A
female
age
30-35,
*sdfg
writes:I'm bi, and in the last few years I've realized that I have a fondness for women who are submissive in giving their male partners oral sex. Male submission doesn't do it for me, and neither does lesbian submission. It's only when the woman is doing it for the man, and in terms of submission in general, I'm mainly attracted during oral sex only. So I suppose it's just a minor fetish. When I'm in this position, I find myself willingly...ahem...giving it my ALL to the point that I sometimes gag and the whole 9 yards. I love it. That said, in these vids that attract me the men are often--with prior consent--modestly aggressive. I think it's super hot to watch. But the idea of a guy doing those things to me freaks me out, perhaps because I watched the women around me battle with domestic violence as I was growing up. I'm personally into willing submission during oral sex and I enjoy watching other women in both, willing and non-willing (prior consent...) submissive oral sex acts, but I personally don't think I'd have the guts to do the non-willing stuff myself as I think, "what the **** kind of person would be into controlling someone else?!"Is it normal to be turned on by something that I don't think I could consent to and by men who, in my personal relationships, I would dump in a heartbeat?
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male
reader, turbine  +, writes (4 August 2010):
Having a liking for oral sex is not abnormal. Infact it's very healthy if hygiene is kept in mind. But doing things as wildly as dogs and cats would be animalistic. There is a big fat line between human beings and animals. All fantasies dont have to come true dear.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 June 2010):
 I think everyone who has given you advice is right on. A fantasy is a fantasy, you're perfectly normal, and it's pretty understandable that you wouldn't want to get involved with any skeevy or questionable characters to indulge in your fantasy.
I do think that someday you might find a guy who you really love, trust and care about and maybe when you find someone who you're super comfortable with, you can explore your fantasy a little bit. Maybe your sweetheart will be willing to role-play a little bit and you'll have the comfort of knowing that you're in a totally safe and loving situation.
Good luck, sweet!
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 Many people have extreme fantasies that are different from how they think they should be in their everyday life. That's totally ok. You do not have to act on your fantasies, and it is not wrong to have them.
I recommend a book called My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday. It is about woman's fantasies and how they accept them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): yes, think about women with rape fantasies - or with some of the more extreme fantasies where the woman meets her death as part of a ritual sex act. Clearly these are not fantasy's that are going to be realized, and the person that gets off on them is going to need to keep them in the fantasy world.
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A
female
reader, shutterbug +, writes (20 June 2010):
I think you should explore your fantasies, absolutely! My girlfriend is also into watching and while I was kinda in the closet about my voyeuristic habits, since being with her I am more confident in admitting I like to watch things in my heart I know are "shameful" according to some people. I think your relation to wanting to play a submissive role to your history with domestic violence depends on exactly how close you were to it. I mean how it impacted you. Everyone absorbs violence differently in terms of how "much" or at what relation they have to an experience. I happen to be one of the only chicks, especially bi, that find going down on a guy extremely hot for me. That's why your question interested me so much. Of COURSE you should go with what turns u on!!! I get that its not something you'd want your mate to just spring on u, but I've always believed you should be able to do your dirtiest Filthiest fantasies with someone you trust and love the most! Don't think of it as immoral if it turns you on. Unless it turns you on to feel ashamed.? For me I find a good blow job to be empowering for me. Even if I'm playing submissive. I like eating my girl out for hours if she lets me too. But with a man its like it makes me feel more 'naughty" to put it nicely. I think every girl needs that. I also don't think there's anything wrong with two people releasing their fantasies together. For me that'd be under the condition I were single. If my girlfriend were answering she'd say you shouldn't have your boyfriend do that to you, that you should get a "side" for things you "shouldn't" do with someone who respects you. That's one of the reasons I'm on a site like this in first place, but back to you.... I also thought if your urges to go wild during oral only with a guy are rooted from your experience/witness to domestic violence then it may be worth seeking some kind of therapy for. While I do believe your attractions are 100% healthy if its about more than just your sexual desires then there could be other issues that you can nip in the bud now with professional help. I personally am not a fan of therapy and don't trust people very much, however I know a lot of my needs are rooted from my parents arguing and rumors of infidelity. Not to be too nosey, but if you are bisexual, do you enjoy going down on a girl wearing a strap on? Do you find it to get you off as much or entice you to go as wild as you do with men? I guess my analysis would be that if its not as hot for you to suck a girl wearing a strap on as it is giving a guy head, then maybe your desires could be tied to your history with violence. For instance, maybe it's more like a need to please because battered women naturally conform to out of basic survival. Inheriting that survival tactic could be reason you are actually physically turned on pleasing your partner, especially a male figure. Still don't think you should feel bad or deprive yourself of your needs, but if its coming from a dark place you could wind up in a bad situation some day.... or not ever. There's nothing worse than having a fantasy you can't bring yourself to carry out. Being a young bi woman you probably have went through that, or at least I did when I was younger.
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A
female
reader, shutterbug +, writes (20 June 2010):
I think you should explore your fantasies, absolutely! My girlfriend is also into watching and while I was kinda in the closet about my voyeuristic habits, since being with her I am more confident in admitting I like to watch things in my heart I know are "shameful" according to some people. I think your relation to wanting to play a submissive role to your history with domestic violence depends on exactly how close you were to it. I mean how it impacted you. Everyone absorbs violence differently in terms of how "much" or at what relation they have to an experience.
I happen to be one of the only chicks, especially bi, that find going down on a guy extremely hot for me. That's why your question interested me so much. Of COURSE you should go with what turns u on!!! I get that its not something you'd want your mate to just spring on u, but I've always believed you should be able to do your dirtiest
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 There's a reason they're called 'fantasies.' There are things that work for you in the privacy of your mind that work only there and need to stay there. Where people get into trouble is when they let the distinction get blurred, when they act out the fantasies in the RW when it's not their RW truth. Accept and recognize the distinction and maintain the boundary.
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