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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: why do people always judge me when they see my in the streets, or abuse me and call me all the names under the sun when they see me with my child. im 16 now, just after my 14th birthday i was raped by a friend of my cousins in his late 20's and ended up getting pregnant. i am completely against abortions and always have been since i knew what one was. they are wrong under any circumstances unless theres a chance either the mum or baby cant survive, but thats not the issue, when i was raped i ended up pregnant, he had taken my virginity and got me pregnant but for some reason i fell in love with my baby, i ended up having him just 3 week after my 15th birthday and i adore him! i would not be without him, i got a boyfriend when i was 3 month pregnant and he knows the situation and he has been there for me and he has been so supportive its untrue! i have to much support behind me with friends and family etc, but people who dont know the sisuation always call me names, 'slag, slut, whore' i get on the bus with my son who is now 14 month old and i hear people whisperin n stuff, normally it wouldnt bother me but it really does. why do they feel the need to stereotype me and judge me? i tell people hes my brother. should i have to do this? im happy with my life and love my baby and my boyfriend to pieces! but people say im troo young for a family of my own but i cant help it. why do people do this?!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2008): Honestly, it doesn't matter what the losers who talk about you think. It's funny that their life is probably quiet crap so they have to talk about yours instead. You have been through a hell of a lot but have a lot of support and thats fantastic. Don't care about what these people think, you sound like a great mum, and your little boy is lucky to have you. Keep living your life the way you are living it, and good luck with your future =)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): I'm crossing my fingers, I hope your exam results are good. Thanks for the update, that was very thoughtfull of you. I wish you and your son well. Take care.
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male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 There are times, just when the thought is going through my mind that everyone today is a complete waste of space, someone like you comes along and completely ruins my usual cynical, grumpy, lack of faith in humanity.
As I wipe away a tear (literally) and try to control an unaccustom outbreak of real emotion, I wish I could find words good enough to congratulate you the way you truly deserve, young lady. Refreshing. Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou everyone. its so nice to know theres support even from complete strangers. DiovanLestat i have got a trust thing set up for him but my mum sorted most things out for ma as i was quite messed up when he was born, i dont actually get any benifits or help from the state, i have paid for everything off my own back. luckily i had bonds off of my great grandma which i got for birthdays and ssuch, when she passed away i cashed them all in, my parents have helped out LOADS and my boyfriend is on quite a good paying job, i have sat all my exams last month and am just waitin for my results on 21st august, i am going back to school in september and have got a job at the moment in jack fultons lol. but im looking for a more perminant thing until september, :D x
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female
reader, Khandi  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 I am so sorry that yo had to endure such a thing. people are going to talk reguardless. You don't owe anyone an explination for your son. people are rude and crude and just evil. they pass judgement with out even knowing what had occured in ones life. under no circum stances do you owe it to anyone to explain to them that you were raped. if that is the case you will be explaining countless times for the rest of your life. You did not ask to be raped but it was very brave of you to keep the child that resulted of it. I don't know you but i am soooo proud of your bravery kiss your son for me he has a mom/mum that is the best thank you for saving his life and not letting the circumstances of his exsistance cheat you of the love that you have for him. sis just keep in mind that you cant stop people from talking, looking and being rude. all you can do is your part, raise your son with your head up. and stop telling people that he is your brother he is your son and you are his mom/mum and you both have a reason to be proud of one another. I hope this was helpful or at least enough to make you smile today! :0)
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Big Hugs honey. At the moment you probably rely on the government to help and support you. That's alright, you need the help. I'm sure the people that work and pay taxes wouldn't expect a person in your situation to cope with this without support. I don't mind paying for you, and I wish you could get more funds to help you out. I hope you claimed the baby fund for when he's 18 and set up an account. I also think you should contact your health visitor and try to find a "sure start" scheme in your area. I think they provide extra help and also the goverment is currently thinking about providing more money for those to attend. Contact your health visitor and tell her your concerns, your young and you need help and she's paid to support you.
Your 16, you might start thinking about what to do about further education or work. Although your a mother, you have the added burden of deciding what you need to do about your own future. You still need to get educated and one day you will need to get some type of job. Your son will be in school and you will need to find something else to do with your time. I'm not sure about your school grades or if your working already, but you will feel much stronger if you educate yourself, get a little paid work or even voluntary work, so you can stand up to bullies and meet them on your their own ground.
Your still young and it's early days, but a little on-line research into opportunites and choices available to you will help you and your son become more secure in the future.
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female
reader, Confuddled77 +, writes (4 July 2008):
 I know it's difficult but just ignore them. People like that themselves have skeletons in the closet and are no better than anyone else. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Enjoy your baby and be thankful you have the support of loving friends and family and a wonderful young man and pay no attention to those who make these nasty remarks behind your back. If you don't have anything good to say about someone, then say nothing at all. I'd just tell em off like that if I were you. =)
Goodluck with raising your little one and God bless.
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 Because they are small minded and ignorant and have nothing better to do with their lives than stick their beeks in someone else's business.
You sound very brave, one day you will look back at these experiences and be so proud at how you pulled yourself through with dignity. Some of the greatest leaders and achievers in the history of the world suffered indignity and abuse at the hands of the ignorant public, like you they held their head up high because they knew they were better than the scum who were mocking them.
When they say these things just remember that you are not on their level and in time you will pity them for their tiny little pea sized brains.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone. its just so upsetting to know people dont care about the situation and they just jump stright to conclusions! i try my hardest to bring up my gorgeous son, he gets everything he needs! although i may struggle at timesm more often than not i have everything i need for him, its hard knowing that all the money i get no matter who its from or what i need it for it gets spent on him, he might not be perfectly dressed in al the top gear but hes smart, fed, clean, and hes happy and so am i =D can i also say to any teenagers reading this that feel like they want a baby or want to start having sex, think before you get pregnant because its hard work! you have no free time an you loose your life. im just so glad i have the support i do!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): It is so unfortunate, you have had to deal with a lot at a very young age;however, I am sure it made you a lot stronger and you are very fortunate you have the loving support of your boyfriend and your family;
There will alwyas be nasty people, but keep your head high, look at your lovely baby, give him a hug and most important DON't let people upset you or get to you; don't allow what others have to say to fester in your mind or heart.
Lazyguy really explains it all so well!
You just keep going; live your life!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Don't you EVER BE ASHAMED of yourself or your son. You've done a wonderfull thing in giving him life even though the circumstances surrounding his birth and conception are difficult. Lift your head high girl, feel proud of yourself and feel proud that you have more honor and decency than these small minded people who think it's alright to hurt young people with their hurtfull words and stares. If anybody, anybody at all ever insults you with their disgusting words, turn to them and ask them politely to keep their opinions to themselves because you didn't ask for their help and are doing brilliantly without their kindly advice and support. Tell them to stop saying your a "slag, slut, whore' because they don't know your situation and have no reason to judge. Tell them to watch their manners and keep their minds out the dirt, you have a son who has been brought up well, and he's not used to nasty people or nasty words and you don't want him to grow up to be just like them.
Sorry kid, ignore these stupid fools. They may have older parents but they've been brought up wrong. Be proud that your a better parent and human being then they will ever be. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF AND PROUD OF YOUR SON. You've done really, really well. Good luck, take care of you.
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female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (4 July 2008):
 People judge other people its what happens on a daily basis everyone assumes something about someone without even realising it.
What happend to you is trully awful but you have something to show for it you have a bright light that came from a situation so dark an awful, he gives you hope and unconditional love, you know what he means to you, you know what happend to you. So what if people call you names, you have someone who loves you and adores you so completely it shouldntr matter if anyone judges you or is rude to you.
Just walk away from them just ignore it dont let themget to you they dont know you they dont know what happend to you so just ignore there nasty petty comments because everyone who loves you knows that isnt true and you should never listen or pay attnetion to anyone who means nothing to you.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 Because people pigeon-hole others. It is just the way we work.
There is a simple trick you can try to test this out. Take a match (the item you use to start a fire) and hold it between your fingers with the head part so only the blank wood sticks out.
Then ask someone to identify what you are holding. Almost everyone will guess right. HOW?
Because we associate a small rectangular piece of wood with a match. We see one element (the wood part of a match) and assume the other (the head that makes a match a match).
What is the most significant part of a match? The wood or the head? After all matches can have other types of handles and not all small pieces of woods have to be matches. Tooth picks come to mind.
When we see a young teen girl with a baby we immidiatly think "teen mum sponging of the state". It could be a sibling, a baby-sitter, your own case, proffesional care-taker, a woman who just happens to look very young. But we don't think of all those possibilities we think what we believe is most common and judge that person then by all the pre-judices that come with it.
It is just the way things are. I am not to pretend the world is any different then it is and you are unlikely to be able to change the world.
Now your decision to care for this baby is yours. It is your freedom but you can't stop other people from judging you for it. Part of growing up is to learn that to accept that others are free to have their own opinions and continue to life your own life regardless.
Life your own life and leave others to their own opinions, don't let it affect you. It is the only way.
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male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 I admire you entirely, you're very strong.
We live in a world where people judge by what they see instead of judging with facts.
Live for yourself, let others say what they want. What matters is that you are a proud young lady who love her child.
find a way to smile and never let it go away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Because people like to gossip and draw conclusions from the most miniscule amount of available info.
They read the statistics and look at you and assume you to be one of them.
Clearly you aren't. The fact you chose not to abort a baby resulting from a rape proves you have the guts to be a great mother and with the support you claim to have, I applaud you.
I'd advise you to not get worked up with that people whisper about you. You know the truth and those who matter to you also do. Those people on the street can think as they please, they are humn and that right is theirs to cherish.
But if they are ignorant, mean and wrong... then it is not your problem. It is theirs. Let them have their small-minded thoughts.
Make sure your child does not grow up to be one of them... with the atrocity the father committed upon you, it will require YOU to teach it right from wrong.
Again, try to pay as little attention to nay-sayers on the street as possible. There is no point letting them win.
Good luck and all the best.
Flynn 24
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): First of all, congratulations for being a strong young lady and not only surviving a terrible situation but also for being strong enough to love and be a mother to your baby.People can be narrow minded. They take all the negative stories they hear and apply them without thinking to every young mother that they see, without bothering to think about the circumstances that lead up to the young person becoming a parent. They make assumptions that may or may not be true. You shouldn't have to say he is your brother, be proud to be his mother and love him for who he is. Words do hurt, hun, I know, but hold your head up high, keep working at being a good mother and say to yourself "They don't know me, they don't know my life, and if they want to be ignorant in theirs that's their problem because I am better than they think".It's fantastic that you have the support of your friends and family and a kind and loving boyfriend and I hope that you are making plans for your future that include continuing your education (either school or maybe your local technical college) so that you can be a successful mum with a full life and good knowledge to pass on to your little boy as he grows up. Good luck to you.
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male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (4 July 2008):
Ignore them.
Be proud of yourself and of your baby. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - they don't know you, and if they're as blinkered and prejudiced as to judge you before they know anything about you then they're not people you want to know either.
You're not too young, as long as you have the support of your friends and family, and as long as you and your boyfriend aren't trying to manage completely alone. You already know it's not easy, and you certainly need all the help you can get.
There will always be nasty people who think you should be running your life differently. Forget them. It's your life, not theirs. And by the sound of it, you're making a very good job of it.
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