A
male
age
41-50,
*enry
writes:i just got married after long distance relationship, but as i went back to marry now my wife i just discovered that i had no feeling for her.She is no longer beautiful as i thought and nobody else has told me that she is beutiful.after our wedding I struggled to make love to her, even the last day to return to my base she asked me to make love to her which i failed to do because the feeling was not there.please i need advice on how to tackle this problem before it get out of hand[Added from the same user]i am confused and need urgent advice.i just get married to my wife but before then we were at long distance relationship.i barely new her even before i travelled.though she is a lawyer with ood job,nice,godly and hard working.But i discovered that as I get home for our wedding that i LOST MY SEXUAL feelings towards her.She seems not to be pretty and attractive as i thought.after our wedding i struggled to make love to her and even the last day to travel back to my base she asked me to make love to her which i tried but could not perfom.please i sincerely need urgent advice before things get out of hand.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): I'm not sure you would look at my boyfriend and say "oh he's gorgeous" but the fact is the chemistry is there and I think he is wonderful that is all that matters. It sounds like the chemistry is not there for you and this woman and you have relied on physical attraction purely. Usually its a combination of many factors that bring people together. Write down what those things were for you and why you got together. If it was all based on looks you may need to seek counselling which could help both of you decide whether this relationship is something you want. LDRs are highly pressurised often so give yourself time but seek counselling if you need to make decisions / progress.
A
female
reader, tayalouise +, writes (14 October 2008):
 Although this must be hard, physical appearance can't be the only reason you got married.
Try to remember what made you fall in love with her and want to be with her, does she make you laugh, can you talk for hours.
Maybe you could take her out somewhere where she has to dress up and make herself look as beautiful as possible and this may trigger some feelings in you again.
Sometimes after marriage people make less of an effort with how they look, perhaps this is what has happened.
Talk things through, think about what you want.
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A
female
reader, JUSTBROWSING  +, writes (14 October 2008):
 my husband and i got married after a long distance realationship. we are cool though and all i can say is communication is the key, sometimes i wonder if he has regrets but no signs shown. good luck. pray.
p.ss but be real with her don't waste her time nor yours you don't want to make the hurt worst by cheating, lying, etc. be real, most women just want honesty
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (14 October 2008):
 This does seem like a very bad problem. One thing that struck e though is, why do you need other people to tell you how beautiful she was at the wedding? Surely it shouldn' matter what someone looks like as long as it is someone you love.
Now I dont know, but you could be in shock that you are married and you know what, as sad as it is, lots of men (as do women)lose sexuality towards the women they marry straight after they marry. It doesn't help either that you are not anywhere near her to properly spend time with her so you might feel, well like, there is no relationship and that you are tied to someone you dont know.
You really need to be open with your wife, talk to her, try and connect with her. There is a reason you asked her to marry you. Recall that reason. I am sure its not just because of her physical beauty. People rarely marry people who are just outwardly beautiful. Its generally a combinaion of inner beauty as outwards. At your base do you have a counslor? Go to the counslor to talk about your feelings because they would be better help to you. They are trained to pin point the problem and help you find the solution.
Goodluck
HonningKanin
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