A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay so I had sex with this huy for the first time. And it was at my house and it was a very special cause he took my virginity. So anyways after that we were talking and we did it again but at his house. So the next day I told him we should stop having sex for at least 2 weeks so we can know eachother better and he said I dontknow if we should be friends. And that made me sad, mad, and upset. So I asked him what did I do and he told me that I didn't do nothing he put himself in the wrong position with me cause he was not really into me. So I got upset then he told me why he was not in to me cause I'm a mexican. I deleted him from my contacts so I won't say nothing that I will regret I just need a very good advice for this proble... oh and we work together Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 July 2012):
 Sorry he sounds like a total douche bag. He thought you were good enough to have sex with,but because you are Mexican you weren't good enough to hang out with/date?
You are better off without such a man in your life.
As for losing your virginity to him, it happens that a girl don't pick a decent guy for their first time, but it is what it is. And it doesn't make you any less of a person for picking a "bad apple" and for losing your virginity.
I think you did the right thing is cutting all contact. Forget about him and maybe next time.... Get to know the guy a lot longer before having sex.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your advice
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (18 July 2012):
 Well I can give you the point of view from the guy's side seeing as I was in this situation a few weeks back. Basically ended up sleeping with a girl who I spoke to a little bit, but wasn't very interested in and now things are awkward, I've seen her a few times since but not really spoke to her as I don't want to pursue anything with it and don't feel anything for her.
What you've done is good though, by deleting him you can't speak to him, just go about your life as normal, eventually the feelings will fade, not likely to go away, as nobody forgets their first time. But don't let it affect your work life, so just ignore him if you want but remain civil if you HAVE to speak to him.
But let this be a lesson that you need to get to know guys better before having sex with them, because some people out there will just lap it up without batting an eyelid and throw you aside like trash.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Angel S +, writes (18 July 2012):
 Hi,
I am also sorry that this happened to you but it is an experience and you now know better.
Would you like to confront him about unanswered questions or would you rather avoid him at all costs?
This may be hard working in the same workplace but its done now and there's nothing more you can do but move on from it. I would literally ignore him, if you did have to work with him just be civil, you do not owe him any kindness. He has done nothing but insult you and mess you around. Get on with your work and start having more fun with your friends, when he sees you happy and totally not interested in him then the atmosphere may be a little easier in the workplace.
Brush it off, it was an experience and you will learn from it. Don't let this put you off from dating though. I wish you all the best.
Xo xo
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 July 2012):
 Unfortunately, you've learned that the stereotype of guys bedding a girl, then dumping her, are extremely accurate...
Hope you have better times in the future.....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2012): Best advice....from knowing someone that this happened to (my wife). It hurt her for a long time, she thought that she was somehow "defective" because of what they guy did after they had sex.
Don't think it is you.
You are special, you are still special, and you want to remember that.
This guy, he's got major problems with his own sexuality and relationships if what he said to you has anything to do with what he really thinks about you.
Does that reflect on you? Not in the way that you might think.
However, it means you need to be very careful about picking guys to have physical relationships with, because you are picking the wrong guys.
Your virginity is not a big prize, make sure you realize that. What is a big prize is the personality and brain that you cultivate in yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you guys that's what I will do
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2012): I'm sorry you got hurt by this. But I think you did it to yourself more than anything else.
You slept with him expecting it to buy you some kind of relationship. Did he know he was making a deal like that? He only got the chance to use your body for sex because you were using it trying to get something from him too.
Of course he doesn't want to back off after he slept with you. When he barely knows you he gets free sex. Then if he wants to know you better, you punish him for it with no sex? That doesn't sound like such a great deal, does it? Why stick around with someone who treats you better for using them as a cheap fuck and then rewards you less for trying to get to know them?
I do not like his comment on you being Mexican. But that is what grownup casual sex can be like sometimes. People have casual flings with other people every day while knowing they dont want to be in a relationship with the other person. Sometimes they have casual sex without even being attracted to the other person. The guy's comment was hurtful but maybe he was just being more honest than most guys in his position would be. (Or maybe it was some other reason and he said the racial one because he thought it would be less hurtful than the real one. Only he knows his reasons.)
Everyone makes mistakes. The guy might really be a total jerk too, I don't know. But when I read your story I mostly hear mistakes you made to cause this. Forgive yourself, learn from it, and do better next time.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (18 July 2012):
I'm sorry that this happened to you, but please learn from it.
#1. Never date a coworker. Contrary to what the TV shows portray, it's never a good idea.
#2. Let a guy work before he gets to bed you. This guy was after sex, you gave it to him without a fuss, and that's it. He was never interested in more.
Next time, get to know someone first before you invite them into your bed because they will say anything if it means they can get into your pants. If you don't give them what they want they will show their true colours, which means they will stop seeing you or stick around because they truly like you.
As for how to handle this douche at work, be better than him. Don't insult him, don't trash talk him, just ignore him. If you have to do a task together, simply do what is required but don't give him any attention otherwise. If he asks what's wrong tell him you don't have time for people who use others.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (18 July 2012):
 Unfortunately, this sometimes happens when you don't get to know each other BEFORE having sex. The best advice for this problem is to realize this and that you should wait until you know a guy respects and cares about you. Sometimes that is not a guarantee either, but knowing more about someone before you have sex is helpful. I would encourage you to find someone you can date, get to know, and enjoy...and keep sex out of it for awhile.
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury +, writes (18 July 2012):
 This guy sounds awful!! He basically used you and then chucked you. Unfortunately this happens to people a lot :( It's horrible for you especially because you were a virgin before him!! This man was scum, he had no respect for you. :( Just forget him, hold your head high and show him you're better than him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2012): I'm going to be honest here. He was never into you in the first place. He obviously only wanted to get in your pants which means he's a total asshole.
No offence but you sound younger than the age you've posted. It's obviously going to be pretty tough to get over him seeing as he was the first guy you've slept with but i'm afraid it's partly your fault for being so naive.
The best thing you can do is ignore him and never, ever sleep with him again. Next time wait until you're in a real relationship before sleeping with a guy.
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