A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok i need some help please ok so i know this girl for about 8/9 years and we fancyd eachother back then but i was with some 1 and so was she so we went down are own parths. Not so long ago i met up with her at a friends house for a BBQ we hit it off as soon as we layed eye on each other and we started a relationship few weeks after that to be honest it was mind blowing everything went really well it was like a dream come true. maybe it was to good to be true though cos 4 months down the line she seemed to tern cold and things went from good to bad so we split to save the arguing. We got back a few days later witch was ok but she still seemed cold to me like no emotions or affection to me. there was no other dude or any other reason we just split becouse it went cold. at the start she showed me alot of love and let me into her family she got 2 little girls of 2 and 5 and they seemed to love me to. her mum and dad thought i was the best thing that ever happened to her as her ex really put her though some bad times her whole family absolutely loved me cos i made her happy and they never seen her so happy in life and the still think very well of me today. they all told her i was a keeper and when we split they told her she's a right prat for letting me go. I know this girl likes to play games as when i was with her we would text as a normal but when i was at me mates she would text and sometimes i didnt text back cos i was busy or whatever so i would get a text from her to some 1 els but she sent it to me now none of them texts where bad so thought nothing of it but it happend alot so i sed something and she was like oh sorry its my phone your contact at the top (whatever). So like i sed we split and we stayed friends we text now and again just to say hi and that but she still sent me thes fake texts I MEAN REALLY WHATS THE PIONT WHY ??? so it pissed me off alot so i called her and and told her stop playing games and grow up she made out it was a mistake again but she still text them fake text like 1 every 3/4 day somthing like that so now i was letting it get to me and i called her again and this time i let rip told her to F off and all that and delet my numbers so it stoped for a bit. So at this point we not friends now and i started the no contact thing i would get the odd text here and there but in the end it stoped. The hard thing was her mates are my mates and so on so she would get reports from them and ill get them telling me about her just what i need when trying to forget about her, Anyway i just did me own thing started gym and went out alot more just didnt let her bother me at all found out she met this other dude didnt really bother me cos in my eyes we was over she can do what she likes (It did bother me big time just didnt let her know) well that seemed to last not to long but i never let on that i know about it didnt even bat an eyelid. now 7 months went past and my mate sed we are going to a hallowean party so i was like yea ok cool now this is where i think they set me up cos when i got there it was just me my mate (my wing man) my ex and my other mate (her wing woman) so i went in there just acted cool like nothing happened untill she started bringing up what happened witch she must not of liked hering the truth cos i let rip again and she went home next day i get a text from her saying im glad we sorted thing and she was happy we was friends again I was like WTF but we started are friendship up again. now this is where im lost we seem to get on really well now, beter than when we was together all the banter and loads of flirting but im not trying to get back with her yet im just being a friend dont get me wrong i care alot about this girl and still got alot of feelings for her im just good at hiding them feelings this is where things get crazy now we are talking alot she rings me to talk about **** really nothing inportant and a few odd fake text. Im going out alot now with me mate ( my wing man) on the pull just like any other 27 year old man would do. 1 night i get really drunk and pulled this random girl ended up back at hers getting my thing on just a 1 night thing. now my mate is taking the piss out of me on facebook saying how pissed i was and how nasty this girl was i took home so my ex gets a wiff of this and a day or 2 later she calls me saying what am i doing taking nasty girls home i should be getting fit girls and all that so i sed you lost your right to tell me what i should be doing a long time ago and why you ringing me up acting all concerned like you care witch she sed no im just ringing to take the piss am yor mate after all. Yeah i know WTF right ? 2 days later she is at her cuz house she calls me up and tells me she still loves me and she misses me and wants me back. So i say you miss me thats all it is you dont love me like that lets just stay friends. Then her cuz gets on the phone and he tells me how we should get back together and all that **** dont get me wrong i get on really well with her cuz to and they all think she is a fool for spliting up with me not bigging myself up but i prob was to good for her.Now the fake text have started up again im like FFS. so i tell her to have a long think about it and get back to me when she really knows what she wants. So i didnt run after her i just stayed doing what i was doing going out every weekend meeting new ppl with my mate now i know hes got a big mouth but he is my wing man after all so now there is a few girls interested in me IM NOT A PLAYER by all means but im getting alot of intrest. so me and my ex are talking alot about taking thins slow and moving on and all them little things. a few weeks went passed and its my mates bday so are hole clik went out about 20 of us in total and my ex was there. but the day b4 i get a text from her saying she loves me and she thinks we should just stay mates as if we ever split up again it would kill her if she lost me all over again and she cant handle not talking to me i was like ok fine its cool. Like i sed she was out with us at me mates bday we was having banter and she was trying to mug me off infrount of are mates so in a funny way i made her look silly and walked upto the bar her mate followed as i was getting my drink her mate sed oh sam my ex says you have been trying to get back with her so i put her strait and showed her all the texts on my phone from my ex and told her she would say that because she dont want to look weak by trying to get back with me ? IM NOT WRONG AM I ? then she says oh herd you been a bit of a male slag you better sort yourself out if you want sam (my ex) back so i sed look its her that needs to prove to me she has changed witch, she sed i know she is such a mug for letting you go you can do better than her and that her mate saying that. anyway went back to the gang went to the next bar now we are all verry drunk so im chatting to this HOT girl and sam comes over and grabs me and kisses me then walks off so finished talking to this girl went back to my mates and sam is getting on this fella now all my mates are saying look leave it dont want any **** tonight like im going to kick off or something I know what she was doing im 1 step ahead of her lol so let her crack on and we all left for the club leaving sam and 2 other of her mates in the bar with them other boys went club had a really good night met up with the other gir i met that night nothing like that just mates. about 2:00am ish i get a text from sam saying help me please help yes im a mug i called her she didnt answer she text me her mum and dad was arguing so i text back look not got alot of battary left on my phone if you need me call my mate ill come get ya just b4 my phone cut out she texts me saying she cant take life no more and she want to end it all im so sorry i do love you bye. so i told 1 of her mates look go see sam she needs a mate right now so she went to sams i stayed out with my mate as it ant my place to help her no more. went back to me mates house after the club went to sleep got home next day put my phone on charge get a few more text come though from sam saying go **** yourself your **** loss.. and the next 1 says have a brill night wake up good cos i hope i dont ive had enough. so called her no answer then get a text saying sleeping? so i sed look just ringing to see if your ok you was very upset last night hope your ok you can talk to me you know xx she text back yea fine so i text look i try and help you out and all you do is chuck it back in my face. then she text saying you always make me look bad wen your the 1 that out sleeping about i was like WTF and went back to bed as i was well hungover wake up bit later to 12/14 text from sam (my ex) saying sorry for last night. call me . please call me ETC ETC so like a big bug i call her just want see if she is ok ended up on the phone for 2 hours to her talking about BS she did say that she was going to see some 1 to talk to and get some help and asked if i would go with her OFC i sed i would go just so she would go and see some 1. call me a mug but i do still love her and if she did get help i would like to see if we could try again its been a few days now and ive been sucked in by her ive fallen in love with her all over again i dont know why its just something about her. fallen in love again thats a lie i never stoped loving her and she has just killed me all over again was talkin and she sed she loves me and wants me but dont think she can trust me cos got a fear of being hurt i think its maybe a new bloke but this is where i need your help be honest what do you make of all this whats the games all about what do you think i should do should i let her go or should i give her time please please help thanks Dan.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): The Games you both play only push one anothers abandonment buttons. You both don't sound like you have come from good, loving, supportive homes so of course you will be attracted to one another and at an intense level.This recognition is a part of finding fellow abusive personalities to re create abusive dynamic that is called cycle of abuse. I totally agree both of you need to head to counselling ASAP because you both need to heal and recover from neglectful homes because you are so caught up in hurting one another.Real love isn't about hurting another or yourself (you both don't take care of yourselves very well). Its about sharing your life and being a friend to one another. Treating one another with kindness, no games, no drama."Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness..." King James Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 You both could have this type of love, that uplifts, supports, and sustains over the emotional games and emotional abuse you are both caught up in, so long as you both attend couples counselling.It will be the best thing you both could do for yourselves, and for the other.Hang In There. ;)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): When I read this I thought it sounded like a school kid playing silly games,very immature and attention seeking girl.I can't believe she has children.
You may love her but you have to make up your mind here, you sit down talk to her face to face,not in the pub or club,tell her she either wants to be with you or not.If she dithers about then you will have to draw a line under it, that means not taking her calls,answering her texts, changing your number if need be and cutting her out of your life.If she wants a relationship then she has to grow up and be with you,no games.
As long as she can play you she will,it feeds her ego,so you either cut her out totally and move on or be together.
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