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*ualienne
writes: I've been seeing a guy on and off for the past 6 months and like him quite a bit. It was labelled a "no strings sex" thing when we first started seeing each other, but it clearly isn't that now, there are feelings which I know are there as previous situations have caused us both to admit so. We keep it a secret because he likes that it's just ours and private, no one can mess it up. I too like this, but the longer I'm seeing him the more I want to kiss and hug him in public. It's only a light thing because he had just come out of a live-in relationship, (well, he cheated on her with me, so very just out of) and didn't want anything serious. I too, after my first sexual experience and not being coherant for it, didn't want anything serious as I found it hard to trust. He's absolutely gorgeous and treats me perfectly. But I would quite like to go public. What should I do!? Reply to this Question
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reader, WesnJanelle05 +, writes (24 August 2005):
wow i really dont know what to say beucase im kind of shocked. about 4 months ago i was in the same exact poision you are in right now litterally. he was one of my ex's i love my verginity to him and he broke my heart (well that might be alittle diff) but than he was living with this other chick and me and him were having sex but we both agreed the whole no srings attached thing.. as time went by he left her and still was seeing me but we kept it all secret beucase we werent really sure that we wanted our friends to know and when he moved out after awhile he told one of his room mates and he was fine with it and than i started hanging out with him all the time that his room mates just kind of figured it out but we have freinds that went to high school with us that we really didnt want to know but that we started going out in public and to my suprise he was radomly holding my hand and kissing me in public and i loved it we have been technically dating for over 2 months now and things are perfect. i guess my whole point of writting this is you have to tell him how you feel beucase if you dont than he'll never know what he is "doing wrong" in you two's relationship and just give it some time if he cares for you the way it sounds he will come around but you have to let him know what hes suppose to come around to
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reader, Jualienne +, writes (23 August 2005):
I'm not in love with him. I just find myself wanting to kiss him and hug him when we are at his. He no longer lives with the girl, he had moved out when we got together, he was just still with her and looking for the perfect excuse I suppose. We have seen eachother before, and he, from his actions and words, thinks a lot of me. I understand his reasons for wanting to keep it secret, for sure, the people we hang around with are erm.. a certain type that would interfere. And when we're not entirely sure there's anything to tell yet, we haven't seen the point in telling people. One of his housemates knows, as he saw us kiss, but I think the others have cottoned on to it as well they just havent said anything. I just fear that if I say these things to him and don't say it right that he'll go away. He's my release and I feel so special around him. It's a predicament for sure! I contradict myself so often on what I want from it and how I feel about it. Does anyone see any sense in it all?
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (23 August 2005):
 Question this secrecy thing very seriously; it sounds like an excuse to me. People tend to only want to keep a reltionship secret if there is something to hide; after all, who could mess it up if your feelings for each other are strong enough?
Okay I'm going to be personal now. I wouldn't trust this guy an inch. If he is prepared to embark on a no strings sexual relationship when he lives with someone else, what does that say about him? He might treat you well but is he trustworthy? If you find it hard to trust, how can you trust him? If he is no longer with his previous partner, shouldn't he have left her first before starting any sort of relationship with you?
Talk to him, make sure there is trust in your relationship and simply ask him about going public. If he has nothing to hide, he wil be proud to be with you.
Good luck.
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reader, pops +, writes (23 August 2005):
Talk to him about your feelings. Frankly,if the sparks are flying between the two of you, everyone who knows you both are already aware of the deep attachment. Don't let yourself be dragged along in a ' secret " relationship, unhappy and miserable because you can't show any public displays of affection. If he continues to insist on the no contact rule, and you go along with it, you will start taking it out on him in other little ways. Sit him down and tell him how important it is for you to be able to kiss, and be physical in public with him. You are a " toucher", and don't want to treat the man you love the same way you would act around your boss, or father, or brother. Tell him if any of his friends try to tease him about your behavior, that he should simply tell them that they are just jealous, and walk away from them. ( Eat your hearts out, guys!" is the way a friend of mine put it to his buddies. " She goes home with me every night!" He was short, and much older than his wife, and she was tall and buxom, and had been turning heads for years!)
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