| A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I find my bloke an irritating little nerd! Honestly, we are getting married in 8 weeks time and he gets on my nerves. He picks at my son (aged 15). States all the jobs he is 'going to do' and nothing gets done. He works shifts and sometimes we don't see each other for a couple of days. He seems more interest in what the neighbours and his ex are doing than what we are getting on with.I thought i loved him to pieces but Christmas was rubbish. I tolerated his parents along with my mam (aged 90) This is my third relationship and i feel it is a non-starter. I know what you are all going to say but (how silly??) I just need to hear it from someone else. Please put into words what i need to hear.
View related questions:
christmas, his ex, neighbour Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 You need to halt this wedding and start to look after you and your son. If you marry how long will it be before you divorce? And lets face it a divorce costs money and it costs emotional heart ache as well.
If he picks at your son and it is unwarranted or unjustified (remember teenagers are frightfully horrid creatures at times, so it MAY be there is some raeson for it!!)...there is reason number one and i would suggest the strongest reason for binning him.
He is 'living in the future', never in the present....'I'll do this, I'll do that!!' and it never materialises....reason number two....unless of course you can deal with things being promised never coming to fruition.
You say you tolerated Christmas? I think this says more about you than him. Did everyone else appear to have a good time and you where the only one disappointed by it? If so that sort of tells me something is up in your psyche and you wouldn't be happy regardless of who you where with.
You also mention that this is your third relationship. I have to ask is this really relevant? But if you mention it, it is obviously relevant to you.....is that why you stay with him? Because you feel that to let this relationship 'fail' would make you some sort of failure at life?
I think you need to communicate with this guy and try to rediscover what it was that made you fall for him in the first place....after all have you ever actually loved him, or was it convienience that brought you together.
Please, think long and hard before committing to this man.
Good luck.
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): You think its bad now, what makes you think it is going to get any better later....I married a man with all the ambition in the world...guess who now cleans out the rain gutter, does all the laundry, fetches anything that needs fetching medication, food, his grandkids, we have a tree service (no he does NO manual labor) I pick up chain saws, oild, go to the wrecking yard when we need parts, all the time what are we having for dinner? goota go to the store. What is Mr. exciting doing watching the f---ing game, I am doing at least 3 things at once, not him. He has the ??&^%% to tell people "Oh she is so busy all the time she just loves doing what she does". No this is not it, if I dont do it, it does not get done. My house is a filthy mess, as I type this my hair is standing on end, I am dirty from cleaning the garage, pulling weeds right now. What is he doing you see what time I am emailing this, he's in bed...
...............................
A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Bit concerned that you are getting married to someone who feel is a nerd. If you do not love him, leave him.
You must have knowned the guy long enough to fall in love with him at some point. Something went wrong obviously.
If these querks are new and you do not want them, you need to terminate relationship.
If his behaviour is the same as from the begining then it comes as a package and you should not expect him to change.
But if you still love him, then talk to him. Sounds to me you may not be that compatible.
Your decision.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Well it's safe to say you're not thinking positively. You'd better talk to the nerd and see what he thinks. He mught have a name of two for you. One might start with a B. Your attitude sucks. Get a new strategy.
...............................
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Hi Anon,
You really shouldn't go into a marriage with all sorts of problems. These aren't the typical sort of everyday relationship problems, either. How dare *he* pick at *your* son?? The nerve! He could at least talk to you about whatever he thinks needs to be said. Afterall, *you* are your son's mother.
About the work schedule - there's not much you can do about that, but after not seeing you for a few days and the fact that he's still more interested in what other people are doing is a little - um - strange, in my opinion. Why would he care about that when he hasn't seen for for days? Wouldn't he want to see what's going on with you? Or maybe make some fun plans for the both of you?
And in my personal experience, the last time I felt that a relationship was a non-starter and/or I felt like my partner was an "irritating little nerd," I either got rid of him or had a loooooooong heart to heart discussion about what the heck was going on in our relationship and how we needed to work together to get it back on track.
Don't get married - you're not happy. At all.
Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Call the wedding off.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): Please don't do it. what will you achieve. There is no point and as the other aunts have pointed out you really are not getting any younger. Don't take this the wrong way because you can meet someone else and have a fantastic time but if he is annoying now then he will get worse. Have a chat with him and tell him exactly how you feel. If he thinks anything of you he may be willing to change or put some things back on track. I'm not to happy to read that he picks at your son, not good. Get rid.
Take care
xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): Please don't do it. what will you achieve. There is no point and as the other aunts have pointed out you really are not getting any younger. Don't take this the wrong way because you can meet someone else and have a fantastic time but if he is annoying now then he will get worse. Have a chat with him and tell him exactly how you feel. If he thinks anything of you he may be willing to change or put some things back on track. I'm not to happy to read that he picks at your son, not good. Get rid.
Take care
xx
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (17 January 2007):
 If your relationship is a non-starter, why the hell are you getting married?! This is a recipe for disaster and divorce. I think you know that it's time to call off the wedding and just want to hear it from someone else. Get out now while you still can, not when he's taking all your stuff in a divorce settlement.
...............................
A
female
reader, melschatbox +, writes (17 January 2007):
 If you feel this way now...it will only get worse. I've been married 6 years. My husband royally gets on my nerves also. I think if they are doing enough of the positives then you don't tend to focus on the negatives. But, I will tell you these feelings of aggravation or disgust won't just go away. Find a man that fulfills everything you are looking for or at least is better suited. And, remember don't play the blame game. He'll be perfect for someone else. Best Wishes...
...............................
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Sounds like a romance made in heaven. LOL.
Seriously, I think it's time to rethink the marriage deal. You're not getting any younger, but you don't want to spend any time in a marriage where you don't respect each other.
Move on, before it's too late.
...............................
|
