A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm currently in a happy relationship of almost two years, I love my girlfriend and we rarely argue but over the last month or two I've started to get feelings for my best friend. We briefly had a thing about 4 years ago but nothing came of it and we chose to remain friends. But for some reasons there's this sexual tension between us and a feeling of unfinished business which I know we both share. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2016): Well, you know OP, anytime you post a question or put yourself out there, people ARE going to judge you, a lot or just a little bit. It is human nature and something you have to learn to deal with if you are going to come here for advice. You should see how I've been crucified in the past. Learn to grow a thick skin.
Holier than thou does not work for you, though.
Don't ever say you don't want or intend to cheat on your girlfriend. They are JUST WORDS. And then turn the blame on her, saying she cheated on your first. So what if she did? That would not excuse YOU from making the CONSCIOUS choice to do the same thing to her. So, please do not gaslight and turn the blame on her to make you seem more honest and noble. If she already cheated on you, I am really not sure what kind of relationship you both have? Not a very healthy one, is it? If she already cheated and you are thinking about cheating?
I have had plenty of experience with cheaters so I know your mind better than you do.
Words don't matter. Actions do. So, what you do next will speak volumes. Will you cut this other girl off completely and commit to your girlfriend forevermore? Or will you cheat on your girlfriend? Carry on two relationships? Or let your girlfriend go? Many guys bang both women and continue to do so until one or both find out. Then it ain't pretty.
Your words don't matter. It's your intentions. Only you know what they are when you are alone with your own conscience.
At the end of the day, you do need to do the right thing.
Yes, some of us feel attracted to others while in relationships but I think when that happens it means you are not totally satisfied with the relationship you are in. Stop seeking out band aid solutions. Ask yourself if you are truly happy with your current girlfriend and see a future with her. If not, move on. But do not involve another woman in your uncertainty.
A
male
reader, Sam Wilson  +, writes (7 November 2016):
 First of all...dude no ones judging you here, everyone has problems and everyone gets confused we get that.
Upon reflecting on your situation, let me just say that there is a huge difference with being happy to being content.
Take it from me with the same experiences being close with a girl whom i have a history with.
I know most girls may not agree with what Im gonna say but when it comes to love in relationships its never "what do i do?" Its "how do I feel?" . It took me a while to realize but sometimes bein honest with yourself is better than saying and doing the right things.
I know this is kindoff cheesy and maybe innacurate but ask yourself who do you think of the second you open your eyes when you wake up...and who makes you feel safe and comfortable the moment yoy shut your eyes?
I know this isnt direct what to do steps here ,but I hope you read this and reflected on your dilemna.
Thanks!Reading and reflecting on your situation has also shown me things that I needed, I really hope this helps you as much as it did for me.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (7 November 2016):
 Sexual tension can exist anywhere and with anyone tbh. Its the person who is with you at your side though, that matters more. I have had sexual tension with men passing by me or at work or even at gym, didnt mean I wanted to explore it. I think you are feeling the sexual tension because you have kept her as a friend and continuously see her. Its pretty much your fault here---cut ties with her. And Im not saying this because youre a man, Id say to a woman as well. IF YOU FEEL TEMPTED, CUT OFF THE TEMPTATIONS! Unless you actually want to explore these feelings with the friend, then by all means, its your choice =)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 November 2016):
 It's not about you being bad and she being good. It's about YOU using some common sense.
If you think it's OK because SHE cheated in the beginning, then really what kind of logic is that?
TURN your question on its head. Let's say your GF has a male friend she had had for years they had a fling before you two got together and not they have this sexual tension... How would that make YOU feel?
Would you think:" Oh well that is SUPER great?!"
Also your friend, she knows you have a GF but she still likes to play with fire, doesn't she? So is she really being a friend or is she hoping you will realize that there is something between you two?
So yes, while you may not entirely LIKE the idea of giving up the friend, the attention and "tension" - but regardless does your GF know about this friend? And for a minute, put the shoe on the other foot.
You might HAVE to make a choice because it IS not fair (actually on BOTH girls) that this keeps going on. IS it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni only came here for advice, not to get judged and have presumptions made. I do not want or intend to cheat on my girlfriend and I never will. (Like she did at the start of our relationship, so please don't assume she's perfect and I'm being a pig). I merely wanted advice on whether I should keep my relationship going and wait for my feelings to pass or that I should stop before we both end up hurt. Thank you
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 November 2016):
 This is exactly the reason why we see posts here from disgruntled female "friends" who's male friends cut them out of their lives. I can't imagine which girl would be comfortable having her boyfriend being close to another girl. While some might be paranoid, your girlfriend would be right on the money!
Please do your girlfriend a huge favor and break up with her. She doesn't deserve you... Or let me re-phrase that... You don't deserve her.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 November 2016):
 Just because you are in a relationship does not make you blind to the charms of others. However, what you choose to do about that attraction will say everything about the sort of person you are.Put yourself in your girlfriend's shoes and imagine how you would feel if the situation were reversed and SHE was the one in your position. Pretty horrible?You have a choice to make: either put all your energies into your relationship with your girlfriend and try to forget the "friend", or finish the relationship with your girlfriend and go and explore what could be with your friend. Life is about making choices. You can't have your cake and eat it. All I would say to you is there is probably a good reason why things ended with your "friend" all those years ago. In my experience, the past is best left there and not revisited.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 November 2016):
You "shit or get off the pot". Crude, I know. But you need to decide what you want. DO you want to be a GOOD BF to your current GF or do you want to rekindle something with this "friend"?
If you want the first (be a good BF to your current) then I think you need to cut the contact with this "friend". And I put the "" on friend for a reason. When there is "sexual tension", a past and "unfinished business" chances are that you could cheat or get tempted, right now you are already considering it, aren't you? That is not how a good friendship it. Sex and sexual tension isn't part of a friendship.
If you don't think you can cut the contact, then maybe you need to let your GF go. Because it's NOT exactly fair on her that you are "yearning" after this friend or feel tempted or whatnot.
So yes, SHIT or get off the pot. Sitting on the fence is not a good choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): First of all, if you were in a "happy" relationship, you would not be lusting after this old fling.What do you need to do?Choose who you want to be with.DO NOT CHEAT ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND.Not only because you are going to LOSE her forever for a brief romp in the hay - which is of course NOT worth it, but also because you are going to DESTROY her beautiful and precious heart. She has devoted herself to you for 2 years. Given her heart and soul to you. And has remained committed and loyal to you. You need to be committed and loyal TO HER.Is this how you repay her? Is this what you do to the woman WHO LOVES YOU and has stood by YOU?Think of it this way. How would you like it if her ex boyfriend came creeping in, she got wet between the legs and had sex with him? He took what is yours. How badly would that HURT YOU? Would the thought of another man taking your woman make you insane with jealousy? Would you be DESTROYED? I suspect yes. So if the answer is YES, imagine what kind of pain you would be feeling if you found out she betrayed you. Now turn that pain around and imagine how your girlfriend would feel if you had sex with another woman. Would you EVER want to feel that pain? NO? Then why do you think she would?This ex has no business sniffing around you. Your thing did not work out 4 years ago for a reason. It was brief for a reason. It wasn't meant to be. You are taken and committed. She should know better. What kind of a woman is that? Also, you have no business getting this close to "female friends", inviting this sort of thing to happen, when you are in a committed relationship. Talk about asking for trouble.So, choose.Girlfriend or best friend.You cannot have both.I suggest since you have these "feelings," then be a man and do the right thing. Protect your girlfriend. Protect her heart. And that means eliminating all threats which could hurt her. Cut contact with this girl.If you LOVE your girlfriend, this is what you need to do.If you want to bang the other girl, do it but RELEASE your girlfriend first.Don't be another typical guy.Too many pigs in the world.Do the right thing. Be a real man. One of the good guys. We need more of them around.
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