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female
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anonymous
writes: weve been going out with my bf for 2yrs with a 3mnth split in the middle. we split because i couldnt deal with him joining the army. when we were apart i ending up having regular sex with this bloke. he was very good in bed and i liked his personality but he was ugly. i know this is very judgemental and vain but i was embaresed to be seen out with him.ive know been back with my bf for 5mnths bt i keep thinking bout this over bloke what do i do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, reddevil1999 +, writes (1 April 2006):
This is a tough one, personally I think looks is very important (I hate it when they say its what counts inside an not out) however I still think yer being a bit shallow, I was once in a position where I liked 2 girls, one was super hot and a nice girl, whilst the other was considered average looking but we really connected so I pursued the "average girl" and although were not together now I dont regret it a bit as we are still good friends so basically I think you should get to know "Bob" better because if you both start to really get on well you might get past his looks however if you find him "ugly" that will probably not happen and its not fair for both of u because he will be really hurt if he knows yer ashamed to be with him and if yer not attracted to him you should end it
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (6 March 2006):
 Maybe it would be a good idea for you to go cold turkey for a while. Give yourself a chance to get a grip on the situation at hand.
Seems like your current boyfriend (the one who joined the army) has upset you and as a result you went on the rebound. Now you've got feelings for the other person.
I have a suggestion but please don't take it the wrong way or think its attacking you. Its advice you can take it or leave it! Well here goes....
Split up with the one who went to the army. I don't think you have feelings for him the way you used to. When you've split up with him DO NOT sleep or get into another relationship with ANYONE! Give yourself time out. As for the 'ugly' boy (Lets call him Bob from now on because I don't like calling him ugly!) If you like him then start socialising with him. Get to know him more and more but DON'T sleep with him. I'm not saying go completely cold turkey kiss people, flirt and have fun, but don't get sexually involved because you need time out for yourself.
After a period of three months you will know how you feel about Bob, you will be over the army guy. If you want to go into a relationship with Bob you will have a fantastic friendship to build it on. If not then at least you will have a clear head.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2006): wen i went out in public with him i wasnt embarressed it was wen i was at home thinking bout it, i kno im bein shallow but i cant help it. the reason i slept wit him was coz i was on the rebound i told him this before ne fing happend ave u ever tried goin from avin sex every day to not vin it for a few months, i really loved my bf but im 18 and couldnt deal wit him goin in the army, does no1 else think that is a big commitment for someone my age. and HE DUMPED ME!
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (4 March 2006):
 Oh my God, why would you sleep with somebody you think is UGLY for a start! How judgemental are you?
And as for being embarrassed about being seen with him, have you thought about how he would have felt had he known that? That is just cruel....
If you really like him then go get him. Stop worrying about what the rest of the world thinks and dont be so bl**dy shallow.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (4 March 2006):
 You really need to re-read what you wrote in the first instance, you seem shocked by what myself and sexybum wrote to you but you did not give us much to go on, you said you were embarrassed to be seen out with him, now you said you went out places with him, make your mind up!
What on earth are you going on about with myself and sexybum knocking back a bloke if we were not physically attracted to him, of course we would knock him back but we would not sleep with him first.
You did not make it clear that you had an arrangment with this guy for sex and only sex, had you of done so I would have understood better but for the record would still have said the same as I still do think that you used both guys in different ways.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2006): if i used this bloke for sex then he was using me to, we had a conversation before anything happened and it was agreed that neither of us wanted more than just sex. i did go out with him, we would go cinema, out for dinner or shopping all the time. it was doing this stuff that i got to know him and is the reason i cant stop thinking bout me. i dont know why you are attacking me for being vain and judgemental because i know i am and i have already admitted this fault. if i was really that vain i woulda blown him off when he came on to me, can you smeedle and sexybum honestly say if a bloke you found ugly and wasnt physically attracted to came on to you, you wouldnt have rejected them? i think not!!!!!!!!! xXx
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female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (3 March 2006):
I agree with Smeedle, you say you didn't treat the guy bad because you went out with him all the time! Is that a joke, because it was followed by 'I was scared to bump into someone I know' If you don't grow up you will never be happy. I dread to think about what the people you hang around with are like if they can that low and judgemental!!! Don't you care about what you do to the 'ugly' guys confidence or feelings! You were USING him for sex!! If a guy treated a girl like this he'd have hell to pay!!!If appearence is everything to you then get a boy you can dress up and treat as a pet and have hanging of the end of your arm. That way you'll be happy with your appearence, but you'll never be happy in a close, loving relationship. You've NEED to overcome your obstacles and stop being so vain!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2006): thanks for your replys but i thought i would just add, the ova bloke knew from the start that it was just sex i told him before the first time we did it and he liked the idea, i have not treated him badly. i went out with him all the time but i was really nervous bout bumping into someone i know. i know this is wrong but i cant help feeling this way. and i didnt dump my bf he ended it with me because i didnt like the fact he was going in the army.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2006): Excellent. Is there an island where we can exile these people to? Let's call it the "Isle of Gorgeous People" and people there will be referred as "Gorgeons" or "Gorgese"... [laughs]
On your words alone, if you can't stand him, then obviously you want him to look hot. Hmmmm... Sounds familiar... "Hot couple look?"
I say, ultimately go for what you want the most over what you want the least.
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (2 March 2006):
Grow up and make your mind up, you had a bloke and for no reason other than he wanted a career in the army you ditched him, then you meet and have fantastic sex with this other bloke who you treated apallingly and lets face it, you did not deserve him.
Now you have first bloke back (has he left the army ?)and want the other one who you say you find so ugly you cannot be seen with anywhere other than in the bedroom.
You need to finish with the army bloke as you dont deserve him and you need to keep away from the bloke you say is ugly as you really dont deserve him and you have treated him like dirt.
You need to take a good look at your self in the mirror and have a seriouse word with yourself.
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female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (2 March 2006):
 This same situation has happened to me before. I think ugly guys really go out of their way in bed or something. Anyway, unless you want to cheat on your boyfriend or dump him and go out with this guy (ignoring the stares and mean comments by your friends) there isn't much you can do. If you really like the ugly guy, then go for it! Who cares what anyone else thinks, really? Especially when you are having all the fun in bed!
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