A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf is out of town for a couple months for a job. I'm working and going to school in a town where I really only know people I've met through him. Lately I've been spending time out and about with one of his friends here in town that I think is a fun person to know. I'm trying so hard to keep it a friendship though, and I do value the friendship, but I think he's hitting on me. I've always been clueless as to what flirting is. If my bf were here, I would have no reservations letting him know my suspicion, as I have done so in the past with others. He can be kind of possessive-in a normal, healthy male kind of way. Since he's so far away though, I really don't want to tell him over Skype or the phone. But that's not really my question..my question is-is it bad that I kind of enjoy the attention? I love my bf and the relationship we have and I don't want to jeopardize it. But the fact that I have the THOUGHT to even wonder what hooking up with this guy would be like? I feel guilty for even thinking it. I'd hate to just suddenly start ignoring this guy if he calls, but is that what it will come to? Does this mean I'm losing my feelings for my bf? On the one hand it's exiting and on the other I feel like total trash.
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male
reader, anonymus2012  +, writes (13 July 2012):
what you are doing is totally wrong. what would your boyfriend think if you tell him the way you feel? or even better, would you like if your boyfriend behaves the same way that you do? i dont think so. maybe you are sending the wrong signals to your friends BF, otherwise if he has clear that you are off the market he shouldnt be calling you.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Yes. I was flattered and excited when my G/F's 20 Y.O. daughter flirted with me.... but after I experienced a 2-quart saucepan administered across the back of my head, I came to my senses.... and it wasn't nearly so flattered or excited after that.....
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A
female
reader, G's_Girl  +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Hi Anonymous,To answer your question: "is it bad that I kind of enjoy the attention" -it's not necessarily bad, it's dangerous. You are courting disaster because spending lots of time with someone you consider FUN, who is your boyfriend's best friend, is a recipe for disaster. Not only might he be testing you, but he is using the time his best friend is away to move on his territory. You need to show loyalty, faithfulness and trust to your boyfriend by not courting these ideas, and avoiding a lot of time alone with this best friend of his. Keep in mind what you told us: you love your boyfriend and your relationship and don't want to jeopardize it. Well then, you need to set boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not, and having his best friend flirt with you while your boyfriend is away is looking for trouble. You are "trying so hard to keep it at friendship" that already shows you are wrestling with it.Thinking what it would be like to hook up with this guy is emotional check-out from your boyfriend. Spend much less time with this "buddy" and spend much more time connecting with your boyfriend by sms, calls, skype, and any way you have to keep the home fires burning so when he returns you resume this relationship you are so happy to have with him.Yes, that is what it will come to. You don't need to avoid his calls, but be busy with OTHER people and activities that will enrich you with fulfillment apart from a flirty guy. I don't think you are losing your feelings for your boyfriend. I think it's a case of, out of sight, out of mind for you and if you value him and what you have, do your part to keep it alive. Also share with him how you are struggling with the time apart, so he knows to be extra attentive to you. The excitement is temporary with this buddy because it's someone new and dangerous, but you will feel lousy if you cross the boundaries, and worse, you will lose what you treasure most!Guard your heart. Contact your boyfriend, share how you miss him and are struggling, and give him the opportunity to flirt and show you the attention you crave and need.Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (27 June 2012):
 You are sending the message to the friend that you are available even though you have a boyfriend. I would consider how your boyfriend would feel if he knew you were doing this. Also, how would you feel if the tables were turned, you were the one out-of-town, and your boyfriend was flirting with your best girlfriend behind your back? If you love your boyfriend and your relationship, then you will stop doing this just because you want the attention. That sounds like a really selfish way of hurting your boyfriend to me. If you don't want your boyfriend anymore, and want to flirt with other men, and date around, then you need to break up with him.
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