A
female
age
30-35,
*londeBabe x
writes:Hey guys, this is basically a question about long distance relationships. The one I was in has already ended but I am just desperate for an outsider’s opinion on this because my friends and family are too close to the situation. I play in a band and at one of the gigs I met a guy there, he just seemed perfect but the problem was the gig was in Leeds and I am from Glasgow. I took his number and we just start texting and everything was fine until I started to like him, but it was long distance and that meant I figured it would only ever be a crush. But, I was naive and we carried on getting closer, it got to the stage where it could be 4hr phone calls and then on Skype the rest of the night. It was constant and intense, and the more I got to know him the more I realised we had a ridiculous amount in common. Everything seemed perfect until he eventually told me he really cared for me. I have never tried long distance before, I just didn't think it would work but it felt right and I thought I'd regret it more if I didn't give it a chance. I am not usually the kind of person to let someone into my life easily but I found myself telling him stuff about my past just because he understood. To think back now it seems so naive and I really wish I hadn't done that because the more he knew the more I cared about him.This is where it gets a little ridiculous because he began to tell me things like we were 'soul mates' and that this wouldn't end because he couldn’t imagine his life without me in it now. Now, of course, I didn't really believe any of that but what I took from it was that he genuinely cared for me. Three days ago I received a text were he basically said I quote 'you are my air I need you to live and without you I'd just be nothing.' Really cheesy, I know but I fell hook, line and sinker for it. But on Saturday, I started to feel like this was getting too difficult, it has just been too much too soon and I just needed it to slow down for my own sanity. My friends talked sense back into me and everything was fine until I asked him out of curiosity if I was to freak out a little about how intense this was would he be able to calm be down and help me through it. Now here's my question because asking him that was totally the wrong thing to do because he ended it then and there. Now don't get me wrong, I never expected this to be forever but I did expect longer than only the two months it was. He had gone from calling me 'the love of his life' to two days later saying 'I’m sorry but my mind is made up'. How is it possible for someone's mind to change that quickly? Now, I have thought to myself that it must have all been lies, and at the time he may have meant it but he was just caught up in the moment. I phoned him this morning as I was fed up of over thinking everything and I needed answers and he gave me three reasons for the break up; 1. I was scared 2. My mind isn't in the right place 3. I can't do long distance anymore. Now, I wasn't his first long distance why couldn't he have told me that from the start? He is a complicated guy but it just feels impossible to trust anything he tells me now. He is adamant that all the stuff he told me was true, and that he ‘meant it at the time’ but he keeps talking like this was ages ago he told me all of this when genuinely most of it was on Friday night and now on Monday afternoon that’s it all gone. I just feel incredibly hurt and betrayed, as for once I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt and it has backfired on me. I know I can do better and that I am way better off without him, I think it's the shock of it all.I was just wondering if anyone has any idea what could have caused his mind to change so dramatically like that. I don't know if he was just relying on me to always be the strong one and as soon as he saw a flaw in that he had to run. Some opinions would be appreciated because this is driving me crazy trying to figure it all out on my own. It would also be good if you had any idea on how to move on from this?Thank you for your time.
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female
reader, BlondeBabe x +, writes (4 February 2013):
BlondeBabe x is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you, genuinely thank you. That sums everything up so well.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 February 2013):
 It's actually better to end it sooner than to drag it on. When you end it later you just look back and feel you wasted time on a fantasy. I think he ended because you were actually more serious than he is. What he spewed out was just words. When you want to take it slow it implies you are the serious one here. Some people are just content with living a relationship in the head. The fact that you freaked out meant to him that you want an actual physical relationship, and not just dreaming. You woke him up from the dream so he can't do it anymore. It's the shock of how someone can use you as an emotional dildo and then discard it when he's done.
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