A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:What have I done? I've really hurt him:( how do I apologise?So I got drunk last night and I'm the kinda girl that never drinks. (I'm a good girl, i dont party or anything) But I was bored so I drank last night and woke up with the biggest hangover ever!!But I had personal trainer session this morning and I told my trainer that I was too drunk for the excercise.He went off! He got so angry and he had the hurt in his eyes.I really like him and he always looks into my eyes:)But I don't understand why he'd lecture me and get really upset and not look at me cause I was drunk:(I really like him but now he probably think I'm an alcoholic. Why did he make sure a big deal out of it:(What should I say in a text to apologise?Thanks:(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): If you simply didn't show up to your appointment then he is annoyed because it's unprofessional and you wasted his time. Time is money.If you did show up but didn't or couldn't work out because you were drunk, then he probably got very disappointed in you as a client. As a personal trainer he's probably very health conscious so probably to him the idea that one would get drunk for no good reason (you weren't out celebrating a good cause, you were simply bored), is to him disgusting. Also as a personal trainer he is all about self-discipline, and getting drunk is the complete opposite of discipline because it means being out of control. And the fact that you did this for no good reason but again because you were simply bored, is probably disappointing to him.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 February 2013):
 I agree with Cerberus, Cindy Cares and Honeypie.
You are making a huge mountain out of a molehill. YOU Pay him to work out.
If you showed up and refused to work out, it’s HIS JOB to work you out. YOU PAY HIM to be your trainer right? Therefore it’s HIS JOB to give you grief over abusing your body. He made a big deal out of it because you did not respect your body, you did not respect your workouts you did NOT respect his JOB.
You SAW the hurt in his eyes but I doubt it was hurt; probably annoyance and frustration if anything.
If you apologized already you are done. DO not harp on it… and getting drunk one time is not an alcoholic….
YOU really like him…. You have a crush on your trainer and are reading way too much into this… I am going to suggest if you are serious about getting in shape and working out, find a trainer you are not attracted to. I always preferred to work with female trainers.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 February 2013):
 I agree 100% with Cerberus, you are reading WAY to much into this.
Find another trainer if you have such strong feelings for this one.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 February 2013):
 Of course he was mad, what did you expect ? You did not cancel , not even last minute, if I got it right , - you just showed up in no conditions to work out. So, he founds himself with an unpaid hour to twirl his thumbs at the gym , while if he had known he could have booked with another client, or just stayed home and shown up at work later. Plus, being honest is nice but some times perhaps a little white lie can't hurt . You did not even say " I am unwell, I feel under the weather today " you just told him " I got drunk so I can't work out ". It must have felt as if you were laughing in his face, not taking your training seriously at all.
Not to say that you did anything so terrible or shocking , - these things happen, and he'll get over it in no time. Only to point out ,in fact, that you think he is taking this personally , when he is just pissed off professionally , and that most probably there was no " hurt " in his eyes, just annoyance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Do you think that he likes you because why else would he get so upset, and if you like him then maybe it worth taking it further, unless he's one of them trainers who doesn't date his clients. But it couldn't hurt to text him, I wouldn't apologise because you didn't actually do anything wrong but maybe text that you don't want any hard feelings.Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (4 February 2013):
 You've been given already some good advice here, particularly by cerberus, but let me add that this should also be a lesson in learning to be discreet. He didn't need to know you were hung over. You could have said you fell ill or you got a stomach virus. There's such a thing as being too honest, particularly with people who are in professional service industries (trainers, teachers/professors) where there is a level of mutual respect and should not cross the line into too personal or TMI. Most people aren't going to have sympathy for people who don't know their physical limits on alcohol-you look foolish and immature. By sharing this information, you look like you don't respect boundaries, and that's probably because your perception of the boundaries between you and this trainer are already blurred. Either try to reestablish them by getting rid of your crush or take the advice of others and dump him (as a trainer) to date him.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 February 2013):
 He's angry because you wasted his time and money by not showing up. The only thing you need to do is pay for your missed session. That's far better than an apology.
If you have feelings for him, wait for this to die down then ask him out and find a new trainer.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (4 February 2013):
 You haven't hurt him but you should offer to pay for the missed session if you haven't already - he should have some sort of a cancellation policy (e.g. 48 hours notice). He would have every right to be annoyed with you if he has missed out on his fee.
Other than that, leave it. You are just one of his clients. He would be annoyed with any of his clients for turning up drunk - it's not exactly healthy, is it? He's trying to help you get fit and healthy so he's not going to be over the moon at your drinking binge.
He won't think you're an alcoholic, but he might think you're unreliable and not taking the personal training seriously.
Try not to grow too much of a crush on this guy. Personal trainers are friendly and sometimes flirty with lots of people as part of their job.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (4 February 2013):
 HI
Unless your his only source of income ( which I doubt) he would have forgotten you by now. So you got drunk and missed your appointment, the only one who is really missing out there is you. You need to think seriously about your training, are you going to get healthy and fit? or are you going in hope of a relationship with your trainer? either way your not going to get either by being reckless and drinking to the point of drunkeness. Next time you go just say you will be more committed in the future, and leave it at that. Also I would get a different trainer if he was as upset and hurt as you are saying, his there to train you not tell you how to live your life, if his that bothered that your not taking it seriously HIS the one who should cancel you out and get more committed people to work with.
mandy x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Spendy this whole situation sounds stupid. First off, he's your personal trainer, probably was a small bit pissed you missed your session and gave out to you for not sticking to the program and wasting his time that day. You're overreacting massively here because you have feelings for him. How in the hell is he going to think you're an alcoholic, why the hell do you need to apologise again when you already did?
You see this is why you don't have personal trainers you have feelings for OP. You need to end the arrangement and ask him out.
You don't understand why a personal trainer would you lecture you for missing a training session because you got drunk instead? Really? You obviously don't know personal trainers all that well, or anyone at all you miss an appointment for because you decided to get drunk instead.
You haven't hurt him, go OP, stop being so emotional. You had a training session, you missed it because you got drunk and he got pissed off because of that which most people would and that's it. There's no hurt there at all, why would he feel hurt?
OP you need to stop training with this guy, you're far too emotionally invested in this, and all this is to him is business. You already apologised, no need to do so again, stop being so emotional and overreacting to this situation. He'll be fine when he sees you next but you really need to do something about liking him or you can expect a lot more upset in the future. Next time get a female trainer Spendy, you're paying for a service, you#re paying him to help you get fit, you're not trying to buy his time just so he can gaze into your eyes. If that's what you think you're going to be bitterly disappointed when he moves on to another client.
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