A
female
age
41-50,
*kneedshelp
writes:My boyfriend and I are finally dating after knowing each other for 8 years. We had a bit of a blurred relationship in the past where we were having sex but not officially together. We were both to blame. He says it was due to his social anxiety issues and not being confidant in saying what he wanted from me. Anyway that's a bit of background. My dilemma and question is that I think he may be gay and in denial and I am scared I will waste my life with him as he will realise he is gay and leave median the track. The reasons I think he is gay are as follows. I am keen to hear from gay guys out there too. 1. He is slightly not overly effeminate and has a slight lisp when he speaks and inflection of some words but his tone in general is masculine ie he says mmmmm yessss for eg. 2. He has never had a girlfriend except for me and he is over 30 and he does not share or open up about past sexual experiences. He even once made one up. He says it's his social anxiety issues growing up and he also suffers communication and emotional issues because of this 3. He loves cooking, reads about wine, knows brand names in home furnishings even down to tea sets. Loves those typical trendy gay furnishing stores where you hardly see any straight guys in. 4. He has recently started wresting which surprised me given he tends not to like contact with strangers. Am I being silly and stereotypical???? Our sex life is good and he seems very attracted to me and always initiates it. He doesn't seem to like me touching his anus though during sex and always shakes my hand off when I put my fingers there. Is this because he is so deep in denial he is resisting anything that will temp him down that path? I had confronted him once and he didn't seem overly defensive about it which made me more suspicious. If someone accused me if being lesbian I would want to know why. He also shrugged it off and said uh hmmm no you can take a look at my porn and see for yourself what I look at and what I like. Can someone help me. This is agonising!!!!
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male
reader, Kessianus  +, writes (10 December 2011):
First of i am gay. That is really a big issue for me, mainly because i am so consientious of what people think about me. You think your b/f is gay you are wrong. Atraction these days does not determine one's feelings.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 December 2011):
 My boyfriend can be effeminate… he’s all man. My brother is gay and he does not lisp. Neither does his husband and both are rather masculine men… my brother was a competitive bodybuilder for a few years to be honest.
I think you are looking for something that’s not there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): I had a male friend who to look at people would think he was gay for many of the "reasons" that you have stated. He definitely is not gay, he is happily married and straight! You are being very stereotypical I think. Many straight men can have interests in these things, it's not necessarily that they are gay. If your not comfortable with him as he is, maybe you need to find someone else. Otherwise accept him as he is and enjoy being with the great guy you have.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (9 December 2011):
 These are all very superficial reasons for thinking someone is gay - no offense. But you're stereotyping severely!
He's attracted to you, a female, he initiates, gets hard and enjoys sex with you, a female. Sounds into women to me!
If you asked him and he didn't get super defensive, that's a good sign. If he had gotten defensive, then you would have something to worry about.
It sounds like you have a good, sensitive, classy fella on your hands. If you don't feel comfortable with him, then you shouldn't be with him - not because you think he's gay, but because you don't seem entirely comfortable with him as he is.
Good luck, sweet!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): i dont really have much to say but don't sterotype, i understand there are some who are like you would asume, but not always. also if he just let it go and gave you simple 'i'm not gay, look at my porn...' explanation, i would not worry. If he starts getting really defensive, 'doth protest to much'
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): You should have looked at his porn it was probably men banging feminine women with overly large bazoomas that would' have put your mind at ease haah. And as for the bum touching thing, I don't think that he shoves your hand away cos he's in denial!! I just think that it's not sumthing that appeals to him, I mean, would you accept it if he shoved his fingers up your arsehole mid sex? Or would you shake his hand off too?
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (9 December 2011):
These are not clear cut signs he gay. He seems to be just a mostly non aggressive man. I guess your doubts would vanish if he ran after other ladies flirting and beating on his chest. All guys are overly masculine. And all gays (guys) aren't feminine. If you doubt your boyfriend and fear the worst then I suggest leaving him. Sounds like you just have a good man and aren't used to it so you think the catch is he's gay. He isn't gay if you've been sleeping with him for sex only for some time. Gay guys don't enjoy sex with women. Bisexual men love sex with both. You'll run this guy off judging him so harshly. So yes, I think you're being a bit silly and stereotypical.
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