A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Agony Aunts, I am looking for some tips on how to build my self confidence. It's not an issue that is getting in the way of my life a huge amount, but it is making me more shy and reserved than I know I really am. It's certainly better than it was a year ago, but I'm not cured. I have noticed it more recently as my best friend, who is a guy, keeps making unintentionally hurtful remarks. You see, I'm not like most teenagers dressing in converse, leggings, skimpy tops etc and I'm not one for getting 'wasted' or being particularly loud at parties. Don't get me wrong I don't think I'm really weird or anything, but I know I'm not like the ''cool" people. I like to dress in clothes that I like that aren't the same as what everyone else is wearing and I'm perfectly content being a bit more reserved and hardworking, however my friend keeps commenting on "hot" girls that are like the above "cool" people. He is a genuinely kind person, and if even nice people like him think people like them are hot, who is ever going to like me? Please don't take this the wrong way, I DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE, I just want to be content with who I am without being worried that girls will think I'm weird and guys won't like me. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much, that does help a lot. However I already do drama and sing in a choir so my confidence isn't really lacking in a performance kind of way, but thank you for that suggestion anyway :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): Hi,
First let me applaud you for refusing to follow the "masses".
I think that confidence comes with times but also by getting involved in activities that push you out of your comfort zone. If you want to grow in confidence why not join a drama club, or a choir, or join a debating club? You could also get involved in volunteering in the field you're interested in. Anything that will involve you expressing yourself in front of people will be a great confidence boost.
Now, that's not all, you also need to try and surround yourself with positive and encouraging friends. Maybe you could talk to your male friend about how you'd like him to be more supportive, to stop comparing you to other people supposedly "cool". To me, you're as cool as you want to be, being yourself is cool. I actually hate it when people behave in such a way that they think they are a model to follow.
Your confidence will grow if you do what feels right for you, and that means dressing the way you want, having your opinion (shared by others or not), and most of all enjoying yourself doing what you love. I hope this helps. Good luck!
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