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female
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anonymous
writes:I have been with my mate for 13 years, in October I found out he was cheating on me. (he was not the one told me) I confronted him and made him choose. He chose her! Since then,we talk maybe once a week, and he says he is sorry and that he did not want to hurt me. He tells me over and over that he does still love me, but he needs time! I have thought ALOT about this, and I have made the decision that I want him back. YES REALLY :) What should I do? Call him all the time? leave him be, not call and see if he returns....(in the meantime I am NOT sitting at home either) I thought there might be someone out there who has been through this and can give me some advice on how handle this while he is with this other chick, and how to 'Lure" him back....Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): Well I will tell you the one and only way which works everytime and it is the ONLY way to get him back but I have a feeling that you are not going to be able to follow through with it. I am not sure you have enough will power.
But I'll tell you anyway. Well I have been dumped by guys before and each and every single time they have always regretted it and come back to me. Of course I have NEVER taken a guy back who dumped me. NEVER. That's the ultimate blow to my ego. Anyway, the only way you can get him back is by avoiding him altogether. Like completely cut all contact with him so that he thinks you fell off the face of the planet. Don't go to the same places you know you might run into him at. Don't talk about him to mutual friends. Just like disappear and have absolutely no contact with him. And if he calls you, just act real happy, don't ask question, just act like you are handling yourself just fine. Don't ever show him that you are upset by this. Just BE STRONG. Even if you have to fight back the tears or fight back the urge to ask him a question. Then FIGHT IT. But it is important that he knows nothing about you and that if he happens to contact you, act like you are HAPPY and busy. And keep it SHORT.
If you do these simple two things, he is going to start wondering about you sooner or later. He is going to regret it. Cause when he sees that you "don't care" that is when he is going to have a change of heart about you. And listen to Gloria Gaynor's song "I will survive." Its corny but its true. It happens to everyone. The only difference is that some of us act completely pathetically when we are dumped and others of us act with total dignity. So try to handle this with dignity. Don't contact him. NOTHING. I think you will be fine. And cry all you want and all you need to just as long as he never sees you or knows that you cry, then its fine.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): MOVE ON GALFRIEND!if he did it once, he will do it again n again. I agree with the person who says he is not worth you! I know it is hard, i have had to deal with those difficult times too but believe me its better now than later. plus he might not be cheating on his current girlfriend with you alone, i can bet he has other gals too! Move on!!!
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reader, Cateyes +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Right now...he knows he can come back to you...he knows that you are there "waiting" for him, whether your at home or not. If he cheated and chose to run off with her, and then still tells you he loves you while with her....he is keeping you on the side lines to see if it doesn't work out with her, he will be able to come back to you with open arms. This is far to common in those who cheat on their spouse. I am sure you love him with all your heart, but if he moved on to other pasture's...this should make you think twice before getting back with him. Will you be able to trust him again? Will you always be suspicious of him being out or at the store or anywhere? Will you always call him on his cell to find out what time he will be home? Will you get over the obsession? You already have it by the sounds by you just wanting to call him right now....STOP! If it was me, and he called me and told me that...I would be telling him that's nice...but, I've moved on....and then I'd hang up. You may say easier said then done...your right...it's hard. BUT..I will have no one walk over me, dis-respect me and make a fool out of me. But that is just me. I'm to old and I've heard and been in "those" games that many love to play...and I don't like to play them. There mind games...and there the worst to hurt a person.
Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): If you keep calling him, he won't come back to you. If he knows you're still crazy about him and will continue to wait for him to become available, he won't have any pressure put on him to go to you. You have to tell him you're moving on and act like it's not a big deal. He'll think he's losing you, and it may push him to try to get you back.
Hope this helps.
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reader, missmel34  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Now, I'm going to cut to the chase with this one.See, I've been with a man who cheated on me. I think what is happening with you is a very natural reaction. This man has rejected you. He chose the other woman over you. So effectively in your subconscious mind, by winning him back you are showing not only yourself, but him and the other woman that you are worthy.The fact is, I know it feels like rejection. And he can ring you, and sweet talk you as much as he likes. But what he did to you was unforgivable! Being married is a commitment, a commitment built around trust. He lied to you and broke that trust. He kissed this woman, loved her, touched her, adored her.......BETRAYED you. And if that wasn't enough, he left you for her. Think of them in bed together, him making love to her. Think of him justifying his betrayal to her by denegrating you, telling her that you pushed him away, neglected him.The fact is, you can do everything in your power to prove to the world you are worthy, but the reality is, HE IS UNWORTHY OF YOU! You are trustworthy, loving, honest, commited. He is the one that couldn't see just how special you are, it is HIS problem not yours. It is statistically proven, that once a man strays, he always will have that tendency. That other woman will eventually feel the pain you have felt. It might not happen immediately, but it will happen.The greatest thing you can do, to prove to yourself you are worthy, is pick yourself up, get back on your bike and move forward. You can never go back, never. You will never be able to trust this man again. And deep down, the self respect you will lose in yourself by trying to capture this man back into your life will eat you away. I remember feeling that no other man will ever love me. My ex husband had made me feel so unattractive and unlovable, somewhere deep down I believed that he was the only man on earth I deserved.Fundamently, I don't believe you see yourself of being worthy of a true and honest relationship. This man has left you a shell of who you once were. And that quite frankly is a so sad. You are beautiful, you are sexy, you are a woman who is desirable to a man. The more time you spend throwing yourself back into this turmoil, thats more time your wasting being with the man that will truly honour you. Remember that word......honour, before you can expect any man to honour you, you have to honour yourself.I want to share with you a moment I had about 2 years after my husband and I broke up. I was in the city, and we accidently bumped into each other. He was alone, slightly overweight. I on the other hand was trim taught and terrific. I was wearing a very sexy black dress and stilettos, and holding MY hand was my new boyfriend, who happened to be a triathlete Ironman. I think you get the picture.Cut the ties.Go to the hairdresser and get a new look and move on sweetie.Every woman who has been in your shoes is cheering you on.My prayers are with you.Good Luck
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reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Hi - well I do understand what you're saying but you really do need to think this through more. You should ask yourself why did he start cheating in the first place?
If you succeed in "luring" him back it will probably be because she loses him, rather than you luring him.
How do you think you will behave around him if you do feel you have succeeded in winning him back.? Will you be so frightened not to do anything wrong in case he goes again?
If you are to retain any dignity then don't call him, don't text. If he calls, be a little cool, and give the impression you are moving on. If he's interested he'll come after you. If not, you are no worse off than you are now. And don't call him all the time, that's just desperate.
Good luck - Richard
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reader, AskEve +, writes (4 December 2007):
 As long as he's still with this other woman then you should have some respect for yourself and tell him you DON'T want to be with him until she's history! AND STICK BY THAT! If you don't he'll continue to see you on the side and continue to have his cake and eat it. You say he says "He does love you but he needs time..." Tell him to take all the time he needs but meanwhile YOU are out of bounds. I know this will be difficult for you to do but you'll gain far more respect from him in the longrun.
If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were...
Eve
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