A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. he lives over 200 miles away from me and i only see him about once a month. i get lonely a lot of the time which makes me interested in lads more. I've always been against cheating and took a massive huff with my friend once when she cheated on her boyfriend. So when i went away on holiday with my school and got with a friend who is going out with my best friend I couldnt believe what i had done. Now i really want to break up with my boyfriend but he is moving here in september. I dont know whether i want to break up with him becuase i like this other boy or because i really do think its over. I cant bear to tell him because his entire family is like my family and i dont want them to think I'm some sort of cheating slut. i cant tell my best friend because i dont think its up to me to tell, plus i really dont want to lose her. But i still really like this lad and i think his relationship is over as well. I really need help and i have no one to talk to about it without looking like a complete hypocrite... What have i done?
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female
reader, DIE-romantic. +, writes (24 July 2007):
 Im against cheating too but i admit doing it once before and i regret it, so i can recognise where you are coming from. I agree with Dr Pete where he says that this relationship cant carry on as normal, and its obviously not meant to be. But i would come clean, he does have a right to know and he would think more of you for doing that, instead of denying it or lying about it and him hearing it from somebody else. Hope everything turns out okay.xxxx
A
female
reader, know_it_all  +, writes (24 July 2007):
I had a long discussion about cheating with a friend of mine last week, and maybe it can help you. He said that if anyone cheated on him (which has happened, and he knows) he said so long as she told him and explaned why she did it he would be okay with it. His theory is that if the girl feels the need or want to cheat there is something lacking in the relationship and it can only get better if he knows and can change to make it to where she doesn't feel the need to go and sleep with someone else.
I think it would be best to tell him, sepecially if you don't want him to find out on his own, which he will. Tell him why first maybe so that you have the chance to tell him the whole story before he flips.
I would go like this. I have really missed you being around and it has been so long since I have gotten to see you. I have started to feel lonley without you being around. I am very excited for you to be closer to me so I won't feel lonely anymore. I need to tell you though that I have made a mistake in the essence of being so lonely. The other day I found myself in an situation that I shouldn't have put myself in but I had been missing having company and the other day I cheated on you. I realize it was a big mistake, I care for you so much, but I found myself weak.
You may be supprised, he may not be ready to talk right away but he will realize you regret what you did, and he may have had the same problem and possibly cheated. (But don't ask him if he did let him just tell you)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): I think you are kidding yourself if you expect that your relationship can continue as if you hadn't cheated. That said, you shouldn't give yourself a hard time over cheating, obviously this relationship was not meant to be and your boyfriend was not the right guy for you at this time in your life. If he were, you wouldn't have found yourself interested in another guy so easily.
Don't you think it is most respectful to tell your boyfriend about what happened before he continues making plans to move closer to you? I think I'd appreciate it if I were in your boyfriends position.
Don't beat yourself up about what you did. Just take responsibility for your actions, sort it out the best way you can and then put it in your past. Most people learn from their own mistakes so don't feel a hypocrite for making one wrong choice. I'm sure you won't make it again and that's the main thing. All the best.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (24 July 2007):
 Is your BF moving because it's where you are? If so, you need to come clean with him about your doubts about the relationship. Give him the opportunity NOT to move. He needs the opportunity to make his decision with all the facts.
If you were going to continue to have a long-distance relationship, I would recommend that you discuss dating other people with your boyfriend (with the caveat that all people in all relationships know that there are other people). That way you can be honest and still explore your options.
It might be a good idea anyway, whether he moves or not. You "hate cheaters" but have become one. You need to make sure that you don't do it again, or you will really hate yourself, and that's not a good place to be. Not to mention what it does to the people you profess to love.
The honesty is what's important here. Otherwise you lose the other's trust and your own self-respect; once lost it's really hard to get either back.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (24 July 2007):
 You sound an awful lot like my ex-girlfriend. In fact, while I was reading that, I'm suddenly very suspicious that it's you! Your boyfriend doesn't share my name by any chance does he?? lol.
Anyway, not only because this sounds very similar, I will tell you that I think it's best that you tell him. I find it's usually better to be honest about things like this. It's better that you tell him and he finds out that way, than him finding out any other way. Obviously you don't want him, nor his family to know about this, but I'm afraid these may have to be the consequences for your actions.
I've known of these situations working out after they've happened, but giving your circumstances on top of that, I would say it puts it more in doubt.
That said, could you please message me about this or something, because it's freaking me out just how much you sound like my ex. I don't mean to pry or anything, but it's just so uncanny, so I'm sure you can understand my interest!
Anyway, best of luck with it, and please get in touch!
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A
male
reader, blazee +, writes (24 July 2007):
 heya:)
well um look at it this way, a lady wrote on here that her husband had a fling with her best friend...
if your best friend found about you two. and came on here, most people as they did with the other one would tell her to get away from you both.
so i would say stay with your boyfriend. if you only see him once a month, you dont really know what your gonna get:)
you may be suprised with what you get.
but dont hurt your best friend, because she will always be there, and boys are boys, they come and go.
if you choose your best friends boyfriend, you hurt her. and you lose your boyfriend who mite have a side you havent seen yet.
if you only see him once a month... bbe thats 12 times a year.
get to know him better,:)
good luck ok? really hope things go well:)
and watever you choose, seriouslly all the best xx
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