A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just a general question for males/females with any sexual orientation:How long did it take you to learn to masturbate successfully?I have tried on a few occasions to pleasure myself and all I feel is highly ticklish and/or pain. I give up after a few minutes. My boyfriend tells me it will take a LOT of practice to learn to masturbate properly, since I will need to find out what I like and don't like. And that's probably true, but he's a guy and so it's simple for him to masturbate = all he has to do is 'pump up the shaft'.I don't feel like my genitals are 'normal' so to say, my clitoris is almost completely hidden behind the hood it's that small and highly sensitive but not in the way that is pleasurable! My boyfriend has tried oral and fingering me multiple times and they get me aroused but after a few minutes it hurts like crazy and I have to tell him to stop. It's not his fault because he's not hurting me on purpose - I'm just highly sensitive and instead of pleasure I feel pain especially around the g spot and clit.I would appreciate stories/advice especially from females but guys can comment too - since I would especially like to know if males can 'automatically' pleasure themselves or if it is a skill they practice and develop just like women have to.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Take time out when you have peace and quiet and can relax. If there are any thoughts that you get that make you feel tingly or naughty try and call them to mind. Use a lubricant (water based lubes like KY jelly are best) and start gently touching yourself. Reapply a little lubricant as and when required. If something isn't feeling good then stop and try something different. Don't rush things. When you feel like you have had enough, then stop, even if you haven't "hit the heights", and try again another time. If you continue to experience pain, even using lubrication and being relaxed and gentle with yourself, go and see your doctor to see what they suggest.
A
female
reader, talker  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 Everyone's different. It takes some people a very long time to find out what they like and other people it takes no time for them to find out what spots to touch and how fast, how soft to go. Honestly, I believe it all has to do with how open you are about your sexuality. The more open you are, the more spots you try to touch, the less shy you are with yourself, the faster you'll be able to learn. However, in your case, if you're feeling pain then you should really contact your OB/GYN and let them know that instead of pleasure, you are feeling pain during sex and masturbation. It's nothing to be ashamed about (in case you felt weird about it).Another piece of advice I can give you...after you've seen your doctor...is to go to a sex shop. People who work at sex shops can help you find something that would either enhance your sex life or give you advice with your situation. They have heard it a million times and know what to tell you, for you. Hands for girls, don't always work. There are different toys you can buy that might help you get there.:)
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