A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI need your help, I love my boyfriend to bits, I would do anything for him. Last year I flirted with a guy I knew, my boyfriend is ok with me flirting, but I let him touch my breasts and I rubbed him. I NEVER kissed him or had sexual intercourse with him. Is this classed still as cheating?
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female
reader, Contagisblondnes  +, writes (16 February 2007):
Was it cheating? Yes, and no. I just found out that my boyfriend was spending time with another woman, that they went out on dates, were incredibly flirtatious, and kissed. And yes, I classify that as cheating.
Why? Well, from my personal view, I believe that the worst sort of cheating is emotional cheating. You can't really tell if you, or he, has done it or not - it is feeling emotions for someone else, moreso than just flirtation.
The thing about relationships, is that if you ask someone, "What's more important, love or sex?" they will almost always tell you, "Love."
And so I'd be able to more willing to accept a drunken hook-up or a little venting of sexual frustration than I can any sort of emotional attachment to someone else. I'm not going to say that I can accept it, but I'd be more willing to.
While I classify what you did as cheating, consider it the lesser of two evils. You did some touching, which technically is off-limits to those other than your boyfriend, if you're in a closed (as in not-open) relationship. But at the same time, you love your boyfriend - you said it yourself - and you never kissed. While what you did was wrong, hopefully when you tell your boyfriend what happened (which you NEED to do, whether he accepts it or not) you can explain that while you were a little sexually frustrated, the more important option, out of love and sex, is love.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): This level of disrespect young lady is CHEATING(ON YOUR BOYFRIEND, AND ON YOURSELF).
"Learn to Live, & don't Live to Learn."
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (15 February 2007):
 Put the shoe on the other foot. Your boyfriend was away for a week with his work. He was lonely one night and this woman came over. They didn't kiss but he fondled her breasts and she rubbed his penis. No sex or kissing involved! But he liked the feeling it gave him, after all you weren't there and he was missing you...
Would YOU be happy? If I were your boyfriend and you did that when I was away.... I'm afraid you would be my ex by now! YES... IT'S VERY MUCH CHEATNG!
Eve
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A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (14 February 2007):
 Actually, I wanted to clarify something. This kind of behaviour isn't acceptable in ANY kind of relationship, loving or on the brink of breaking-up. Even if you aren't happy in your relationship, you don't cheat on someone! You break up with them, then pursue someone else or let them touch your breasts. You do not hurt someone like that.
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A
female
reader, hannieseds +, writes (14 February 2007):
Yup, I completely agree with Eddie here - I am taken aback by the other answers too! You are not single, so this kind of behaviour is NOT acceptable when you are in a loving relationship!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (14 February 2007):
 I'm absolutely stunned at some of the answers to your question. You are in a relationship? I know it's not an open relationship or else you wouldn't be asking this question. So I'll answer as if it's a traditional type relationship....
Your question...Is it OK to let a man rub my breasts and, is it Ok for me to rub his penis? What kind of question is this? I'll bet you didn't ask your boyfriend. I'll also bet you didn't ask him because you KNOW it's crossing the line.
So the new rules for manogamy are this, it's OK to stroke a penis or breasts with your hand but not a tongue. It's OK to rub on someone but not IN someone. As far as forgiveness, if it's OK there's nothing to forgive. The fact that foregiveness is needed should be an indication it's wrong.
99% of the people in this world do not want there mate getting his or her rocks off with another person. We don't usually handle that very well. Is it Ok to go out to dinner, a movie and then rub him on the way home? Is it Ok to go away for the weekend and let him rub your breasts? I think yo know the answer. It's all OK, if you're single.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies.
my boyfriend was away for a month and I missed the special feeling he gave me. This man just made me feel special for the time being, I never wanted it to go any where but I enjoyed the attention I admit that what woman wouldnt.
It has never happened since and never will again. I know that because my heart belongs with the man I am with. He loves me so much and I love him so much too.
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A
female
reader, melschatbox +, writes (14 February 2007):
 It's not that you were able to do this with another guy that bothers me...it's the underlying reason as to why you felt the need to ??? Sounds like you should do some soul searching...
It's not cheating.....but it's certainly questionable behavior. Could lead to trust issues.
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A
female
reader, hannieseds +, writes (14 February 2007):
Hi there,
CD206 is right, we are not the ones to tell you, you have to work it out for yourself. All we can do is give you our opinions.
My opinion - you cheated. Flirting and sexually touching anyone else is cheating, it doesn't matter if you kissed/had sex or not. You let him touch you intimately and you touched someone else in the same way. Not good! Why did you do it by the way?
It happened last year, have you suddenly started feeling guilty? If you are, then you know in yourself you did a bad thing, i.e. cheated. Can you honestly say you won't let it happen again? How would you feel if your boyfriend intimately touched and let another girl touch him without kissing or sex?
Ask yourself these questions and you will find your answers. xxx
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A
female
reader, CarrieMagdelene +, writes (14 February 2007):
 To me, I don't think so. My boyfriend and I have TOTALLY different opinions on the matter. He thinks it is anything more than casually talking; no flirting, kissing, etc. To me, as long as your heart is true to your boyfriend/hubby, and you love him with all that you are, and you aren't having oral/vaginal/anal sexual intercourse with whomever (no risky behavior that could put your man/woman's health at risk).
I abstain from any of that mentioned above because my man prefers it.
Still, this is not classed as cheating to me. Not if you love your boyfriend more than your liked that little heavy-petting session.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (14 February 2007):
 That's not really for us to say. It's for you to say. As far as I'm concerned I could forgive one kiss but nothing more than that but other people can forgive a lot more or less than that! If it only happened once and there's no chance of your boyfriend finding out I suggest not telling him. There's no point in hurting him unnecessarily.
CD
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