A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HI,I live with my girl friend 3 years.we get on fine most of the time.We are engaged and due to get married.But every time we go away I dont really enjoy been with her.I can count 6 or 7 holidays that we have gone on that im just ready to run away when we get home.But the I slip back into the routine of daily life and things are ok again.Maybe im just too shallow and I feel i could do better.I know this is wrong but its what i Feel.The wedding is in eight months and I need to sort things.I think im about 70% happy with my relationship is this enough?she dont like to party and I do.so on nites out she is quiet.If she suggests we go on a vacation I put it off.What should I do?I think I love her.How do you know?
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engaged, fiance, on holiday, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 So what goes on when you are away that you don’t enjoy?
I love my fiancé we are getting married soon but I HATE to travel with him… especially by car… he hates to drive with me… we joke about meeting each other at the vacation spot…
Life is far from perfect.. but then who’s life is.
If you are happy at home and things are ok at home perhaps you just have different travel styles and can take separate vacations. I love going away with the girls… my best friend loves to travel and her hubby hates it so she has a travel club and goes with out him…
So what is it that happens when you are away that is the biggest problem?
Also she doesn’t like to party… is she ok with you going out without her? If so, then go without her and find other things to do with her.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2012): How you know you love her is simple. If you call off the wedding you know she might never forgive you, how would that make you feel? If your answer is you don't give a damn then for sure you don't love her and you need to walk away now but if you know you will be shattered then keep the wedding planning going!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2012): I think each and every time you go on holiday, you have a taste of the luxuries in life which you don't get everyday at home, and when you get home you feel depressed about slipping into the same old routine.
Marriage is about love and commitment, not luxuries. Do you feel that if you called things off with your fiance, somehow your life will be more luxurious?
I personally think that you're mistaking the daunting feeling of coming back home to the usual routine lifestyle after experiencing the finer things in life, with just wanting away from your fiance and the life with her.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Don't do it!!!!! You need to be completely certain, both of you. Look at the reasons why you're not happy and talk to you fiancee about them. Be honest with her. See whether you can work through them. Don't even consider marriage until you're certain.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2012): I doubt if anybody is 100% happy all the time with their partners and i don't think it equates to not loving them. Make the decision based on your real feelings and not if you party all time and she doesn't.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 No, 70 % is not enough. Some times even 100% is not enough ! you start out with best intentions - but staying married is objectively difficult. If you are already so lukewarm about your partner, about spending time with her one on one , about getting married,- I would not even bother if I were you.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Hi,
Are you sure you are just not having cold feet?Are you she is the only reason why you didn't enjoy these holiday? I will tell what i think love is and you only can decide.
Love is Intimacy, Commitment, and Passion. Also, love is defined as a high form of tolerance.Love also includes compatibility. But it is more of journey to the unknown when the concept of compatibility comes into picture.Of course you need to be compatible to a certain degree, but usually a person whom we see in front of us, may be least compatible than the person who is miles away but we still love them. Also in compatibility, the key is to think about the long term successful relationship, not a short journey. We need to understand each other and must always remember that no body is perfect.
Now since you are thinking of getting married i will tell you the secret that has made my marriage the best decision of my live. Is just by being together with my husband, sharing our joy and sorrow, understanding one another, loving each other providing space to each other, but always being there for each other.
Kelly
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Why dont you enjoy holidays with her? Why did you propose if you are only 70% happy with her? Surely you have known for a long time that you have your differences, why did you propose and arrange a wedding if your not sure about her?
When you propose you are asking the woman of your dreams to spend the rest of her life with you. You are 100% certain that this woman is perfect for you, you love her more than anything and cannot see yourself with anyone else for as long as you live. If you dont feel like this about her you shouldnt have proposed - end of story.
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