A
female
age
51-59,
*usieQ73
writes:i am happily married woman...yet i cheat on my husband...i always feel bad afterwards...but i get a kind of high thinking about it and doing it..till its over..what do you think?
View related questions:
married woman Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): Susie, what you fail to also quote, is what Jesus said to the woman who committed adultery, "Go and sin no more."
I suggest you re-read that whole passage to get the true meaning of what really was said.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): Your husband deserves the respect and consideration any human being is entitled to. There would be no feelings of guilt ( I don't think you know remorse as remorse aids you into not committing offense again as it registers it is wrong and you want to change) which implies that your husband is unaware of your cheating ways.
You married a man who desires monogamy otherwise why the need of secretcy and guilt?
You want to not be monogamous then you need to be with someone who does not want or expects it from a wife/partner.
You tell your husband and let him decide, he deserves the freedom to choose.
You are robbing him of so much and all for the sake of happiness for your own selfish purposes. This is not love.
Time to get counselling, time to choose if you want to remain faithful, devout, monogamous to your husband or if you want to not be free of marriage and monogamy,time to tell your husband.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): Firstly to keria: I would NEVER cheat on my fiancee, and I have NEVER cheated on a boyfriend in the past. And no that does NOT mean I'm 'ugly'. I just have the respect and true love for him not to hurt the person I love in that way! And yes, I AM monogamous, and I'm a human belive it or not.And why are you encouraging this lady?I take it you sleep around aswell? Heres some advice keria, next time you get a new boyfriend, tell him that you will shag other men whilst you two are in a relationship. Lets see if he sticks around with you! Ummm probably notTo susie:You say your 'happily married' but in the next sentence you say 'yet i cheat on my husband...i always feel bad afterwards'. You are NOT in love with your husband, you are NOT happily married! How would you feel if he started shagging other women? How could you do this? I feel sorry for the man. He deserves a nice, loyal woman who wont go shagging loads of guys behind his back.Get a divorce, tell him its because you love shagging other men but you feel guilty about it afterwards because your married. Then you wont have the guilt, because you wont be married to a nice, decent guy no more.
...............................
A
male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (30 May 2007):
It's obvious to me that this woman is too identified with her wants & needs & not anyone elses.
Also, it's easy to say that monogamy is living a lie, but how many people out there could cope with their partner shagging around? I know I couldn't & neither could my ex, yet it was OK for her to seek that kind of sexual excitement whilst she was with me. It was amazing though how when I was texting someone or looked at a girl, she'd be looking at my texts & at who I was looking at!! She even thought I was two timing her!
What makes this a particularly despicable act is that she hasn't approached her husband & asked if he is ok with it, she just did it anyway! How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
Relationships are about bonding, once you are bonded with someone you normally don't need to put it about. If you do then I suggest that perhaps you're no longer in love with your husband & if you haven't got the strength of mind to try to make it work then you should do the decent thing & get out!
...............................
A
male
reader, AdamPayseno  +, writes (23 April 2007):
 I think your a very sad woman who thinks about nobody but themselves, in a very egotistical way.
Why the hell would you cheat on someone you Married? It makes no sense.. If you get a rush off it.. Divorce.
Your in the wrong place.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 April 2007):
 SuzieQ, why would you risk devastating your husband for a couple of tingles?
...............................
A
female
reader, Keria +, writes (20 April 2007):
Hi didn't want this to become a debate... I just thought Susie needed some encouragement, and not judgement.
Yes, I'm a Christian, but not in the traditional sense. Not in the sense of a male-dominated church that takes literal interpretation of the Bible when it suits them, and at other times uses tradition to override it. I believe in the teachings of Jesus, that we ought to love, and be forgiving. We ought not to go around with judgemental attitudes.
When the pharisees wanted to stone the woman who was found to have committed aldultery, he said, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone". Of course, they all realized their hypocricy after that, and started one by one to leave her alone. I kind of hope in some small way the people on this forum will leave Susie alone. She is hurting, and doesn' need this crap from everyone. You know what he said then? He said, "Neither do I condemn thee"!!! Wow! She committed "adultery"... and Jesus (of all people) said, he didn't have any problem with it. He was not going to condemn her. Things were supposed to be different... but then the whole teaching of Jesus got sabotaged by the church.
As for adultery in the bible being condemned, well that was back in the old testament days, under Moses. And the reason given was nothing to do with love and affection and all that romantic stuff. The reason given was because the woman was OWNED by her husband, and it was a form of theft. Premarital sex was also condemned, because the virgins were OWNED by their fathers, and were a commodity to be sold later to the wealthiest suitors. Is that how you want to live today? I didn't think so.
The Bible also condemns homosexuality. Christians today are learning to take the good, and put it in context. Today we do not deny to men to be affectionate, nor two women. So why are we so judgemental when a woman wants to have more than one partner? The Bible allowed polygamy... but always for the man. Solomon had more than one wife, but do you ever read of a woman in the Bible having more than one husband? No! becuase it was a male-dominated world. And that world is still around us today. We still deny freedom to women. They are still love slaves to their husbands. Jesus came to set people free from bondage. Let us not re-tie their cords that he broke.
Let us not throw stones.
SusieQ73, do not condemn yourself. Jesus would not condemn you. Love yourself, love your husband... but be a slave to no one.
...............................
A
female
reader, Keria +, writes (20 April 2007):
Sluts don't pick and choose. I do not suspect SusieQ73 is a slut. There is a difference between picking up every guy who talks to you in a bar, and finding select men to receive pleasure from.
Susie, like I said, don't let people call you slut, and if your husband won't agree to give you freedom, enjoy your freedom whatever way you can. You are a person, not a pet.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 April 2007):
One becomes monogamous when one truly loves another. Some people don't love or are incapable of truely loving another and that's when you get the "cheaters" in a marriage. I currently am in a 32 year old marriage with a lovely man and we still find new things to love about each other. True love is monogamous, yes indeedy do.
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (20 April 2007):
 Yes, I really think people should try. I dont think that hurting other people is right, and not really cristian is it?.
Your belief would only work, if both parties felt the same way. If this was the case, this lady would not be doing it behind her husbands back. And in that case, she knows this will hurt him.
So how can your belief be right?.
Would like to add as well, that you say humans are not meant to be manogamous, and should be able to go off with who-ever they like. You are basically saying we can act like other animals.
Of course there are animals, who will have sex within their family, do you think this is OK as well.
You have to draw the line somewhere, and does it not say in the bible. Thou shalt not commit adultry. Well you would know better than me, after all you are a cristian.
...............................
A
female
reader, Keria +, writes (20 April 2007):
I am a Christian, myself. I just think too often things have been misinterpreted. Many people believe in a fairy tale love where emotion, devotion, and sex all go hand in hand. But we all know that most people, no matter how much they love each other, get bored of sex. Men can be sexually active well into retirement. Women can too. But for most monogomous couples it is not that way. The 7 times a week becomes 3 times a week, becomes 3 time a year. A little variety is good, and adds strength to the marriage. The problem today is that most people are selfish, and lack self-esteem at the same time. They want to OWN the other person. They want to restrict their movements. You belong to ME! True freedom comes when people realize they can make their own choices. They can chose who touches their body, and who touches their heart.I don't have anything against atheists, or born-again christians. I just have a problem with the slave mentality that we can own our spouses, and that they own us.Tellulah, do you believe that humans are monogamous by nature?
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (20 April 2007):
Tramping around with several different people, does not make you a slut?.
Sorry I fail to see the difference myself, but you obviosly think otherwise, and there seems to be no telling you any different, so I except that we all have different morals. By the way I am an athiest.
...............................
A
female
reader, Keria +, writes (20 April 2007):
Yeah right. Not everyone who is non-monogamous goes around getting STD's. The church might want you to believe that. There is such a thing as safe sex. And just because someone is non-monogomous does not mean they are not picky! They can still make good choices. There's a big difference from tramping around like a slut and just enjoying the thrill of several different people.
Human monogomy is a total myth. Very few mammals are, and humans are not one of the ones that are. Ever wondered why rates of "infidelity" are so high across every single culture in the world? No race, country, or religion is exempt. Even born-again Christians who might try to hide what goes on in their churches will have to admit to themselves at least, that it does go on. Why? Because it isn't meant to be.
SusieQ73, don't listen to these people. Yes, be safe, No, don't go and hop into bed with every guy you meet. You are worth much more than that! You are valuable, and you can make these decisions for you self. Just pick the best!
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (20 April 2007):
Kiera,
Is there somthing wrong with you,
Ok your right I should not have said Twat. That was really wrong. But for goodness sake, do you have no morals at all.
This lady is married, what if she does get caught, or worse gives her husband an infection of some sort.
I am not high and mighty, or ugly, funny enough. But I do care about people, and I would never cheat on a loved one. I dont think that makes a person boring or bad. Its just respect for the person you are with.
I really do think you are talking drival!!!
If this lady takes your advice, she could end up dead.
...............................
A
female
reader, Keria +, writes (19 April 2007):
I think everyone has been too hard on you! The problem is they are all possessive selfish people. I'm surprised the moderator let comments like, "you are a twat" get through.
Monogamy is NOT all it's cracked up to be. I bet half the people on this forum have had affairs and are too dishonest to admit it. Either that, or they are too ugly to have anyone look at them, as so they go around all high and mighty about themselves, and preach out against those who do have them. Half the people on this list are hypocrital fools!
Sweetheart, I can completely understand what you are going through. Society tells us we have to be monogamous, but in reality, humans are NOT monogamous! Study after study has proven this!
Now, I think you should talk to your husband about this, in an off-hand sort of way, and suggest to him that you are going to give him freedom too... Let's face it, at some point in his life he is likely to have sex with someone else anyway (unless he is ugly) -- it's reality! If he agrees, then you can get into the conversation with him. Don't tell him about the past, but it would be nice if you both could feel more free in the future. But having said that, it's sometimes the sneaky feeling that makes it feel so good.
At any rate, life it too short to be prudish. I think you should ignore the idiots on here with their judgment and name-calling. Stop feeling guilty!!! You are just doing what almost every other woman wishes she could do! Enjoy yourself, but be very careful you don't get caught!
...............................
A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (19 April 2007):
i truely feel sorry for your husband, he must of picked the biggest skank on earth as a wife. if you cant keep your legs shut then do the decent thing, tell him the truth get a divorce and take it up as a full time job instead of a hobby.
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (19 April 2007):
Hi,
This is an easy one!!!!
I THINK YOUR A TWAT
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 April 2007):
Just had a thought, maybe your husband would like to sleep around too, why not ask him? I assume that YOU'D have no problem with that, or would you?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2007): i think you should listen to yourself. really. you don't love him. you love yourself. if you really can't stop sleeping around, just leave your husband.
it's not even about monogamy. it's the simple fact that your husband believes you are monogamous. if you explained to him from the beginning that you'd be sleeping around eventually, and if he still married you knowing that - then it's okay. but from what i gather, he doesn't know anything. poor guy. quit being selfish. and if you can't, then it's really better for you to be alone.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 April 2007):
I think you need a hobby...ever try knitting?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): This sounds like a classic case of selfishness to me. You say you're happily married yet you seek the thrill of attention from other men. If you feel guilt afterward then why do you continue to do it? I don't feel that this is a lack of attention from your husband, especially if you claim to be happily married, I think this is a problem that you have within yourself. You are probably one of those women who crave constant attention and enjoy the feeling of being wanted by other men. If you really want advice, I'd say if you're going to continue spredding your legs for every "tom", "dick", and "harry" then you need to let your husband go, it's not fair to him. If you ask me, what your doing is quite disgusting. How do you think your husband would feel if he knew you were having intercourse with other men and then going home and kissing him with "tainted lips" (and I mean both set of lips). Nasty! I hope you don't give him a STD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, susieQ73 +, writes (18 April 2007):
susieQ73 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your answeres...they have given me new ways to look at things...and i just want you all to know that i will never leave this man...i love him that much..now matter how fun things can get on the other side...know one shall ever know me better...all i want is to to stop this cheating....and be everything he wants me to be..and then these feelings set in buy talking or whatever to someone else and chemistry does its thing...yea he would leave me if he knew...i guess i just want my cake and eat it too...why does mognogamy have to be so damn important....
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): If you are in a happy marriage then why are you cheating on your husband? Stop the cheating, it'll only make your guilt worse afterwards and think about ways to spice up your own marriage.
...............................
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (18 April 2007):
 I think you're in need of excitement in your life and you stopped getting it from your husband. I honestly don't think you can still be in love with your husband if you can do this to him, so why stay? You say you get a thrill from being with these guys: why has the thrill gone from being with your husband?
I know the honeymood period ends on every relationship but you're married, you have made promises to him. If thes fun and love is gone, you have to get out.
However, if you think you do love him and want to work on this, the only way forward is to come clean and, if he wants to, get counselling and sort it all out. If he doesn't, you'll have to move on. But secretly, I think you want out and him leaving you would be ideal? Think about what you want from life and if it's fun, stop leading this man a merry dance with you, it's just not fair.
I guess only you can decide what you want to do. I have no doubt, if nothing is done, this will continue and if you can live with this guilt, as you have done until now, I don't see you ever stopping. But think of this man who you once loved and have some courage to put things right. He deserves more.
If you want your fun, go out there and get it, but don't hurt others in the process.
Good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): I think the reason y u like cheating on ur husband is because he doesn't give u enough luv!
Wen eva u fink of cheating on him u must tell urself "NO!"because if ur happily married now u might not b 4 much longer!
Hope this helps!x
...............................
|
