A
female
age
30-35,
*oll_facesweetie
writes:My boyfriend loves sex and I hate it so much. Im 16 and love the idea of it but starting sex just makes me feel icky and during sex doesn't feel good at all. My guy tries to do differnt things and is supportave but nothing seem to help. I really want to like sex but it just hurts and I just get so mad when I don't get horny. Please help
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Okay, I have a question you do not have to answer if you don't want to, but just think it to yourself:
Have you ever had an orgasm?? One of the main reasons a girl (or woman of any age for that matter!) doesn't enjoy sex is because there is no orgasm or release of sexual tension for them. For a guy, an orgasm happens close to 100% of the time. In 99% of the cases, it's because they know their body and they know what makes them feel good.
You need to spend time getting to know your own body. Find out how to have an orgasm, which spots on your body feel good, and you need to do this alone. Read some books on the subject as well.
This has bearing on the second thing - if your boyfriend is as young as you, he's most likely woefully inexperienced at sex, though I'm sure his heart is in the right place, especially if he's making an effort to make it better for you. That's *why* you need to get to know your own body, and have an orgasm. Trust me, you'll KNOW when you have one.
Then you need to SHOW your boyfriend how to give you one, and tell him what you like. Or course it won't be pleasant if he just enters in and autopilots toward ejaculation in 1 minute or less. YUCK! All that stickiness and friction with no payoff to you? No wonder you don't care for it!
Seriously - LEARN how to give yourself an orgasm if you haven't learned already. If you have, you need to communicate to your boyfriend how.
If sex is *really* painful (i.e. stabbing pains, something unnatural beyond a little roughness/dryness), you should consider seeing a gynocologist to check things out down there.
And now I'll give you the standard caution about being SAFE. Your guy needs to wear condoms at ALL times. You should consider also using birth control, and go to Walgreens and have a supply of the "morning after" pill on standby. Distant Melody mentioned lube - YES! KY Jelly is a great lubricant and will help if you're feeling too "dry" down there. The more you're relaxed and turned on by sex, the less you'll need the lube in the first place because your body will create it.
Don't be anxious about this whole thing. Instead, become the greatest student of your own body. Learn all there is to know about what throws you into ecstacy, and trust me, you have the ability and all the right plumbing. Then, you need to teach your boyfriend what makes you feel good, and do it one small step at a time.
Many women do not have orgasms from vaginal intercourse, and that is okay! Movies and TV are not realistic, and pornos are even LESS realistic.
A
female
reader, DearMe  +, writes (26 August 2010):
Heyy, well are you on any birth controll, because that can lower your sex drive alot!. this dosnt mean that you dont like sex, just lowers the fact of you being interested. And dont really care if you do it or not. You want to... But the hormons are playing with you.
And how many times have you had sex ? If its only a few times its bound to hurt. when i first started having sex, it still hurt after like 11 times! and sometimes it still hurts now. Jsut use LOTS of lube and do some foreplay. This could also help you get in the mood. Once it stops hurting you should njoy it more because you can try new things and it wont hurt you are much, and you can relax more. Hope i helped at all hun, take care. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): try using lube
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A
female
reader, Doll_facesweetie +, writes (26 August 2010):
Doll_facesweetie is verified as being by the original poster of the question I'm asking for advise not a bunch of people telling me I'm wrong. If you can't help me then don't comment please
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A
female
reader, Doll_facesweetie +, writes (26 August 2010):
Doll_facesweetie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI like the feeling of being so close to him and I want to like sex and he's not pushing me. I want it to not hurt
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A
female
reader, Distant Melody +, writes (26 August 2010):
Your boyfriend cant turn you on?? Why are you dating/attracted to him then? xD
This sounds pretty immature. Icky? Well then you shouldnt be having sex. Enough said.
About the pain, have him go slow or try some lube. Have him buy it too. If you're in a serious relationship then he should care enough to not want to hurt you. If its not a serious relationship, you shouldnt be having sex. You're obviously not adting him for sex if you HATE it. He might be using you.
Honestly, if you dont like it, dont do it.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Honey, first of all RELAX!! You're just 16, and you dont HAVE TO like sex or anything. This is definately not something that you need to force upon yourself. Sex should only come once you are sure you really love and trust this guy. Sex when you have a loving relationship can be wonderful- but if not it can leave you feeling terrible (used and generally a bit dirty). Also, your first time really should come from a place of love and trust. Its a natural instinct, but only do this if YOU are ready. There is ABSOLUTELY no shame in saying NO. It doesnt make you any less of a person in any way, and if this man truely cares about you, he would understand. If not...you have your answer. Do not do this to yourself. You're young and vulnerable and dont put yourself or your body through all this. There is a right time for everything, and just wait for that to happen.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (26 August 2010):
You don't have to do anything you don't want to do!
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