A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Before I explain my problem, I'd just like to clear up one little thing:I don't have an eating disorder, I'm a healthy weight, and I love love love to eat, most of the time.With that in mind, even I'm finding it difficult to believe that I've got the issue that I have.Soon I'm going to meet a friend of mine and a boy who I like (he likes me as well and probably someday soon we're going to be in a relationship, I hope) who I'm just trying to get to know a little better right now. Now I've met him a couple of times before and he is just the loveliest person, and I can tell that we'd be really good together.We're meeting right in the middle of exam season, a couple of hours before an exam that I am really really nervous about. And also he makes me nervous too, which just compounds the horror of it all.We are probably going to go and get something to eat.The problem is that I am filled with dread when I imagine eating around people I don't know very well, AND being around people I don't know very well while they are eating. When I'm with friends and family I eat like an animal, and it doesn't matter to me that they are also eating.But there's something about acquaintances and eating that terrifies me. Is there a way that I can deal with this problem? Any advice at all would be massively appreciated, and I hope I haven't come across as too pathetic :) Thankyou very much. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Great to hear that! Continue to eat and enjoy!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's all over now! :) Everything went better than I could possibly have imagined. Thank you all again SO MUCH, I really really appreciate that lovely people like you exist.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou everybody who has replied! There's some really really great advice here :) I've told the boy that I feel a bit nervous around people I don't know so well, especially when I'm eating, and he told me not to worry about it. I'll post another update after our date. Thanks again!
...............................
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (1 June 2010):
 I think most people are self conscious when eating with a date to some extent. But maybe if you're both eating then you won't be so self consious - you'll be concentrating on your food, and he on his. If not, maybe you could get something you can share? Might make you feel better.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 Due to your young age, I think your problem is not really some mysterious phobia that requires psychoanalitic therapy- I think that more probably it is a sense of inadequacy that comes from not being used to eating out and not knowing exactly what is expected from you.
In other words- manners. Perhaps your family context is rather laid back and undemanding, and, as long as you eat with gusto,everybody is happy. Strangers,as you rightly assume, might not be so accepting if you eat like an animal,-not only in terms of quantity but also of behaviour. ( I am not picking on you or accusing you to be gross- a lot of teenagers tend to totally dispose of proper table manners even when they have been taught properly at a younger age ).
You need to brush up on table etiquette. Get yourself a booklet ,if necessary. Once you know what fork is for what and how are you supposed to cut your food and where to keep your hands etc.etc. ) you'll feel confident and at ease in front of everybody.
...............................
A
female
reader, SSS. +, writes (1 June 2010):
 hmmm weird.
well i hate eating around anyone who isn't family.. but it doesn't scare me as such.
it doesn't sound like an eating disorder because you want the food, maybe you're just a bit self-conscious in this area ?
maybe you've gotten so used to being scared by the thought of it that it's imprinted on your mind.
if i was you i'd try eat in front of people you don't know very well often, this will get rid of the fear.
i know it's hard.. but you don't want to be going the rest of your life having this fear develop.
just remind yourself that it's only eating + nothing bad will happen, no one even really looks.
you've just got in built up in your head that you do.
best way to get rid of your fears is too face them + realise they aren't to bad, just try tackle it now.. don't leave it because it'll get worse.
good luck with it [:
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): i am the same, im worried i'll make a tit of myself whilst eating, i don't but for ssome reason i think i will.
you don't really have a choice though, youll just have to sorry
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): Haha, I can relate to Chigirl when I'm hungry.. But I like snap when I get really hungry. I'm a very laid-back person, but once I get hungry I start snarling and shoving and getting pissy. Then once I get my food, I guard it like my life depends on it and get soo mad at any one who even looks at it. Haha. I loove food. 3
But I've known people with your problem. It's because you subconsciously consider your eating habits to be a weakness I believe, as they are different from the norm. You just need to take it one step at a time, focus on eating slowly and politely. Save your animal side for when you're more comfortable ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, Earthboundluv  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 I had the same issue when I was your age. Good news, it goes away as you get older! It's not an eating disorder is a fear. You described yourself as eating like an animal when your at home, it seems that you may be fearful of others viewing this way. You may feel judge for the way you eat and this makes you nervous. Try relaxing you mind before entering the place you guys will be eating at, eat slow and just ignore that little critical voice in your head saying negative things about the way you eat. I hope this helps you. Relax and have fun on your date! FYI: Don't take things to seriously, learn to laugh at yourself and enjoy yourself!
...............................
A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 I have the same problem, I do not like to eat in front of people I am not comfortable with even if they have food themselves.
My advice is to learn the proper eating manners, take it slow...one bite at a time, and like chigirl suggested get use to it. Eat out in public and expose your fear!
Good Luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (1 June 2010):
I blame instincts. Im horrible like this too, except I guard my food. If anyone approaches my food I will pull my plate away and hover over it. I also dislike people watching me eat unless they have food themselves. Makes me feel like they might want to snatch my food away while Im not looking. Like begging dogs by the table.
There is no cure for this. No magic spell. You just got to learn to deal with it. Eat out in public often, try to imagine the worst that can happen, and mentally practice how you will react if said thing happens. Im always practicing not to snarl if someone snatches a piece of my food. I no longer slap people's hands, so there is improvement.
...............................
|
