A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear agony aunts,I'm really desperate for advice. This situation has kept me awake at night and I don't even have the guts to tell friends or family about my predicament.3 months ago my boyfriend broke up with me. We'd been dating for 3 years and were extremely close. His family loved me and included me in all their gatherings and activities.The break up was extremely sudden. He just told me one day that he didn't love me anymore and for a moment even felt attracted to someone else. I was extremely heartbroken, specially because I'd envisioned a future with him.It was hard, but I moved on. Cut off contact with him and kept living my life.One month later he comes crawling back. Says he still wants me, can't stop thinking about me, whatever. But also says that WHAT HE FEELS IS NOT LOVE.I tell him that he should make up his mind, that either we date or not. No half-assed arrangements. I give him time to think about it.Two weeks later, he agrees we're dating again. But I don't really see it... he kisses/hugs/pets me when we're alone at home but acts like we're not together when in public. Walking the streets he won't hold my hand, at his house he hasn't told his parents that we're back together, we haven't really been in public as a couple again (since the breakup).And me? My feelings for him cooled down considerably since the breakup. His actions since then have only turned my feelings to ice. I haven't told ANYONE that we're back together since I'm not feeling that we are.Two days ago, a guy I've known for years (a former crush) asked me out on a date. He was romantic and decisive about it, making my heart flutter. I agreed to go out... but didn't specify WHEN.Am I in a relationship? Am I commited to someone? It sure doesn't feel like it (plus, I only see him once or twice a week). Yesterday I tried to tell him that I wanted to end this stupid half-assed relationship, but the words got stuck in my throat.I feel like I'm wasting my time on the (ex?)boyfriend, waiting stupidly for him to love me again. In the meantime, I'm missing my chances of happiness with someone else.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 Yes, you are wasting your time with your ex and this half-assed set-up. He doesn't love you he said, after several years of telling you he does? Then he doesn't know what either love or commitment is, and my guess is he's with you in this half-assed way because it is convenient. He even told you himself, he's not with you because he loves you. And he's made zero attempts to rebuild the relationship, make you happy, or show feelings for you (feelings which he claims to not even have....) so all in all, you give of your heart, body and time to him, while he gives.. exactly what in return? Nothing.
You're not back together, no one knows about it, he acts like you're not together when in public, what you have here is a FWB situation. You're free to date as much as you like. Tell the ex you want a break, if you don't know how to dump him in one blow. Tell him you want a break at first, then give it a week or two of no physical contact with the ex (and go on your dates in the meantime) and then dump your ex afterwards.
Really, you owe your ex nothing after he stomped on your heart and threw your love away like it was worth nothing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): It sounds to me like you and your (ex) bf have grown apart and are ready to go your separate ways.
Don't feel guilty, just tell the (ex) bf the truth.
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A
female
reader, mis understood  +, writes (23 August 2011):
He found out there was nothing better than you out there and couldn't imagine why he let you go! But, the problem is he brought back his "taking you for granted ways". If he hasn't changed and isn't proud to let everyone know you are a couple again, the you still have nothing and he's right, "he's not in love with you!".
Don't let something that could be better for you get away!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): I don't think you're in a relationship, so end it and go out the new guy.
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A
female
reader, Opalescent +, writes (23 August 2011):
I never really understood the question in your post but I will put in my two cents.
If I were you, I would end what you have with your boyfriend (ex). If he isnt 100% into the relationship, its not going to work (obviously). Guys that cant make up their minds are bad news. Think about it, you both are scared to tell your friends and family that you are back together. Why? Because I think deep down you both know its not right and your afraid of what they will think/say.
End what you have with your ex and take a chance with the new guy.
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A
female
reader, KathrynM  +, writes (23 August 2011):
If you can't tell him that you can't be in the 'relationship' anymore write him a letter, put everything you just wrote in that question in it. If he doesn't want to be in public with you anymore he doesn't deserve you. Get him out of your life and try it with this new guy, feelings pass and there is no point wasting time with him when you could be moving on with your life and finding happiness with this new guy.Good luck. xx
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A
female
reader, NennaHB +, writes (23 August 2011):
 You should put in balance the advantages and disadvantages of being with your (ex)boyfriend. If you feel he is not treating you like at the beginning of your relationship, as you know he can - means he is not making an effort and maybe he is just missing sex. Don't let him offer you less than you deserve.
And I think seeing a new guy can help you grow back the self-confidence. I would give the new guy a chance, but it's really up to you to know if you can make things work again with the ex and if it's a relationship worth fighting for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): Are you sure you want to be messed about? it sounds as if he is doing this do you know if he was seeing anyone after the split, if he didnt have nothing to hide he wouldnt care who and when your seen out with him! i would sit him down and tell him your not his bit on the side for when he wants! go on that adte enjoy yourself good luck x
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