A
female
age
36-40,
*izzyb
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years. We're both 21. We've had the most blissful, easy, uncomplicated and fun relationship for virtually the entire time. We are often labelled as the perfect couple and his friends think I'm the cool girlfriend coz he can hang out with them whenever he likes, coz i like my girl time too. Unfortunately I tend to say really hurtful things when I get angry. Normally it's like water off a ducks back, he knows I don't mean and just says stop being stupid and moves on. But the other week I got angry at him two days in a row really badly over things he can't control. He's doing his thesis atm and had a medicine interview last week. He basically said I love you but I can't deal with you being angry at me while I' m stressed. I apologised and said I promise I won't ever be cruel like that again but perhaps a week off might be good to give him a week to concentrate and cool off. That went ok. I was totally miserable during that time and beating myself up. On the Sunday of the week I saw him. He was still a little upset but everything was left ok and we decided just to see each other once less per week during the next 3 weeks til it's due and speak on the phone every other night. On Saturday night everything was fine, he said lovely things and it was great. But in the morning I guess I was feeling a little vulnerable and sad that I wasn't going to see him for a week. It was made worse because he was a little tired and grumpy so I said I couldn't do it (as in us) anymore. I retracted the comment and apologised for what I said and we both said we didn't wanna break up. But since then when we've spoken he seems a little distant. It's partly because of the other stresses, but I'm scared my mouth has really gotten me in trouble again. He's still calling and everything, but just doesn't sound himself. I'm torn between just letting him have his space this week and trying to make it up. I've kind of come to the conclusion that I should just be as positive and supportive when he calls me and leave him alone during his stressful time so I don't make a mess of it again. Do you think this is the best solution or should I be more forthcoming? He's such a wonderful guy who's made me so happy. I just don't know the best approach because he has never been complicated at all.
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female
reader, Star_07  +, writes (14 October 2008):
 It seems that you need to figure out whats going on with you, why do you keep making comments ans saying things you dont mean? That can become abusive and when you say the wrong things, the damage is already done. You cant go back an erase it or make up for it. Thats something you need to figure out before you seriously lose this guy!
As for your question, I think you should tell him exactly whats going on with you. That you really want to spend time with him but also want to give him space. Tell him how you honestly feel. That doesnt mean that you shouldnt give him his space, Im just saying that you probably should explain whats going on with you. He certainly cant guess whats wrong, you have to tell him.
I hope this helps. Meanwhile, while you are giving him space, maybe you can think about why you say the things you say. Getting angry and spouting off at the mouth is no excuse, its hurtful, regardless of how you feel afterwards.
Good Luck and Take Care!
A
female
reader, honeychild4402  +, writes (14 October 2008):
 hmmmm quite a tough one! the saying 'out of sight, out of mind' can come into this, as in the more he doesnt see or hear from you the more he'll stop thinking about you, which can cause some relsationships to drift apartt, however spesking or seeing him too much during this time could also get quite annoying! hes probably really distant because he has so much stress from the other activities, so be supportive as a simple nasty thing you say can really upset someone who has already got enough to deal with. just sound helpful, ask him how hes feeling, if he needs you tell him your just a call away, and really sympathize with him when hes feeling down and let him know that it will all be over soon and you two are gonna be happier than ever when it is, also when you said ''He's such a wonderful guy who's made me so happy'' tell him that too. good luck xx
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