A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. So I'm a bit a stuck with a situation and I don't know how to get out! My parents are both in their mid 40s, I'm 18, and I have a 4 week old daughter. I've been through shit (I guess it's relevant to say), and my parents have recently been through alot too. My mum became depressed a few years back, she's gotten worse and turned to alcohol. I fell pregnant and I ended my relationship with my highly voilent ex, who put me in hospital three times and we just generally had a bad year! So, I've tried my hardest to turn things round, I've needed to offload alot this week. Things have been difficult, I've lost my job and I'm at home everyday with my baby, while my parents are at the nursery and my brother is at school. My mum worked overtime on monday. She usually has mondays off, and her friend Lee come to see her. She was out obviously so he came in and had a coffee with me. We had a chat, I just like spilled out to him, told him loads, he listened and was such a good friend! We ended up kissing.. The kiss lead to him getting a bit handy... Then Lacey woke up for a feed and it felt wrong. I stopped fed lacy and she went back off to sleep and he put his hand on my back, he told me things were going to be okay and he was always there if I needed him. He kissed me again and we ended up having sex! It didnt feel wrong, we sat and hugged and he had a coffee and we sat on the sofa and chatted. It didnt feel akward or anything.My mum come in about 20 minutes later and they chatted abit and he left. Mum said he was acting weird. I left it and sat with Lacey. Mum said I seemed down. Anyway, things have been okay, but she said to me today, "Lee's not been in touch since Monday, I hope he's okay, hope I haven't upset him." I said, "He'll be okay, might just be busy." He's texted me a couple of times asking if I'm okay, asking how I'm feeling. I've explained Monday wasn't a mistake, but it won't happen again. He said it's fine he understands, hes gonna call-in tonight to see my mum. I'm dreading it! Mum already thinks were both acting weird even though we're not. What if she senses something? I couldnt possibly tell her! Do you think she could find out or put 2+2 together? I'm so nervous!!
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female
reader, BriBri  +, writes (30 January 2011):
You need to come out and tell her because what if somebody told her before you had the chance to tell her? So just come out with it. Your parents always love you no matter what so you need to come out with it. Don't keep it in for another minute. So girl, here is some advice, get birth control because you dont need another kid, okay, one is enough at the age of 18. Don't stay in the dark, you need to come to the light. And I know that from experience, so tell the truth, they'll understand.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): You are 18, just had a baby and had unprotected sex again.
Come on kid, start using protection or else you will be faced with baby no. 2 , no job, different fathers, parents relationship with this man will go down the drain and well life will get so much worse.
I will not tell u to stop having sex with your mothers friend bec I don't think u will listen so instead I am advising you to use protection when you do.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): So many negatives here.Whilst I agree it was bad form for you two to sleep with one another, given your emotional state, I do not think he took advantage of the situation.He might well have had darker intentions. But your post does not show any indication that he did anything other then let is humility spill over into sex. This is not unheard of.However it is highly advisable that no further sexual encounters happen again, at least until your are in a better place emotionally.Who knows, it could become a fulfilling friendship. Just keep the sex out of it for now. In your emotional state, with the new born, sex is only going to complicate matters... not to mention he is likely much older than you and a family friend.And the time will come when you will need to inform your mother about the encounter. But not right now. You are an adult and who you sleep with is not really anyone else business just yet.Take care and get yourself in a happier place.Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your imput guys :) it means alot! Lee came round tonight for pizza and things, my parents had a few guests! I was upstairs when he arrived. He 'used the toilet' popled his head round my door to see how i was. Abit later i went downstairs, things went okay, i dont think we acted strange. Lee is 31. He is single and hes quite a good friend of my parents! Has been for about 15 years. Which i know may seem wrong as hes known me since i was like 3. But he genuinely didnt take advantage. I do have a 4 week old baby girl yes, but i dont feel vunerable. Just one of those things i guess, thanks so much :) xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): dear,sorry for all that trouble. Truly it can happen to anyone. When you are going through depression and confussion, it is possible to become prey to any predator around. But I believe you have a dream about your life. Instead of repeated mistakes thinking that anyone will be enough to comfort you, I would advise you visit your dream catalog and depend wholly on God to line you up with this dream, know that it is not over until you give up. I think you should even confess to her before she finds out, so it can put you in check against next time.
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Perhaps you should have a talk with Lee and tell him to keep this encounter between the two of you. I am curious though... how old is Lee? Is he single? And what kind of relationship does he have with your parents?
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Don't worry your mum isn't going to find out, unless you tell her... and I can guarantee that he won't let it out.I do feel however, that this man may have taken advantage of you a little as you appear vunerable at the moment what with all your problems. Unless it is what you want, I would suggest you not having moments alone with him for fear of this happening again.Don't beat yourself up about it m'dear just brush yourself off and try and move on the best you can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): I am worried for you. You must be quite vunerable, to have sex when you only had a baby 4 weeks ago (unless that is an error). You are so young. You already have a baby and a failed relationship with a violent partner. Then sex with someone you are not going out with. I feel you are suffering from low self esteem and are very vunerable. It is hard to advice you - as you need someone to talk to who can help you build up your confidence so you expect more out of life for yourself. Do not have sex again until you are in a reationship with a nice guy you love and trust, and most importantly, use contraception. I fear you will stumble into another unsuitable relationship unless you take care of yourself. As for this guy you slept with. Just let it go. Unless he is around your age and you think you could date him properly, just forget it happened.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 No I think you are just panicking. Ok yes you probably will give of vibes even though you dont want to he will be the same. But just dont try to hard. You said it wasnt awkward and it wasnt a mistake therefore just be yourself and act how you would normal act in front of other people. But just dont try to hard or your mother might see the sudden change in behaviour and wonder why you are trying to much.
Just try and forget about having sex with him and try and look at him again as your mothers friend and nothing more.
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