A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years.Before I met her I had been in a 10 year relationship, and during that time I had the 'snip' because my then girkfriend already had children and didnt want any more, and I thought we would be together forever!When I met my new girlfriend, who was 22 at the time, she wasnt interested in having babies and me having the 'snip' wasnt an issue.Now she is 26, and her friends have families and children, and now its something she wants. I cant afford a reversal, and if I could the chances are very low it would work. When we talk about it she just says she made her bed so now she has to lie in it!I know how much she wants a child of her own, and I know its going to become a bigger issue as time goes on.My question is, do I stay with her knowing this is gonna eat away at her all the time and deny her what she wants or, should I end our relationship and give her the chance to find someone else and have the child she wants? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): Yes if you really loved her you would save up the money, IVF. Your girlfriend is young and you must want your own child too?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): You need to look further into the options. You could use a donor, then it would at least be her genetic baby - adopting a small baby being well nigh impossible in the UK. It is the process that women want to experience, pregnancy, birth - and it is hard to know that it is denied you. But talk to the doctor, get referred. I'm sure there are more options than you think.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): Do you want children? If so, would you want a child with her? Is she willing to sacrafice having a child to stay with you? I agree with the others when they say that there are chances of you having children. Like Cerberus said, go to the doctor, do research. If you really love her then you should try to find a way to make it work. I did some research and found some websites that I hope will help you:http://www.vasectomymedical.com/vasectomy-reversal-success-rates.htmlhttp://www.epigee.org/guide/vasectomy_reversal.html I wish you the best of luck and hope that you can have children and stay with the woman you love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): I have been thinking about this since I posted. Do you want children?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 January 2011):
 Well how about you think about the other options first and discuss with your girlfriend what she would like to do?
First of all, your girlfriend is 26 so there are a good few more years before her age will become a problem for having kids - therefore could you not put together a savings plan for the next 2 years to save up for the reversal? Maybe it wont even take you 2 years - but just sit down, look at your finances and work out how much you can save per month and how long it would take for you to get the money. Many women have children between the ages of 28 and 35 - so you have plenty of time and I'm sure you can save up enough in a year or two to get it reversed. Even if it doesnt work - it is worth having a go. The success rates are pretty good if you have the revesal within 5 years, not so great if its within 10 years but still not bad.
If the reversal really is not an option (I would be very surprised if the two of you together could not come up with a way of saving up the money within a couple of years, it is not a particularly expensive procedure) - then have you thought about adoption? Sperm donors...etc? There are many alternatives to the typical 'natural birth' so these are well worth looking into.
So sit down and talk to your girlfriend - she clearly loves you and wants to be with you otherwise she would have left when she realised she wanted kids. So have a good talk about this and explore all the options, see what you both agree and disagree on and then take it from there.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 cerberus said it all and wow did he say it now it's up to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): Are you really giving up that easily? Seriously, are those the only two options you think you have?
Honestly man you need to fight harder for this if you really do love her. Time to start saving your money or get a loan to get that reversal and if that's not successful then you need to look at other options because there are lots of options that you don't seem to have even looked into. You have given up far too easily on this issue.
1. Get the reversal and see if that works.
2. If that doesn't work then there might be another way to extract a sperm and use that for IVF treatment.
3. If there isn't a way to get sperm out then there is treatment that will put your genes into one of her fertilized eggs and you can have kids that way.
4. She could just go to a sperm bank and find sperm from a guy that matches your physical characteristics exactly and you can raise that child as yours.
5. Go to your doctor, go to specialists, do some research, get some medical journals etc and find a way man.
If money is an issue then start saving, get a loan, find the money to get this done somehow. I really don't see how you would even consider letting her go without doing everything in your power to keep her. I would fight for this and I would do all I could to ensure I could have kids with her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): This is a really tough question. There are so many levels to it. Initially I was thinking that perhaps you both could find a way to be happy without children. But then I read back your post and it stuck out in my head the part where you say that you got the snip because you thought your ex gf and you would be together forever. Got me thinking, what if you and your girlfriend break up down the road, what then? You know, pass up a chance to have a child to stay in a relationship that may or may not last. That would be pretty spiteful for her. (Sorry to be pessimistic, just thinking of all possibilities.)I think it all comes down to how much you care about this girl. And vice versa, how much she cares for this relationship. Maybe I am speaking for myself, but it is not easy to find someone that you love. Its not hard to date, but to actually find someone that you truly care for is hard. I mean how much do you care for her? Can you picture your life without her? Do you want to marry her? If she is really special to you, as in you can't imagine your life without her, then no I don't think you should break up with her. Where there is a will there is a way. You both can find other mediums by which to go about having a child (adoption, artificial insemination.) Or perhaps start saving up to reverse the snip. You need to talk to her about this. If you love her, start by letting her know how much you care for her. Tell her that you want to be with her for the long haul and are willing to do everything in your power to make her happy and provide what she wants e.g. children. Then let her know that there is a chance that you both may never be able to have children. And after you let her know how you feel about her and the sacrifices you are willing to make to make that possible, ask her how she feels about taking that chance with you. And let her think about it. But don't just break up with her and just give up on this relationship so easily. I know how you feel and you are definitely coming from a good place by feeling the way you do and wanting her to get out of life what you can't provide. The problem with that is that she is going to see it differently. She is going to think that you don't love her. So it is best if you talk with her, tell her how you feel, really put forth effort to make this possible for you guys and let her make the decision.If, however, you just want to break up with her and not really fight for this and try to seek options, then perhaps you just didn't really love her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): I don't think this is really your decision. You don't know if it going to eat away at her. When two people get together there is are guarantees they are going to be able to have children.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (17 January 2011):
Are you certain that you would have to pay to have this done? Have you taken medical advice on the chances of success? Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances regarding NHS treatment for this. It's not clear in your post if you've taken medical advice for this, but if not you should speak to your GP who might well refer you to a urologist.
As far as having children with your current partner, have you considered the possibility of using a sperm donor?
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male
reader, Okiefrommuskogee +, writes (17 January 2011):
I got a vasectomy at age 18... I have been adamant to NEVER have children, primarily due to the financial responsibilities that come with them (in the US, one child costs an average of $250,000 from birth to college). It sounds like you made the decision to have a vasectomy because of your previous girlfriend and not because you do not want children. I would dump this current girlfriend and find a hot young 20-24 year old that doesn't want children and just move on...
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