A
male
age
30-35,
*aronanonymous
writes:Hello to all, I welcome anyone's advice and just a disclaimer this question is very prolonged because it requires so many details. Well I am gay, and up until recently I haven't always told the people that I am. So when I entered my senior year in high school, I found myself very much alone and then I met this guy who for the life of me...confounds me. Our friendship hit it off, and I remember getting closer and closer as our high school senior ended, when graduation ended when everyone went to greet everyone...we went to go find each other and left the ceremony extra early, only to meet each other on our instant messengers and we talked all night (casual talk.) Now he went off to school in a different city, I stayed in the same one. And his first year I just remember going on the instant messenger talking to him every single day, and texting each other nearly everyday. We would arrange to meet each other at times, and when we failed to meet each other...most of the time he would just text me an anticipated "hey I am sorry I can't go on today...but I'll be on tomorrow." And then every weekend we would arrange to meet each other, and we would go out to dinner. We usually tried to invite other people, but they opted to not come. So after a while, we just gave up and would go out for dinner when he came to town alone with each other. I remember we developed a lot of inside jokes and we would synchronize our messengers to watch movies together (ranging from comedy to somewhat romantic) and then our initial friendship based on jokes and inside jokes started shifting to a more emotional friendship where occasionally we would talk on a more serious level. I remember when he was stressed and sick, I'd text him and concerned and told him the mundane advice to relieve his stress. He would text me and thank me and tell me that my text made him fell better...and that made me feel great, because by a certain point I really felt like I had fallen in love with him. I loved his personality, and even though, I didn't immediately turn to him for his looks---overtime, because of my infatuation I was attracted to him. The confusion exists in all the unexplained signs he sent me, we would pseudo flirt...we would play fight a lot and call each other names. Another thing that I failed to mention is he's never dated anyone, and he never told me anyone he found attractive. The friends that introduced me to him labeled him as "Asexual" but I believe coming from a background where it took me a while to openly tell people about my orientation...it would make sense for him to not really talk about that kind of stuff. Now our situation went for a little over two years, but we had a rather large tribulation because I accidentally accused him of putting my phone number offering a free item on a website. He got so mad that I doubted him...that he never talked to me again. Presently, and not because he's there but I am ironically transferring to the same university as the one he's attending.So now that I have had the time to put my feelings I once had for him aside and write this question in a less blinded by love kind of format. Based on the information I provided...was our friendship really a privy relationship? Was there a mutual love connection between us? Was he gay to begin with? Should I consider contacting him again? If so, how should I do it? Are second chances ever worth it, or is the rupture too much that things will never be the same? I appreciate the fact any of you took the time to read my problem, and I kindheartedly appreciate all the advice I can get. I am terribly sorry for the awful grammar and punctuation, and the length of this question--which happens to be actually a plethora of questions embedded in one. Thank you so much, and again I REALLY would appreciate any input to decide whether I should try and pursue him again or at least reach closure for myself.
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female
reader, clarebear  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 I don't know if he did feel the same for you, but there's only one way to find out. Asking him.
You said that you're unsure how he would respond, but wouldn't you prefer that he responded in any way, rather than never talking to you again. If I were you, I'd talk to him, and find out how he really feels. Better than never knowing.
Roadblock? The only roadblock is the one that's stopping you from asking him. Honestly, I would rather find out the truth, than to always wonder what could have happened.
You should tell him everything that you're thinking. Tell him all the thing's you wrote down on this page. You said that you loved him. Maybe you can show him that.
I really hope you can sort this out.
x
A
male
reader, aaronanonymous +, writes (18 January 2011):
aaronanonymous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for reading this clarebear, and I am grateful for the advice you have given me. You said you don't think it helps much, but I feel at a dead end because I really do not know what happened between us, and knowing that we will be in the same university...I am also unsure how he would respond to my e-mail. I should definitely attempt to contact him though...I am just at a roadblock, I wonder if he felt the same for me :/
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A
female
reader, clarebear +, writes (17 January 2011):
Firstly, well done for admitting your sexuality. Many of my friends are gay and I know how difficult it can be for them to tell everyone. And well done for getting into university :)I'm sorry to hear about the misunderstanding that you and your friend had. It sounds as though you were like two peas in a pod, so for him to not ever talk to you again, just over a little misunderstanding, is hard to believe. I think that you should talk to him, maybe send him an email and ask him how he's doing, and how uni's going etc. If he replies, then you should tell him that you're going to his university. Tell him that you're sorry for what's happened and you'd love it if you could make it up to him. I can't tell you much more on what to do or say, because it's your relationship and you should do whatever feels right for you. I don't know if he was gay to begin with. But it's clear that there is love between you both, and it's not worth losing over a silly argument. I really hope it works out for you both.Sorry if this hasn't helped much. Goodluck x
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