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male
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*ackBauer
writes: I finally got my life on the right track and have had a steady and stable girlfriend for the last 2.5 months. I think she is the one. However, she is still in contact with her ex-boyfriend, who also happens to be her mechanic and is one of her good friends.Should I be mad at my girlfriend for going to the movies with her ex-boyfriend?? I never associate with ex's after the fact. It's kind of an insult to me. She doesn't see anything wrong with it, and assures me that there's nothing to worry about. And I do trust her alot, she's been up front this whole relationship.
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male
reader, JackBauer +, writes (15 March 2007):
JackBauer is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your help, I did talk to her about it. The reason she was all nice with him was because he gave her a great discount on her car, over $150, I saw the bills myself. And she told me, besides yesterday, to pick up her car, and last week (dropping off her car and then movies) she hasn't talked to him in months. Plus I found out they've known each other for almost 10 years, so they were friends and tried the relationship thing and just stayed friends.But she told me not too worry and reassured me I'm the one for her, and we're actually thinking of getting our own apartment, and planning for down the road. I guess just due to my past insecurities, with women cheating on me, the movie thing just set all the bells and whistles off. Thanks again for the help,
A
female
reader, elsie  +, writes (14 March 2007):
 while there's nothing wrong with being friendly to an ex things can go too far.they are called EX for a reason.you wouldn't want to go to the pictures with an ex friend so why go with an ex lover?the way i look at it is in the past you have slept with that person and shared intimacy sois it any wonder that you don't feel comfortable.no wonder.it's very easy for your girl to be blase about all of this.so easy when you are the one doing it.sit her down and tell her to imagine you taking your ex to the pictures.just because she's being honest it doesn't make it right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2007): I'm with Carina and Star* on this one. I am great friends with my first girlfriend and we broke up over 4 years ago now.
I can understand if I had a girlfriend and she was worried about this, however my ex is just a friend and my girlfriend would always come first and I'd make sure she knew that.
Your girlfriend should reassure you to make you know that you are more important to her, but on the other hand you need to accept you've only been dating a couple of months and have no real right to be "insulted" that she is friends with an ex - why should she be completely commited to you so quickly? She is the kind of person who is mature enough to be able to establish friendship after a relationship - that is a character strength, not a weakness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2007): I think the ex should be well and truly dumped! Trust isn't an issue here, so i cannot understand how that is mentioned. She could keep in contact with him but not to the extent of going out with him, for goodness sake what next? All exs move in together and live happy ever after. No - have a good chat with her and if this relationship is to go any further then the ex has to be pushed slowly (well, in my case, i would want it to be quickly) into the background, where they should be.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, star* +, writes (14 March 2007):
i have to agree with Carina and not the others. i mean, why shouldnt she be friends with her ex? dont fret about it..the more you pressure her and nag her the more she's likey to confide in him if theyre good friends. show her you trust her and just relax about it.....and just remember if hes her ex then they broke up for a reason, so more than likely shes not gonna go back there.
xXx
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A
female
reader, Bella55  +, writes (14 March 2007):
She should respect that fact that you dont want her to see her exes. I wouldnt be happy at all if my boyfriend was let alone talking to his ex-girlfriends. I would put my foot down, and she has to respect you in this. Wouls she like it if you were dating your ex girlffriend? I doubt it. Do unto others what you would like to be done to you. Tell her thats you are not prepared to share her with any other man. Shes practically dating him, if theyre going to the movies together. My opinion its wrong!!
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female
reader, Bailey J +, writes (14 March 2007):
 Hello, my name is Bailey. I don’t think your wrong in worrying about your girlfriend going to the movies with her ex-boyfriend. That is completely out of order. When you break up with someone your supposed to move on, you cant ever be friends with an ex because theres always something there. I think you should speak to her and make her aware that you don’t want her to go to the pictures with her old boyfriend or spend alone time with him.Tell her that it makes you unhappy. If you talk I’m sure you will come to some understanding. Take Care x
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A
female
reader, Carina +, writes (14 March 2007):
 I think you should trust her. A good relationship has to be built on trust It depends how serious her relationship was with him. If it was a longterm serious thing then you have a right to be concerned, but if it ended after a short time, then I don't think you need to be too worried. As you say, she's been very straightforward with you so far. A lot of people do remain friends with their ex boyfriends or girlfriends. However, I think she needs to know that you find the situation uncomfortable and would rather she didn't go out with him just the two of them. Seeing him as her mechanic or going out with a few friends is one thing, but going to the cinema as a twosome isn't fair on you. If she cares about you I'm sure she'll understand. Have a calm talk to her about it and explain that although you trust her it makes you feel bad. Good luck!
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