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female
,
anonymous
writes: dont know what to do about my dad?i was recently browsing on the computer when i came across a folder of my dads which i opened. it contained many poronographic images and then many images of himself. ifeel disguisted at this and i dont know how to feel about it. i cant confront him about it and i cant tell my mum. i dont know how to feel anymore and ido not know what to do.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (3 September 2005):
I would adree with becky5 that you should quietly go to your dad and tell him that you found stuff of his on the computer that upset you and say that you are angry with him for making it so easily accesible. Say you hope you aren't scarred for life! he will be embarrased and rightly so!
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (5 August 2005):
 This is a difficult one as not only are you trying to think what to do (if anything at all) you are also trying to come to terms with discovering such material and having to accept that your father has sexual feelings that obviously spill over into pornography. I understand you feeling disgusted, he is your dad after all and I bet you wish now you hadn't found that folder on the computer. He should have saved it better and perhaps you shouldn't have looked but it's too late now. Dealing with the problem is what is important.
There is a chance that your mum already knows but there is also obviously a chance that she doesn't. It isn't up to you to inform her as this is to do with their relationship.
Many adults do view pornography as they use it as a stimulant but I'm sure you are already aware of this.
If the pornography was child pornography, then you would need to do something about it as that is illegal but if it was sexual images of the adult kind, you have the option to do nothing if you wish.
You have two choices available to you. You could say and do nothing and accept the fact that your father has a healthy sex drive and that it is up to him if he wishes to view pornography. Your mum may not know but then you don't know or want to know what goes on behind their closed bedroom door. You would have to put it to the back of your mind and endeavour to continue as normal despite what you know; it is after all his private life.
The other option is to tell your dad that he ought to keep his private files private but then you would have to realise that this would very much embarrass him as well as you.
Im sorry you have found this folder, I understand how you feel but you need to know that people have different ways of dealing with their sexual urges and even though you feel disgusted because it is your dad, it isn't necessarily disgusting as a whole.
I think it would be wise to put the episode behind you and try your very best to forget what you saw. Your dad is still your dad and hopefully, your mum and dad are happy together.
Keep smiling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2005): your dad is an adult and it is really none of your business. dont go looking in you dads stuff anymore and try to put it out of your mind
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A
female
reader, starrybutterfly +, writes (5 August 2005):
You have every right to be disgusted-everybody likes to think the only time there parents did anything sexual was to conceive them, and that's it.
However difficult, you should talk to either one of your parents about it-whichever one you feel closest to. If it's too hard face to face, write them a letter-even just show them this one. It'll be better out in the open.
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A
male
reader, pdude +, writes (5 August 2005):
Hey Common... Browsing Porn. on the computer is not a big deal these days. Most people do it once in a while. I have seen lots of middle aged guys with children browsing through those sites in internet cafes. Of course, for you it might be shocking at first but i don't think it's a serious issue to worry about.
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A
reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (5 August 2005):
You should tell your mum.
If those pictures are of minors you should tell the police.
Anyway, what you doing in HIS folder?
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A
reader, becky05 +, writes (5 August 2005):
First of all, perhaps your mum already knows. If she doesnt then i dont believe that its your place to tell her.
Your dad hasnt really done anything wrong except, perhaps not being careful enough hiding his computer activities from you.
I would say to him that you have found some things on the computer of his that shocked you (you dont have to say what it is - hell know!) and youd prefer if he didnt make them so easily found in future. He'll be more embarrassed that you.
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