A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here is my situation:I got dumped exactly one month ago, by my girlfriend of two years, who I dated throughout high school and into university. It was completely unexpected,I had no idea what was coming up, she simply stated that she didn't have feelings for me anymore and that we "should be friends". I told her I needed space to recover. It didn't take me long to recover, about 4 weeks. Two days ago I asked her to meet up, since I needed some answers, and I thought I had gotten over her. What I found out was that she was seeing another person who was 24, 6 years her senior(she is 18, and so am I), and she told me the reason she broke it off with me was because she had fallen for this guy. She then told me she had to leave to meet up with her new boyfriend.I put on a brave face and pretended not to care and I even smiled, but deep inside I was shattered. I felt betrayed, angry (to her and the new guy), jealous of the new guy and above all, it felt so UNFAIR.For the past two days I have been feeling so much guilt, I keep feeling that if I was more nosy (ie reading her texts, emails, kept track of her) I would still have her. On top of that all I can think of keeps switching between all the great memories (all the intimate moments and dates we had), and how this new guy gets to enjoy these, whilst I suffer alone. Thinking about the new guy makes me want to bash my head on a brick wall. The memories also make me sad as I know I will never experience these moments with her again. What hurts even more is that she's already moved on, whilst I still suffer.I feel so hopeless. Before I had a hope, that I would be with her again some time later, after she realised how much a of a mistake it was for her to dump me. But I have lost that hope now, seeing that she literally replaced me the next day.I've tried participate in some of my hobbies and activities that I used to enjoy, but no longer.Everything I do seems to be another painful reminder! What can I do to get over her, or move on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everything guys, I will try go NC for a couple months to calm down, and also improve my personal qualities so she will come running back to me!
A
male
reader, grymsoul  +, writes (27 June 2012):
 I too have been down this road before, TWICE. I know how difficult it can be to let go of that person that seemed to be THE ONE. I know how agonizing it feels to be replaced so easily. You must be aching tremendously on the inside. I'm afraid there's nothing that can really be done to make the pain go away instantly. Infact, the best advise I can give you is to CRY YOUR F*CKING HEART OUT. Just let out all of the pain and anguish you have on the inside. Don't pretend to be macho. Go somewhere secluded and let yourself feel the pain. If you bottle it up inside, it will only eat away at you. Let yourself miss her. Let yourself love her. Let yourself remember ALL the good times you and she had. After that, though, move on. You can still remember how you still loved her but you'll have to accept that she wasn't the one for you. I've been through this process, TWICE. I can honestly say that I'm sooo much more happier on my own than I was in that relationship. When the pain was fresh, I thought I had lost everything important to me. But a year after the break-up, I could clearly see the faults in our relationship. I now clearly see that the split was coming. Back then I was just too blind to notice. Now I feel so free and refreshed. No significant other to hold me down. No girl to ask me for money or want to know where I am at all times. No insecurites about how I look to her. I feel so new and determined in life.Give it a try. I know it's hard to see this kind of future now but give yourself the time to grieve. Let it all out. Accept that you two had something special. Accept that she now finds happiness with another. And you too shall find love once again, whether it is inner love or the love of another. Before you know it, you'll be wondering why you ever felt so much pain for her in the first place.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 June 2012):
 4 weeks into being dumped you wanted answers. you thought you were ready. clearly you were not.
she could have lied and cheated instead she hurt you by doing the stand up thing and ending it... it still hurts especially since you were not expecting it.
This really is not about your failures as a person or boyfriend although I am sure you see it that way. This is about the fact that at 21 you grow and mature and change from 18.
IT sucks. I know.
be strong. go no contact. you have your answers and to be honest you won't understand this but HER LEAVING IS NOT ABOUT YOU, IT'S ABOUT HER... her behavior is no reflection on you as a person...
give yourself a few more weeks to get on and get out and meet folks... tread lightly... don't rebound into a relationship too quickly...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): You just have to give it time. Don't think you won't feel the same about anyone again, in time YOU WILL. She fell out of love with you - you have to remember that you got together quite young and it's not often that first long time loves turn out to be THE ONE. So I wouldn't get bitter because she has moved on, life is just like that sometimes. Be hopeful and look forward.
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A
female
reader, G's_Girl  +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Dear Anonymous,Sorry that you got dumped a month ago. After two years, the fact that it happened so unexpectedly for you and you had no idea it was about to happen, makes it harder to get over.You did well in taking some time out afterwards, to think and recover, and then you got to the "why" phase? Even though it was horrible news for you, at least now you know and you won't be left wondering why forever. You have your answers, so you can get closure. She did the right thing too - by breaking up with you when she found someone else; and by agreeing to meet up with you later to give you the answers you wanted. She was honest enough to admit there is someone else, and you can now move on, difficult as it may be.Well done for putting on that brave face! You left with dignity, and perhaps one day she will realise what she lost, perhaps not, but this is about you. All your feelings of it being unfair, the betrayal, hurt, anger, jealousy, it's all normal under the circumstances. In time, it too shall pass.Don't berate yourself or feel guilty for not keeping closer tabs on her. You were an upstanding boyfriend who trusted her, and even if you had been nosy, you can't stop or control anyone or their feelings. You can merely love them to the best of your ability, and if they are with you, it's because they want to be, not because they are forced or being checked on. In time, there will be someone who feels about you, as you do about them. Try and not focus on what her new guy is doing, or their togetherness. That is a recipe for more pain and hurt. Instead, remember your own memories with her fondly, take the good out of it, and let the rest go, bit by bit. It's like your life is a book, and she was a Chapter or two in your book of life. Now you need to remember that Chapter with love, and look forward to the next Chapters that may bring even better and greater things for you. The way you are shattered, suffering, hopeless, hurt...someone is going to appreciate that so much about you one day. The fact that you love so deeply and with everything in you, to feel that way now. You will recover fully, and you will meet someone else who will appreciate everything about you, forever. Not for a day, week, month or 2 years, but forever. You just have not met her yet ;-) Listen to the song by Michael Bubble "I just haven't met you yet" and have hope!Think of what you had, and can still have. Don't think in terms of what you lost. That will just keep the wound open. Close the wound by talking about it, processing it in your mind, and putting it behind you one day at a time. Focus on getting through one day at a time, and one day you will look back and be surprised at how at peace you feel.You are grieving the loss of her, so that's why your usual hobbies and activities feel less enjoyable. You are numb, and need time to heal. It will come, be patient with yourself. Research articles on grief of loss of a relationship, and follow the guidelines. Focus on you, not her anymore. What do you want to do with your life? Are you studying still, or working? If studying, get the best grades so you have a bright future in your career ahead. If you are working already, get involved with projects which mean something to you. Be busy with things that fulfill you. Give family and good friends your attention. Be a good friend - share with them, and listen to them too. Be supported and encouraged through this difficult time. Continue the hobbies and activities, day by day she will become a distant memory and you will find renewed enjoyment and happiness in the things you are passionate about. In time, you will realise you think less of her, until eventually she is just a small part of your heart that you loved, and is now an old Chapter. You will meet someone else, and you will love and be loved again. Trust and believe in that. Keep the faith, and stay hopeful and positive.We all send you strength, support, encouragement and care hugs for what you're going through! You're not alone, and you will SMILE and BE HAPPY again one day.Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): dont be mad bro, she'll be back, just get a chick straigtht away and block all her calls txt, go NC. N WHAT WHAT HAPPENS. DO THIS FOR ABOUT A M?ONTH. make her miss u dude. TRUST ME
this only works for those who dont chase the girl, its called going NC (no contact)
START IT NOW!
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (27 June 2012):
 I know how you feel, but she broke up with you and you needed to know the details. Did those details help or hurt you? Sometimes when someone breaks up with us, it is a good thing. Would you realy want to be with someone who was seeing someone behind your back? She was honest with you and stopped seeing you when she realized she liked someone else. She even met you later and discussed with you why she broke up. Some people never get answers as to why someone broke up. Snooping into her texts and emails would have done nothing except show how low you would have stooped to be deceptive. She was honest, accept what she told you even though it hurts. Most of us have been through a bad break-up (some of us have been through more than one). We know how devastating it can be. For awhile, it makes you feel worthless. All you can do is continue to move forward. Take time to let yourself grieve, heal, and keep living your life each day. You will make it and will likely find someone else who really likes/cares about you. You will never forget the special relationship with her, but these things happen for a reason.
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A
male
reader, 83puremage1  +, writes (27 June 2012):
All I can say she clearly had betrayed you and now the only thing you can do is avoid her as much as you can. I used to be in a similar situation as you so I know how you feel but you got to tough it out.
Life is unfair as you said, so now you should try to talk to your friends and spend more time with them.
Good luck
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