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female
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anonymous
writes: I can't help feeling like I have to snoop on my bf. We broke up before when I found out that he was texting his ex and when I asked him about it he lied...we had another break up when he was texting some girl all nite when he told me he had no credit...he denyed that he knows her and said that he never text her but I saw the texts to her number! And now he's been texting another ex...he says that they are just friends but then why doesn't he tell me about them. He is totally secretive when it comes to his mobile phone and doesn't even go to the loo without it! When I ask him about that he says that his phone is his personal business...he says he loves me but I can't help but think that he texts other people...Will I ever be able to trust a guy like this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): Listen everyone the advise has been great but things escalated last Friday and i never want to hear from him again...I am totally devasted but feel like a fool for staying with him for so long...its nothing to do with his ex's or other girls but he has pushed me over the line for one last time...I thank you all for all of your advise...this is the hardest part-breaking away-and i am falling to pieces as we have been through a few emotional lumps and bumps (unexpected pregnancy, we came to terms with it and then a miscarriage) and now I've had a second and he hasn't even tried to support me one bit...I am just afriad that I will try and contact him or take him back like I have always done...what a fool i've been!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): Hey all thanks for your answers...this guy has completely ruined my esteem and turned me into a suspicious paranoid girlfriend...turns out I got some bad news which I don't wanna mention here and when I told him I needed to talk and I needed him to be there he wasn't, now he is totally cringing with the guilt and good enough for him, he hasn't even tried to make any contact with me so I have decided that you are all right, I give up and I do not trust him on top of all of that! Funnily enough I haven't really opened up to anyone on this matter...a friend has just come out of a 5 year relationship of which 3 years he was seeing somebody else...all of his behaviour mirrors the behaviour of my boyfriend and she was having all the same feelings as I was! Totally crazy cause although I don't think he was actually having another relationship behind my back I know that he hasn't been completely faithful...I am totally devastated by all of this and haven't stopped crying but I nkow that I can't go back ot him once more...he has worn out his last chances...I'm just afraid that I will be tempted to contact him or go back to him like I have before...I just wish I had pure hard evidence so that I would totally have closure...what can I do to? I am totally devasted, feeling empty and dunno how I am gonna make myself finally move on!? How do I get closure?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): Hey all thanks for your answers...this guy has completely ruined my esteem and turned me into a suspicious paranoid girlfriend...turns out I got some bad news which I don't wanna mention here and when I told him I needed to talk and I needed him to be there he wasn't, now he is totally cringing with the guilt and good enough for him, he hasn't even tried to make any contact with me so I have decided that you are all right, I give up and I do not trust him on top of all of that! Funnily enough I haven't really opened up to anyone on this matter...a friend has just come out of a 5 year relationship of which 3 years he was seeing somebody else...all of his behaviour mirrors the behaviour of my boyfriend and she was having all the same feelings as I was! Totally crazy cause although I don't think he was actually having another relationship behind my back I know that he hasn't been completely faithful...I am totally devastated by all of this and haven't stopped crying but I nkow that I can't go back ot him once more...he has worn out his last chances...I'm just afraid that I will be tempted to contact him or go back to him like I have before...I just wish I had pure hard evidence so that I would totally have closure...what can I do to? I am totally devastated, feeling empty and dunno how I am gonna make myself finally move on!? How do I get closure?
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male
reader, Honest +, writes (5 May 2006):
If he's lied to you, he's either hiding something, or your being over persessive. Chances are if your over persessive, he'll lie to you just to get you off his back!
However he lied to you about his credit and text another girl all night....drop him and be done with it.
Honest
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2006): I was in a relationship with a guy like this. He accused me of being possessive and jealous and said there was sonething wrong with me. You're prepared to give him 100% he isn't. You've ended it before and he still continues. Sit him down tell him its got to stop or its over for good.If he values your relationship then he will stop.It's going to be difficult I know, but in the long term he'll ruin your self esteem if you continue to put up with it.
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A
female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (5 May 2006):
 Staying in contact with ex girlfriends is questionable. Being secretive is totally unacceptable. I had that problem once and I knew he was discussing me with them, as well as issues in his life. It is an emotional betrayal. When you look around at mature relationships such as those of your parents and others, do they call ex partners for advice or chats? No. The reason is that they are comitted, and rely on themselves and each other to address issues and for emotional intimacy. It is not appropriate to use other people's shoulders then. I think your chap may be a player of a modest sort and that he bolsters his ego by feeling needed and important for others. This is a kind of vanity. I would not put up with it or the lying. It is undermining you and making you feel like a snoop. You are not one, your intuition is telling you that this is not right.
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A
female
reader, Blooregard +, writes (4 May 2006):
The fact that he feels the need to lie proves that something is amis, however, I am not taking sides by any means, but have you made him feel like he has to lie? Texting someone of the opposite sex is not classed as cheated, yet he lies about it...talk to him, tell him you are not being paranoid you have simly seen his phone, he will have no choice but to confess then.
Very best of luck
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A
female
reader, Sis6372 +, writes (4 May 2006):
GET OUT! get out of the relationship, he's not being faithful whether he's building an emotional of physical relationship with a diferent girl, it will all hurt the same. If you have to snoop you shouldn't be together, trust me I learned this one from experience. GOOD LUCK!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2006): trust me, from personal experience, it seems like he's up to no good. unfortunately, i've been there, done that, and been in his place before. and usually, if he's got nothing to hide, he'd show you his phone. granted, he is right when he says that it is his personal business, and you really don't have any right to be going through it. but since it seems to have gotten to this extent, he should just show you to make you feel better. and the fact that he won't most likely means that he's got something to hide from you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2006): If he has to take his phone to the loo, then I'm sorry to say he has something BIG to hide. Confront him and tell him if he has nothing to hide he wont mind showing you hiss text messages from her. That should get to the bottom of it.
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female
reader, Scrummy bum! +, writes (4 May 2006):
 you have for to mention how you know he texting other girls and his ex's!! i will try and help if you answer this. x x
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