A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:we had a fight.Feels like he doesnt understand me, he thinks he did nothing wrong but everything he said was hurtfull,when we went to bed he held me for 2 sec and then told me"sorry dont know what i did wrong but ja... in a cruel manner. I said nothing so he just turned his back on me and slept. i cried for 3 hours and he didnt hold me or comfort me or talked 2 me it is like he doesnt have feelings, i never pictured him like this sorted it out today but i still cant get over it what should i do, think???? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilie  +, writes (4 August 2007):
 Aw honey, It sounds like youve been having a rough time. They are right he acted like a child more than a man and you reacted in the only way you could which is understandable. Just talk to him, tell how you feel have a lil cuddle and tell him it does make you feel better even when youve argued if he just hugs you. This way im sure it will slowly re-train him to react in this way in difficult situations. Please dont let this spoil your relationship. I hope it works out best wishes xxx
A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (3 August 2007):
 This is classic, "What does she want?" Men don't really know what women want, most tiems women don't know what they want either, except they know they want a man to be a man. So the only thing he can do is be the best man he know how to be. For alot of men most times they fall short, unless he's taken instruction from wiser men. There are a fixed number of emotions that people have, but how a person reacts depends upon the individual. Your boyfriend was feeling frustrated, the way he acted was more like a boy than a man. I believe that it is a man's role to be the leader in a relationship, if he upset you, it's up to him to take the lead and come to some positive solution or a resolution. Unfortunately, some men don't do that, maybe because it's easier to quit in frustration like a boy. It really doesn't matter though, becasue you can only control your responses to your emotions, you CANNOT control his. Your job as a woman, regardless of whether he's being "BIG" or not is to verablize your feelings to him. If you need a cuddle, tell him. If you can do that, and he is willing to respond to your needs, then he will be displaying the affections that you need. A few wise things to remember... "you get what you give". If you want affection, you have to give affection. "Love is a verb". Let go of the argument you had the other night. The next time you feel like your needs aren't being met, and you feel like pouting, try instead to tell him what you want, "he's not a mind reader". If he cannot respond to your needs, then he may not be the right man for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007):
You need to learn to understand each better. He wasn't not comforting you because he was consciously being cruel, he was responding the best way he knew how. And that's exactly what you were doing by lying there for 3 hours crying - that didn't work out too well either, did it?
It sounds like your boyfriend found it hard to know how to respond to you being upset, and it sounds like you took this as him being cruel and not caring about you. If you both continue with this way of thinking you'll always end up in this situation every time you have an argument.
If possible you need to re-word things. Let him know you are upset because it feels as if he doesn't care, rather than making him think that you are upset because he doesn't care. There is a big difference.
But right now, if you want the relationship to work, get over what happened. If you can't get past what happened then it will eventually be what ruins your relationship.
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