A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Hello, i need a little advice. Urrm where to start, so quite a few months back a new boy moved to my school, i had known him from being a baby, his family knew mine they are friends. So a few days before he moved i spoke to his mum on facebook and made sure he was okay and if he needed anything, she said i should add him and talk to him, so i did he said he was looking forward to it, and i told him if he needed anything to come find me so i gave him my number etc.. incase he got lost which he did a few times. After a while he told me he liked me and i got the impression he did anyway a few days before he told me and he asked me out, but i said no because i had just had a recent break up that very much hurt me, he wasn't to happy that i turned him down and kept begging me to go out with him, eventually i gave in and said i would give him a try. After a few weeks of givivng him a try i still wasn't that interested. Then one day when we was at school me and a group of my friends noticed one of my extreemly flirty friends was being flirty with him, i didnt say nothing, however when i got home i went on my friedns facebook as i had her password and saw some very flirty messages between both of them i didnt look at all i just scanned through them. They were things like "lets f**k" and lots of kisses and flirty faces and then my friend said something like "ooh rather not" again with lots of flirty faces and kisses. There were more. I then questioned my boyfriend (or whatever you could call him at that time) about it and he said he was messing around and joking because he was bored, i told him there was no pioint in him going out with me if he fancied my friend, but he continued to say he was messing and didnt feel nothing for her and that he loved me. Then the next day i also asked my firend she broke down in tears and said she was joking and she wasnt flirting, but i thought that as a friend if one of her friends boyfirends said that to her she would tell them to back off joking or not. Anyway it all blew over but it was still stuck in the back of my mind. So 2 months later me and the same friend was at my house we were meeting up with both of our boyfriends (the same ones and also my feelings for my boyfriend had grown an awful amount) when we met up with them and had gone home i turned on my laptop and she had left her facebook on i looked for them messages again because they were still getting to me, but this time i went all the way up to the top of the messages and saw that before they wern't putting kisses but he did say to her "wanna have sex yes or no" i asked him about it again and he again said he was joking i told him that you wouldn't joke like that and he then said he wanted to see if she was a true friend and would flirt with me.I dont know what to think so i said so can i do that and say im 'jokin' and he said no because he will get jealous, i did anyway and he did get jealous he ended it and then the next day was appolagetic and said he understood why i did it. Its still bothering me, i dont know what to doCan somone give me some advice on this sutuation please, thankyou
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facebook, flirt, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (2 December 2011):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou! and yes that is exactly why he did it to make him realise how i felt but before i did that he did admit he was in the wrong, and he said it was a silly mistake. He also gave me his facebook password
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 December 2011):
 Maybe it would help to talk to him, about your feelings and about the relationship and how you expect him to behave. No shouting, just getting everything clear.
Good luck - if he keeps acting like this though, dump him and dump her.
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A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (1 December 2011):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also didnt make clear that my feelings grew well before i found these messgaes
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A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (1 December 2011):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): I don't think either of you are ready to be in a relationship. There's more to life than getting even with each other you will have a better time going out with your girlfriends than getting hurt by the immaturity of your boyfriend x
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 December 2011):
Sorry, but you wasn't really interested from the start, and he probably felt rejected and unwanted. Your friend shows some interest in him, messing about, telling bad jokes, and off course he felt flattered, and so they joke about.Now your friend you see someone else wanting him, all of a sudden you change your mind, your feelings have changed and you want to play the jealous girlfriend.I don't think they were serious, I think they truly were messing. But maybe they do like each other and can't really say it, because they are in relationships and don't believe in cheating. Of course they was wrong, that's bad manners when your dating other people, to say such things, but if they had something to hide, you wouldn't see anything.But, I'm not sure you should be dating this guy, your no good for his self esteem and he has to get other women to make him feel like his sexy and wanted, because you are only "trying him out, because he kept begging". Someone is playing with your toy that you didn't want in the first place, and that's the only reason your upset.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Many a true word is spoken in jest.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 December 2011):
 In the future remember this, two wrongs NEVER make a right. You stooping to HIS level doesn't help you or make you a better or more desirable person. It makes you just as shitty as he is.
I think he wanted to go out with you at first because he was new and you had volunteered to help. He never loved you, he just used you.
I know you are all very young, and it shows. I think it would be a smart thing to start thinking before you act. Think about how YOU would like others to treat you and then treat them the same way.
This is what happens when you play grown up games without being grown up. No offense.
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A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (1 December 2011):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry If I made it in ear but I did take him back but it's still bothering me
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): You are quite young and I only say that because in life you will come across many, many situations where people "push your boundaries". I don't say "you are quite young" to dismiss your feelings - they are still important!The situation that you now face started with you having good intentions. The boy and the 'friend' in question may have started to behave in this way for 'innocent' reasons - ie. just having fun - although this is giving them the benefit of the doubt. However, there is no way that they were behaving innocently when they carried on after you told them both that it was upsetting you.The first time that you became suspicious, you yourself started to cross boundaries by looking in someone's facebook account. The second time you became suspicious you did it again.What has happened is that the two other people have lower moral standards than you and they have behaved badly. BUT in being caught up in a situation with them in which you care about them, YOU have started to behave immorally too. What started this was not you, but your 'boyfriend' and your 'friend', not you. BUT you have to be the one to stop it because they don't have the morals to. If you don't stop it, they will do other things and your own sense of self esteem and morality will gradually be erased the more that you become confused.In situations like this, where someone oversteps your boundaries you must reinforce them by absolutely clear communication about what you want. The other person can then either agree, disagree or negotiate with you for a compromise. Your 'friend' and 'boyfriend' are not doing any of the above, which are all acceptable outcomes. Instead, they are blurring all your boundaries and making you lose sense of your values, so that they eventually get to carry on and do what they want.You have given them their chance and they blew it, so now you must make clear to them that there are no more chances. The reason that you still feel that you cannot let this go is because you yourself have had your values slightly confused by these people and it hurts. For now, you might spend a little time longer feeling that way. But try to think ahead to the future and imagine a good space with people around you who treat you nicely.And DON'T resort to snooping, once you start to do things like that you are lowering your standards almost to their level - trust your instincts - you only snooped because you became suspicious. If in future you find that you feel suspicious of people, just back off - you don't have to wander around being suspicious of everyone and/or over-reacting if they treat you badly, but just stay calm, slow down and back away.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (1 December 2011):
 First things first. Despite him sending those messages to your friend there is no point in point scoring and trying to get back at him by doing the same thing, simply because it will make the trust in your relationship go rock bottom and then you will both always be suspicisous of what the other one is doing. In all honesty, i had a bunch of friends who were going out with eachother, yet they would all flirt with eachother and joke around on msn or facebook. It did the same to them aswell when there bf or gf found out they dumped eachother. He probably was in all honesty joking around, but despite it being a joke it still isn't acceptable to send those sort of meassages if you have a gf or bf. I think you too should talk, ask if you both can have a clean start and that you are sorry you went and got back at him. Tell him that you don't want him to send any flirtasious jokes to your friends as it upsets you even if it is a joke. Hopefully if he is mature enough you can both just put it behind you. x good luck
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