much as you WANT to love him, your unshakable attraction for the player shows that your boyfriend isn't really satisfying what you want in life. Please call it off before you hurt him any more.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): So what if you're attracted to a player? Lots of people are attracted to others every day and yet they manage to restrain themselves.
You know he's a player and he will burn you. So make a choice, do you want to get fucked and then get burned by him? Maybe you do. I don't care either way.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 December 2009):
I think you have to end things with your boyfriend. You know in your heart he's not really the guy you're after. Unfortunately, he is as he is. Just a nice guy, which means perhaps he's not as fun as you'd like, or as mysterious or adventurous. I think you're attracted to the other guy because he represents an adventure, he represents danger and you like that.
Your boyfriend needs to be able to find someone else who loves him. And rather than go with this bad boy who will use you an abuse you, I think you would be better off focusing on your own life and your own dreams for now. One day, you will find the right guy for you. You just haven't yet. So focus on your own life.
...............................
|
