A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello , I was wondering if ou all could give your thoughts on m strange relationship? would appreciate.I have been with my 7 year older man for 5 years, had a realy swept off feet beginning (he proposed ealy with amazing ring) this was followed by year of living together ( I have 2 kids he has 1) where he seemed to go off me instantly and my instincs told me it wasnt right (even though was terrible financial time) he would flatter freinds girlfreinds i.e. sa " ou are so beautifull" in front of me and flirt outrageously, only to get angry and try to throw me out when I asked. I fell pregnant and he forced me into abortion saing not the right time when it was because of his four year old. We got through everthing but thing is I feel I may be wasting my life hoping that he will want to marry me? he wants us to get place together next year ( alwas next year) but wont ever discuss marriage. It now appears he doesnt want a child together and so im hurt he said "not now" when he meant "not ever". he doesnt say "i love you" yet does say when I ask him. He doesnt make effort in bed. but initiates sex when we stay together (always him not moving) ... will i ever have a happy ever after? or is he non commital because he is waiting for something better? on getting back together after our past splits he would be "I wanna marry you" then nothing?... always his way for everything and I am slightly unenthusiastic within in the relationship now as i feel even though we get on great apart from the "treating the kids same dicispline wise (he cant and lets his child do what wants and always assumes mine in wtrong) please give your thoughts?? thank you xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): thank you so much for your coments, i needed to hear them and you have confirmed what i thought may be true. . Thing is I do adore him and love him. I.ve gotten back my independance and since i am thinking he does.nt really want me have been fairly cold. However he is still here and is more affectionate with me. He asks if i love him. Everything still on his terms however. Sex, my life etc. And the thought of havin child together drifts further away. . What do i do? Its so hard to leave someone you love because you know its wrong. God i must sound pathetic ! Big slap to self needed x
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 December 2011):
 My thoughts as requested:
Early proposals usually mean NOTHING… this is a man who does NOT know what true love is. He knows the motions to make and the words to say but not the actions to back his words up…
The ring was the bait to reel you in…. once you moved in, he “owned your ass” and since the chase was over he no longer had to front….
Flirting and flattering girl friends in front of you was cruel and rude and to get angry with you and threaten to throw you out… GAME PLAYING…
He FORCED you to get an abortion? CAN YOU FORCE HIM TO GET A VASECTOMY?? Same thing. I’m VERY PRO-CHOICE but a woman being FORCED to have an abortion just rubs me the wrong way…
IF you are with a man and have been with him FIVE YEARS and he is ABLE (legally) to marry you and has not, then I DOUBT strongly he will marry you.
IF everything is “next year” and you cannot pin him down to a date/time/place, then it’s not real.
Will you ever have a happily ever after? YEP when you LEAVE THIS LOSER….
He’s stringing you along, he’s emotionally abusing you and your children…. He uses the I wanna live with you and marry you to keep you on his hook…
My opinion… he’s not going to give you what you want (home family marriage another child if you want one)…
I think you need to sit him down and say to him just this. “I have given you 5 years and you have not been able to meet my needs in that time, I doubt we are going to make this work so it’s time for us to say goodbye” he will whine he will beg he will PROMISE you the sun the moon and the stars…
IF YOU want to ATTEMPT to make this work you can give it one more shot BUT you want EVERYTHING IN WRITING WITH DATES that he will comply by. AND then when the first date passes you will have to leave…. So make your choice to just leave now or give him one more chance to break your heart.
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A
female
reader, cathysmith07 +, writes (9 December 2011):
 I don't intend to hurt your feelings or anything but maybe marrying you is not in his plans. Ask him again and if he do nothing or say anything maybe its time for you to decide.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): Agree with Bluecow's answer!!!
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A
female
reader, bluecow  +, writes (9 December 2011):
 I think you need to re-read your post.
He forced an abortion
He flirts with other women
He doesnt satisfy you sexually
He treats your children differently to his own
You lived together for a year and it didnt work out
You have been with him for another 3 years with no other signs of commitment
Seriously? you need my advice?
Well DUMP HIS ASS and move on to someone you deserve.
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