A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I stayed over my boyfriends the other night and he mentioned a girl's name in his sleep call her Barb. I didn't say anything to him in the morning and it's not the first time Barb's name come up. I was curious so when he was in the shower I went through his texts. Theres a bunch to Barb. All flirting calling her foxy and saying he bets she looks sexy and how they should cuddle some time. I'm bothered by it all and don't know how to ask him about it? She's from a different state and last time we talked about her she's from a different state and has a boyfriend, and thats why they couldn't be doing anything. I love him and want to trust him but what does that all mean? how do I approach him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): You now, being the one who is texted to in the same pattern, I'd say, there is not much for you to warry, unless you spoil it all in the first place.
I've met a man, about two years ago, in Holland, he was a bit drunk, sort of arrogant on my taste and was making his way too quick, so I easily turned him down. But he was brave enough to insisit on my giving him a cell number, so from then and on he texted me. At first I thought he was horrable and asked him to stop, and he disappeared for about a year.
Then I had a magic affair, which ended up in ruines. So when he all of a sudden texted me at 2 a.m., I swept my tears and had nothing against.
He has a woman around, he insists that he loves me (after seeing just once in life), I am not going to get together with him when go to Holland again - it just not what he is for in my life. And I'm sure that if I come there, after I leave for home he will get back to the life he is used to.
You don't know her motives for being in this mail-sms relation, and most likely she will not change her ways just because someone in another state dreams of her in his arms. Things happen, but she is more satisfied with her distanced posture than it might seem from their message flow.
Don't blow your social life because of a virtual romance, these work only on the screen. Real women are rather more pragmatic.
A
female
reader, bernergirl +, writes (14 March 2011):
 Sweetie I'm sorry you are going through this because I've been through it. He ended up cheating on me with her and she was out of state. So you need to talk to him about it and he needs to break all contact with her, and he needs to do it in front of you. And then I would talk this out with him. My rule for cheating is unless he would do it in front of you, then its shady behavior and should be considered cheating. (In other words, if he isn't technically doing something then he is thinking about doing something)good luck!
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A
female
reader, Amanda12345678910  +, writes (14 March 2011):
just sit him down and ask him out straight if he has done anything or is falling for this girl, if he gets annoyed then the most common answer is yes if he seems cool and reassures you, he's a good man and most probably worth keeping. Your the only one who knows whether you want to try with him and love him. goood luck gorgeous xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): Ugh this guy is a LOSER. Has absolutely no respect for you. What do you love about him so much? I mean he is trying to cheat on you with Barb. What's to love?
And you talk of trust? Do you even know what it means to be able to trust someone? This guy can't be trusted as far as you can throw him.
You could continue justifying his actions by telling yourself it is not so bad since Barb lives in a different state or you could face reality and acknowledge this guy is totally playing you.
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A
female
reader, mollusc +, writes (14 March 2011):
 Just confront him? Ask him who Barb is, how he knows her and if he's ever had anything with her. When he asks why you're asking, tell him about the texts and about how he talks about her in his sleep? If he's cheating he's not worth it.
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A
female
reader, FoX15 +, writes (14 March 2011):
I think you should ask him about it, especially since he's saying her name in his sleep. I would just mention that he was talking about her in his sleep and ask about her. I don't know how you could ask about the texts without admitting you went through his texts, but I think its a problem and it should be addressed.
From personal experience, I've been texted by a guy who had a girlfriend, even while he knew I had a boyfriend. Nothing is really going to stop him if he's attracted to her. You saw the evidence. If you really love him and think he's worth it, then you need to talk about his friendship with Barb and work it out. At this point you're both keeping something from each other and in order to continue on with a healthy relationship you need to be honest with each other.
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