A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About a week and a half ago I went to a good friend of mine's house, there was a party, and at the end of the night we ended up having sex. Now, I've known him for a few months now, and we were just good friends (we had cuddled a few times perviously, but nothing more.) We work together, but work hasn't changed, we still associate and talk at work but lately every time I try to text him, or ask him to hang out he ignores me. I haven't gotten weird about anything since we had sex, and I don't expect it to happen again or go any further (we even had this discussion before hand "sex is just sex" is how we both put it) but I don't want this to ruin our friendship. I just don't understand why he won't talk to me anymore. I've asked around and no one seems to have a good enough explination. So what do I do? Do I give him some space and see how it plays out? Or do I confront him and ask him what the deal is? I don't want the fact that we had sex to ruin our friendship. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
View related questions:
at work, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 December 2011):
 I would talk to him, face to face. Tell him you aren't interested in a relationship, but that you like him as a friend and would like to keep the friendship. Personally, though, he can't have been that good of a friend if he treates you like this.
And in the future, don't have sex with friends.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): I would talk to him to clear the air..but word of advise...don't have sex with your friends...if they are friends keep it that way...no matter how much this "friends" with benefits crap has been flying around in movies, reality shows...the real reality is, if friends have sex, one or both parties has sexual feelings for the other person and if they really are just friends, there is no sexual attraction and the relationship is strictly platonic. Also, have respect for yourself and don't give yourself out so freely to other men...you end up just being a "right now girl" to men, not relationship material if you are looking for that. There could be a million reasons why this guy went south once you did have sex with him...he may have gotten what he wanted, and doesn't want you to look for anything else, so he's avoiding you, he regrets what he did but doesn't know how to articulate it, so he is avoiding you, etc., etc., etc.
...............................
A
male
reader, Rabz  +, writes (1 December 2011):
He might be afraid that you want a serious relation to start between him and you and thats why you are keeping contact with him and texting him to follow up on that night you had sex with...I believe you need to give him a space , a friendship is about giving space to the other, just ignore him for a while and see what might happen if he ddin't want to communicate then his problem, don't bother yourself. I'm sure many outthere are waiting for your friendship. And you can do one more thing just speak out with him and be honest and tell him whats wrong with you...
...............................
A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Like you said, to the both of you, sex is just sex. So he got what he wanted from you and I suppose he sees no need to outwardly associate with you besides when he has to at work. Sounds like you were used. Try not to harp on it and leave him in the dust.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 December 2011):
To be honest, if he's acting exactly the same at work, it may well be that he used you. If it had become awkward between you, then he wouldn't be able to speak to you at work either. But he can. And, again if he was really a good friend, he'd try to fix this.
Seems to me that you need to try and talk to him personally and find out what has happened.
...............................
|
