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male
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anonymous
writes: I am a 23 year old gay male. My best friend and I (since we were six) decided to become boy friends about 6 months ago after five years of relationships with others that never worked because we found we were looking for each other in our partners. We moved to a different town, I bought a house even though I had no reason to be in the new town except for him. I have a lot of money, and he has very little so I had to buy him a car to get around. I pay the majority of his bills including gas and his cell phone. We love each other very much. We had a bad break up about a week ago and he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore because I hurt him emotionally by constantly challenging him to be a better person. He doesn't want to stop living together, he has slept in the guest bedroom all week and insists that it is over between us. I keep mentioning that if it's truly over, perhaps he should move out let me have my car, my cell phone and the countless other creature comforts he enjoyed while being my BF. Is this wrong of me? He says that I am being selfish and mean and he would be out on the streets if I did all that and he wouldn't be able to go to work and he really makes me feel bad. I just dont know how I would cope with him bringing other guys home to my house, in my car etc etc. What should I do? He mentions that there is a possibility of us getting back together in the coming weeks if I can prove to him that I am worth him? I don't understand how to do that because I am very bitter at the whole situation. HELP! I don't want to be a jerk but I feel like with him here I cant move on. Any suggestions?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2005): When you gave the gifts, you did it because you loved him and wanted to take care of him--obviously. But to use your wealth against him is wrong, i.e. wanting to take back gifts. Andalso throwing it up to him what you've done for him. A gift is a gift, not something on loan out, or to be used against someone. I would definitely find out if there REALLY is a chance to get back together, seek out a cousellor or a third party to settle your differences. Please don't use material things to get in the way of your love. If you do that, you are just being manipulative. If he REALLY loves you, I doubt he would do anything to deliberately hurt you. He must still want to make a go of the relationship, after all you've been friends for years. Take to the time to talk about everything. Even if you just remain friends, that's better than losing a friend. I know there is pain on both sides, there usually is, and my heart goes out to you, truly. Try to keep a level head when discussing anything with him...you might be surprise at the results. It takes TWO to make or break a relationship. Not all men are dogs. I wish you well.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2005): Regardless of who earns more ,you should be paying bills equally or at least sharing repsonsibility equally.Does your partner have no self respect i mean how can he still be living off you and using stuff you pay for if it's over!! it doesn't make sense, don't let him emotionally blackmail you by letting him have those things, if he wants them then at least he can pay for it.But if you bought him things out of love - those he can have afterall that will be just nasty taking them away as you had a good relationship once and you don't want to ruin things completly especially if ther is a chance of getting back together.
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female
reader, caffeinequeen +, writes (31 October 2005):
It seems that you have a very beautiful love story with this guy.If I were you,I wouldn't let money ruin the love you share or the frienship you once had.If your boyfriend is truly serious about being with you and getting back together with you, then he will be an adult and accept the fact that you can't support him anymore.He shouldn't make you feel guilty about it. Give him some time to find a job,and get on his feet, give him a reasonable time frame for him to find a new place and a new job.Make sure you have a date by which he has to move out and give the car back.If he still wants you to feel guilty about it, then it means that he values your financial help more than your love and friendship. I wish you the very best.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2005): You can't take gifts back. Kick him out too!
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A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (31 October 2005):
 You gave him these gifts, they didnt have conditions when you gave them to him, so why should they now? You may regret giving them to him, but I dont think its a good idea to take them back. If you still want to be with him, you need to get this resentment out of your system. He obviously wasnt happy in the relationship and wants you to try harder to make him feel special and loved- probably like you used to. This may not be the case, but I am led to believe that you think money buys love- which isnt the case. Give him time, but if he does decide that he doesnt want to be with you, you have three choices- give him a time frame that he has to move out in, keep him there- but with the conditions that neither of you are to bring people home with you, or keep him there and try to get over him quickly by allowing him to bring others home. It sounds to me as though he does want to be with you, but wants you to stop taking him for granted- could this be right? You have to decide what you want first to be able to make the correct decisions. If you want him back you really need to show him how much he means to you. Best wishesx
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A
female
reader, MissMariah1984 +, writes (31 October 2005):
No man should ever tell you "we can get back together if you can prove to him you are with him." You know your own self worth and it should never be decided by another. This guy ended things with you and that was his decision and honestly it sounds like his loss. I can imagine that it is going to hard for you, but you have to tell him to get out and give you your stuff back. That is being neither mean or selfish...it's being rational. Don't let him tell you he will have to live on the streets, he made it before you were in his life and I am almost positive he can make it after. There is no way you will be able to move on and find someone else if he lives with you and you always have him in your face. You have to allow yourself to move on and by doing so you must tell him to move out and give you your stuff back. You don't have to mean or rude, just talk to him rationally and tell him, under the circumstances, you two cannot live together. Don't let him make you feel guilty, you are better than that and you are doing nothing wrong. Like I said, he will find a way to make it to work and a place to live. This is not YOUR responsibilty and don't let him tell you that I wish you the best xoxoxo Mariah
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A
female
reader, kirsty2hot +, writes (30 October 2005):
Well the car and ect is all out of your money so you have the right to take it, the other guy probably will not get back with you he is just telling you this because then you probably will stick around and he gets to keep his car ect.
The decisions yours but if i was you i would move out and take your stuff with you
Goodluck x
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