A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:here goes i hate my life !why ? well because im a complete and utter idiot !6 years ago i made the mistake of leaving my ex fiance. he was a nice person but didnt really show me any love or affection and i found he let me pay for stuff rather than him. im so ashamed of myself because where i worked i was good friends with another guy who showed me a lot of attention and made me feel good about myself but we were only just friends. eventually i left my ex fiance who i had a house with and went out with the other guy. my ex was very upset about this and said i would never get any of the house etc.two years ago i found out from looking on the internet that my ex fiance had sold the house.anyway 2009- the "great guy" who ive stupidly stayed with for the last 4 years has left me financially insolvent, has been mentally and occasionally physically abusive to me. im trapped in a debt programme because of him. he has left my self esteem at rock bottom and i hate myself. ive got such low self esteem im even still helping him pay the rent on the flat we had til he gets something better. i hate myself. 6 weeks ago my first ex added me as a friend on facebook-i dont know why but seeing his profile and he got married 5 months ago and had loads of happy wedding pictures killed me. i was and have been in floods of tears since.i wish he had been that way with me otherwise id never have been so stupid to seek attention elsewhere. ill never know wether he added me as a joke or genuine but im so distraught i really hate myself for everything i wish i could rewind but i cant im in such a mess please advise me im in bits
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debt, facebook, fiance, my ex, self esteem, the internet, trapped, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, loriilene7  +, writes (25 October 2009):
Don't waste your energy beating yourself up, it'll age you....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou soft touch for being so nice to me im almost in tears reading your comments thankyou.
i just wish i could have the opportunity to say sorry to no1 but i fear now hes married i will never have that chance
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (4 September 2009):
 I feel every fragment of your pain here. You had a wonderful thing going and gave it up for a loser. But please don't hate your life. Its not your life that did this to you, it was a bad choice that had consequences and left you confused, riddled with self-doubt and hurting.This is one of those lessons to be learned things.First of all with the nice guy in your life, the first ex-boyfriend. I can see his situation perfectly. First off whenever you're in a relationship and your man isn't paying enough attention to you the way you want him to meet your needs (emotional, physical, financial) then you have to speak up no matter what. If he means that much to you, if there's a lot of love there, it will only get better if he knows what's very important to you. I am not trying to castigate you on this. Its only a suggestion to bear in mind.Now with the 2nd guy. Ex no.2, he knew exactly what you wanted and hooked and baited you lock, stock and barrel. In other words he gave you what you wanted, but from what you've told us thus far, he was acting for you. That wasn't the real him. Worse yet, he has straddled you with insolvency and debt, and he is creating life-spanning problems for you. For this I am so truly sorry for you.Ex no. 2 is what we sometimes all a "bad boy". He gives you what you want, but he's abusive and makes you pay for it. That's the boy you want to avoid. Ex no. 1 is the type you want to find.As far as No. 1's putting you on his facebook after getting married, I think he wanted you to know that he had moved on and wanted you to be happy for him. That's all. I don't think he did it to hurt you. What you're seeing is him saying, "Hey I did better .... yada yada" but what he's saying is, "Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I moved on."Try and forgive No. 1, and possibly No. 2.Fast forward to your future. You have one and that's the good news.Focus on finding a man, not a boy, but a man who is mature, caring and loving towards you. It sounds to me like you have a big heart and have tolerated so much in your life up to this point, I hate to see you suffer over this setback.Money woes aside, you deserve to be loved and loved in the right way, but by the right person.If I were you, I would nicely get rid of No. 2 and try and find someone who will devote himself to you and hopefully you can find it in your heart to love him as well. You are still young and have youth on your side. There are many men out there in the real world that would love to have a good woman in their life. You seem to be one of the best. So saying all of this should mean that you should not hate your life at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for taking the time to reply. i just feel that my first ex is living a great life now and look at my own as so rubbish
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A
female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (4 September 2009):
 You left your ex fiance for a reason. Just because your most recent relationship didn't work out dosen't mean that the first one would have. It just means that you need to get up dust yourself off and get back out there in the dating world and try again. You need to try until you find your 'Mr. Right'. He may be the very next guy you meet, or he may be the 10th guy you meet but you have to be true to yourself.It's ok to feel a little down now. We all have our bang your palm against your forehead moments, but once you finish feeling bad life always seems to get better. Remember "this too shell pass".
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 September 2009):
 We all have regrets in our lives. It's how we learn. Each experience, good or bad, makes us a better person. It does because that's how we learn and build our strength for ourselves and others. Have you thought that it may not have mattered if you would have stayed, that this was just not the relationship you were meant to be in? I admit, no one deserves to be abused, but being in that situation teaches you what you definitely don't want in a relationship. You can't change your past decisions, but u can move forward and start redeveloping who you are and who you want to become starting now. Don't dwell on what your ex has done and where he's at. Start deciding what you want and where you want to go. Things won't change until you decide it's time to make that change. It'll take commitment on your part, but change can happen. So can true happiness.
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