A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I need some advice. Recently, (in August of 2008) my aunt (dad's sister) passed away from suicide. I was never really close to her, so I didn't cry or anything at the funeral. The thing that bothers me is that my mom made a slide show with pictures of her to show at the funeral, and we still have it on the computer here. Every single time my dad watches it, he cries and it bothers me. I hate seeing him cry. I know he needs a way to grieve and I know if it was my brother that died, I'd be sad too. It's just like whenever my other relatives are around, they tend to talk about her, and I'm afraid somebody's going to start crying. Another thing is that with the slideshow, my mom put two songs to go along with it. I have one on my ipod, and I used to love it. But now when it comes on I skip it because it reminds me of her and my dad, because he cries every time he hears the song. I didn't want the funeral to be the first thing that came to mind when listening to that song, but now I'm afraid there's no way of changing it. I don't know how to get over this.Any advice?Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, xcharlottex  +, writes (24 January 2009):
I think one of the issues when seeing fathers cry is that it shows a sign of weakness from the person that protects us, I think, whilst he's still upset try n think of him as a friend rather than a Dad.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): put the pictures that are on the computer on a disc then ask if you can delete the pictures.healing from the death of someone takes time i know my husband passed away last november and i still have moments good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): i'm the poster of this question, and i just wanted to say that I was NOT being selfish. I never thought of my family as annoying. that kinda hurts. I wanted to know how to stop feeling pain when my dad cried. It made me feel so sad for him. I just said i don't like hearing the song because it makes me think of how sad my dad is. Please don't call me selfish when i'm just feeling sorry for my dad.
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A
female
reader, meforyou +, writes (24 January 2009):
I really feel for your family but i think youre being abit selfish, you say you don't like hearin the song but think how your dad feels. you make it sound like its annoyin you that their upset, this is your family and your aunt who's died, show some respect
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 January 2009):
 Pain is a part of life. If there are no sad memories then what meaning do good memories have?
This is hard to understand when you are young, this might be the first time you had to deal with loosing someone, or deal with others having lost someone.
Associating a song with something sad is life. In time you might have a song that reminds you of someone you loved. The song that belonged to the two of you.
You do not have to get over this. When people say that, what they really mean is that over time you must learn to deal with this. Not forget, but let it become part of daily life till it is just part of your past. Get past it would perhaps be a better term. You don't have to forget the pain, but learn to life with it.
Your father will get past this, with time. He will do it at his own pace and so will you. Each day the pain will become a little more bearable until your family has learned to make it part of daily life and get on with living their own lives. Not forgetting, but remembering that life goes on even if it has stopped for one you loved.
So don't be afraid of being sad when you hear that song. Just don't stop living your own life because of it. There is nothing wrong with crying when you remember something sad, no matter how long ago. What is wrong is to stop living your own life because of it.
Best of luck. With time, you will get over/past this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): The death of a sibling is incredibly hard to deal with and when it's suicide it is worse, because the person is always left with the question why? and the feeling that they could have done more to prevent it.I know that it might not seem like it but the fact that your dad can cry about it and does his best to remember her is actualy a good thing. This all part of a healthy grieving process. I know you hate to see him cry but he can't help it it will take him a long time to get over this if he ever does.You might not have been close to her but you are also in the process of mourning, it might help to try and better understand who she was and what her death means by talking to your dad about it.
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