A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help I HATE my boyfriend's best friend! We never got on from the start because he told my boyfriend he could do better and that I was fat and ugly. I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years but me not getting on with his friend is causing major arguments between us. His friend is single and always wants to go out on the pull, drinks a lot every day and gets into fights. I know my boyfriend is a grown up and makes his own decisions but when he's around there is always trouble. My boyfriend bails him out with money, gives him lifts, lends him stuff and has to pick him up in the early hours cause he's too drunk to get home. I've tried talking to my boyfriend but he just says he's a nice guy I just don't know him but after he threatened to ruin our engagement party if he didn't get his own way I don't want to. What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): I hate every single one of my boyfriends friends. He's been doing good with not smoking weed, like he used to. When his friends are around, it's a different story. We have a baby on the way and I feel that he just won't quit because his friends are stupid and talks him into it. I wish he wouldn't, but you know, we dont always get what we want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): I know that this post is very old, but I am also tired of these "men" that need unnaturally close relationships with their male friends. My boyfriend currently lives in a small, one-bedroom apartment with 2 of his male friends. His "best friend" shares the living room with him. They are all 30 years old or older and behave like frat boys. His living situation wasn't always this way. He moved in with these other "men" once his "best friend" decided that he wanted to move in with him. Recently, they decided to sign a phone plan together and his best friend also is about to be names on my boyfriend's car insurance. They even talk about their future financial plans.... TOGETHER. It's always, "When WE make more money WE can buy a new TV... etc etc etc." I recently just "emotionally checked out" of the relationship because I already only see my boyfriend once a week, if I'm lucky. I refuse to be second to his friend. I'm worth more than that. I hope that your situation was resolved. I don't care what any man says. It is NOT healthy or natural to be THAT close to another man at a certain age. It ruins relationships and delays the necessary maturing that should be happening at that age. UGH. Even thinking about it makes me angry! =/
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): I was in a very similar situation, and the friend's meddling was the ultimate undoing.
I tried to be nice to his "friend", although his friend was disrespect to me. For example, he would exclude me from activities by conveniently not having enough supplies for three. Or, telling me to "take a nap" while he and my boyfriend did activities together.
One time, I drove two hours to visit my boyfriend, only to find him with his "friend" and unwilling to come home and be with me. His friend would also take him out to dinner (without me, of course) where his "friend" would arrange for another female to conviently "show up".
My boyfriend couldn't see what was going on, and thought the world of his "friend". He would tell me that he was going to call at 7 pm. I would wait up for my boyfriend until 1:00 in the morning while he visited his "friend".
It got very hurtful, waiting by the phone. Then, my boyfriend began telling me how his "friend" disliked my boyfriend's ex-wife, and how SHE had tried driving a wedge in their relationship.
My boyfriend's primary relationship had became with his "friend". I was out in the cold.
And he dumped me.
And, guess what? In a few days, I felt better than I had in three months. I started dating before two weeks had past, and I had three guys waiting to take me out. I felt pretty and wanted and my phone was actually ringing with guys who wanted to talk to me. I was no longer waiting until one in the morning for someone to get done playing with their "friend".
After two weeks, my boyfriend called me. Apparently there is something guys cannot get from their meddling friends. I told him that I would not go into the same relationship with his meddling friend in the center. I told him that I would not go through this again. I told him that I wanted committment.
He got the engagement ring.
Thank you, meddling friend. You're on the outside now, and I have the engagement ring. And, a guy who treats me 1000% better than ever before.
Because, after time passed and he started feeling the pain heartbreak, instead of his friend's voice like an annoying knat in his ear, his meddling friend made him feel like crap about the way he had treated me.
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reader, Witchy  +, writes (19 April 2010):
Lots of sympathy. While a lot of people sympathize few take action. I had a similar problem. His good buddy was just a bad influence and things got downright horrible. I told my lovely 33 year old bf of 4 years that his good buddy tried to come onto me. Problem solved. What guy wouldn't deny it? They're so predictable. Trust me, in the future you will look back and thank god that you had the foresight to get him out of a relationship that was no good for either one of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Well I know that you have heard this A LOT!...but I'm in a similar situation.Long before my boyfriend and I were together, I hooked up with a very good-looking guy. He ended up being a complete man-whore that hooked up with about anything that walked and treated my like crap after the incident. We'll when I started dating my boyfriend, lone behold guess who walked through his front door...the arrogant a-hole that I had hooked up with months before...he was his good friend!!Ok...so my boyfriend and I have been together about 2 and a half years now and it's been great. Except for his arrogant womanizing friend. My boyfriend and I live together and have lived together for about a year now, and occasionally his friend will come stay with us...which makes it extremely awkward (my boyfriend knows about it by the way). Well...trying to be a mature and bigger person, I try to pretend like the incident didn't even happen and I do NOT bring it up, in fact it hasn't ever been brought up between us since. When he comes to stay at OUR house he should understand that it is MY house as well so therefore he should acknowledge me and respect me. He just pretends that I'm not there most of the time. I'll say something and he will completely ignore what I said and start talking to my boyfriend, which I find extremely rude. He has even brought girls from the bars over to our house and done stuff with them on our couch in our living room while we were sleeping 30 feet away. It's just plain disrespectful!I don't trust him one bit. When he is in town all he wants to do is go get drunk with my boyfriend and pick up sluts from the bar, which I hate having my boyfriend around girls like that cause I know how some girls can get when they drink. Though I do trust him because I know that he would never do anything with any other woman. My boyfriend nicely asks me to drive him and his friend to the bars and when they do get out of the car everyone else says either "bye" or "thanks"...except you know who. He just slams the door shut without saying anything at all. He could walk there in the middle of January for all I care!He is just a bad influence on my boyfriend and needs to grow up. I feel that my boyfriend acts so immature around him and all he does is drinks when he's around him. I just don't know how to handle the situation and don't think I can act mature anymore by just not saying anything (my boyfriend does know that I hate his friend though) but I'm not going to make a big deal about it and cause drama. I'm just so confused and I hope if the day comes that we do get married...his friend is NOT in our wedding or I will go crazy! Please help me before I explode.
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reader, Dluvsed +, writes (21 April 2009):
Your problem sounds so much like mine. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he has this best friend who is always partying, me and him don't get along cause we are jelouse of each other when it comes to spending time with my boyfriend. His bestfriend has a girlfriend but he still messes with others. With my experience I have found out if I don't show my jeliouseness its not that bad. His friend stops.
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reader, mmmmjc +, writes (27 December 2007):
ok here is my story i have been with my boyfriend over a year and a half well i live with my boyfriends best friends house cuz his mom loves me ok but me and him don;t really get a long well my boyfriend allways want to hang out with him but he does love me but its him and that is it my boyfriend allways does stuff for him and never for any one else my boyfreind says he just uesing him but really he anit i know he anit but my boyfriend says that he don;t even like him but yet they go and do stuff together what is that all about? me and my boyfreind allways geting in frights cuz of him just today we did i yelled and screamed he was willing to give our 1 year and half up just for him to go to the interstate and get something to eat when there was food lefted over from christmass but yea my boyfriend does every thing for him and nothing for me he goes with him every where and does what ever my boyfreind wants to get drunk all the time and i don't like it .... i asked him today please don't go no where and what does he do he wants to go with his friend to the interstate but yea i don;t understand my dad says its just a guy thing that all guys are this way they grew up together there going to stay together but hell what do i know i said i was sorry to him but all i want is for my boyfreind to sit down whith me only and just watch a movie or even just take a walk with me or just the 2 of us to have fun not my boyfriend best friend cuz yea we allways have to take him with us its never just me and him only when its time for bed and then we sit in talk for like 2 mins and go to sleep oh can i mention that we don;t even have sex but once every 4 mths maybe less maybe more it sucks but he is the one who don;t want him he says he loves me but idk iam scared to losse him cuz i love him so much iam willing to do any thing for him and i mean any thing ! all i need is some edvice cuz iam scared oh yea my boyfriend don;t even touch me at nite like love on me or nothing idk what to do all i want to do s cry every nite but yea if any one could help that would be great well thanks every one for reading this your friend mandy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): my boyfriends best friend is a self centered pig with no respect for anyone but the best part of it is my boyfriend and I are getting married and guess who is the best man.... i keep trying to keep out of my mind that this person will be a prominent figure in a day that I should be really happy and all I want to do is break down and cry
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reader, halz  +, writes (18 July 2007):
well i have been in a relationship with my bf for nearly 2 years this is our only first relationship and just a few months ago his best mate has been putting words in my bf ear about me. His mate and i always fight when were together he says to my bf why did you bring her here and that im a wenger and that but im not every one else can notice his best mate is doing this even my bf he always gets into our buissness but always take my bf side and he just makes the situation worse. his mate is single everyone says that he is just jealous of wha my bf and i share abd the fact that im around all the time but its till unfair the way his best mate treats me and my bf wat do i do? wat does my bf do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): Well, I'm a little relieved to know that I'm not the only one going through this. I tried ignoring it also until I broke down in tears and told my boyfriend how much it bothered me. I must say he handled it like a true gentleman and said he had no idea and wouldn't want to be around someone that made me feel that way. Although he talked him about it I still have yet to see a change in him. So good luck getting him to be nice to you. All I can say is talk to your bf about it. Be honest. If he really loves and respects you he will do something about it. Otherwise you deserver someone who will surround you with people who will respect you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Hi babe
i have the same problem. since dating my boyfriend his friend has said so much crap about me, that we wont last, that i treat my boyfriend badly (which is not true), and it has really hurt me cos we were actually friends first and this guy was how i met my boyfriend. ive struggled to understand what went wrong and it has made me feel really negative toward their whole group of friends. i refuse to socialise with them and my boyfriend keeps begging me to come out. after speaking to friends these are the only possible solutions i have:
1) the guy is jealous of what i have with my boyfriend cos his relationship sux
2) he possibly liked me before i started dating my boyfriend
3) he no longer has my boyfriend to use whenever he wants (he treated my boyfriend badly and only saw him when he had nothing else to do)
4) he thinks i have put ideas into my boyfriends head about what a bad friend he was and blames me for my boyfriend not liking him much anymore
Either way, i tried to ignore it but i ended up bursting out in tears to my boyfriend and was so angry about all of it, he was shocked and said he had no idea that it had bothered me that much (stupid men)... how about u try a crying session and tell him how u cant take it anymore and tell him how much its hurting u. dont be a bitch but be the poor innocent one! it worked for me ;) good luck xooxox
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): I understand this is a difficult sittuation. My boyfriend's best friend and I do not get along either! "Get along" is a rather minor term. Severely HATE eachother is more suitable. My advice to you is simply ignore it. I understand that this is just about the hardest thing to do. Once your boyfriend realizes your being the mature one in the situation he will realize that maybe he and this "friend" are not so good for eachother after all. This may seem harsh because the idea of ruining a friendship is terribly inexcusable but in this case it may be in better interest for your boyfriend. I ignored my boyfriend's friend. The situation didn't go away right away but it is showing progress as we speak. My boyfriend is realizing that he is not a real friend. My boyfriend is realizing that he admires differend qualities in a friend. He is starting to hang out with friends that I get along with extremely well. I hope this advice helps you!~Bridget
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): i've been having the same problems with my boyfriend and HIS best friend. and i have a baby on the way in less than 2 months. your boyfriend wont change. and if you tell him "its me or your friend", you'll lose. i tried. i did. i see my boyfriend less than once a week. he sees his friend 6 times a week. it sucks. really. i wish you luck.
here's something to think about. my boyfriend and i planned on getting married. but yesterday i asked him to marry me if i got kicked out of my house, and he said no. he doesnt want to marry me. WHY? because we fight about his friend. alot.
good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): Yaaa...That sucks. Been there done that. I'll tell you what I did...I sucked it up I got married I had a gorgeous beautiful baby boy. Then the best friend came even more pent up with energy. So he called like all the time and I'd say "just leave please he's waking up the baby" and seriously...they'd go for like a whole day come back the next morning cuz my husband was so happy to be free'd of child duties and the best friend (rotten lil thing) was so happy to have his best friend out...yes in their defense i told them to go but if I did that the husband would freak. but I was just so greatful to not be being bugged by the phone and door tappings....Eventually. I left him he wasn't home anyways and we would always fight about that friend of his. He got him in trouble a few times and he's called and I haven't cared. And...people, they don't change don't sit them down and talk it's not going to help. number one they sound immature and i bet ur the one doing all the work in the relationship huh. ya it's gonna get tiring. Seriously...it's prolly for the best to hold off your lil wedding there its going to end up not so fun. As for the "do better" thing...that's pretty much it YOU can do better and deserve better. No boyfriend should let you hear that...seriously things better left unsaid. and thats one of them...and if the friend said it infront of u i think ur bf shoulda kicked his butt to the curb within mins. You have a case of "man crush" on ur hands. the best friend grew a philisophical vagina and now he's jealous and heart broken let down say what u want he's being a girl. and not a very nice one. I think u should just come to facts that his friend...is never going to change and neither is ur husband unless u somehow get them so mad at eachother they just wont ever talk again but...then ud have that on ur conscience :P which would be fine and dandy :P
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reader, PoSiOnKiSS +, writes (13 April 2007):
 i wouldnt give him an ultimatum, but id damn well get my point across that i wasnt happy. You need to have serious talks with him if this 'friend' has tried to ruin your engagment party. Id ask him what he wants, and then tell him what you want. that way you can both resolve things without the arguing and do it sensibly. But if your fiancee isnt interested in doing anyhting about his friend then i think its time to spend some time alone. go and stay at a friends house or your parents for a while. get there view on things and you might feel more confident with advice from friends and family who know you personally. Sometimes it takes more than childish arguments that never resolve to dig deep into someone, you moving out and him knowing why might just get him thinking and do something about it. If he truly loved you then he`d stick by you, he`s going to be marrying you not his friend.
Hope this helps x
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reader, AskEve +, writes (12 April 2007):
 I totally disagree with Maria and am with ChiRaven on this one. DON'T give him the "it's me or him" ultimatum. YOU'LL LOSE! Guys hate being told what to do and he has a lot of time for his friend. He's probably been best mates with him even before you came along so asking him to choose is NOT the way to go about this.
I think your boyfriend's friend is jealous of the relationship he has with you. He feels "left out." You're taking a lot of his time up now and he can't get to see your boyfriend as much as he did when he was single. Why don't you ask him round to dinner and be as nice as pie to him (even if it kills you lol). Once you sit down and actually start talking to him and getting to know him better you'll see another side to him (and him of you).
He might end up taking back his words ("she's fat and ungly") He sounds a bit childish and jealous to me, rise above it and let him see that you don't mind sharing him with your boyfriend. ;o)
Eve
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reader, maria14r +, writes (12 April 2007):
you know what this situation is difficult but what i would do if one of my boyfriend's friends threatened to ruin the engagment party and my boyfriend didnt listen to me about his friend being a bad influence, as much as i would love him i would make him choose over me and his "soul call" friend. cuz freinds dont do that. friends want the best for each other.
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reader, ChiRaven +, writes (12 April 2007):
 What can you do? Probably not a lot.
You boyfriend already knows you don't like his best friend. Apparently he's not going to be pushed into choosing between the two of you, and if you force him to do that, you run a serious risk of losing him ... guys really do not like to be pushed into that kind of a situation. I know that throughout my life, any time a woman has said to me "do this or I'll leave you", my first reaction is to tell her, "bye-bye."
One thing you can and should do is to avoid situations where he and his best friend are going to be together. If it's always trouble, make it clear to your guy that they're in it by themselves, but not with you along. Sooner or later your guy should begin to get the idea that the two people he cares about, you and his best friend, are not compatible and he has a problem on his hands. It's up to him to decide how he is going to resolve it. But as I say, don't you try to push him ... he'll just dig in his heels and get stubborn on you, and you could end up without him.
If you want this guy, it's going to take patience, and some maturity on his part that he hasn't shown yet.
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