A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For about 10 years, I carried a secret in my family, since I was 15 years old. It was very heavy for me, but I thought from some maybe obedience that I can’t say it, as I was told that I just can’t say it. Then I broke the silence after 10 years and said it. And now I don’t know how to fill this space - keeping the secret made me strong before, but didn’t have much of my own life. Now without the secret I feel weaker, like it’s not me, but maybe it’s real me, I just wasn’t used to it for such a long time. Please help, I don’t know how to fill the empty space ... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Hi my dear, it sounds to me like you may of told someone about abuse - such as sexual abuse or something else very heavy and troubling to you.
If this is right, do not be afraid. You did the right thing. It was not your burden to bear and you are allowed to feel free and allowed to cry if you need and also to feel happy whenever you like. Try and find new things to protect yourself regardless of what this secret was.
Such as making sure you live in a safe place with nice people.
Meeting good people.
Doing nice things for yourself.
Having a foot or back massage regularly will help you relax until you know what to do next to help your feelings of hollowness.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (2 March 2011):
Hi there. You released a burden - the secret - is it possible you are afraid of being judged?
Maybe it depends on who you told.
As you haven't mentioned feelings of this, I don't believe that's the case.
You protected your secret for some time, then decided to let it go. It was time.
It's a sort of grieving if you like, towards letting it go. Allow yourself to feel that grief, there is no other way.
But letting it go, was necessary. It's another life stage. It was probably getting in the way of happiness and moving forward.
Everything happens for a reason.
You just need to work out now, what it is you want from life.
Work out what you don't like - and eliminate or change those things as necessary.
Then one by one, eliminate or change every single thing in your life that you don't like and that make you unhappy.
Then through the process of elimination, you will gradually remove from your life the things you don't like and at the same time, start ADDING things to your life that you do enjoy.
Then you will create a much needed balance.
It will probably take a few months, but the journey will be well worth it.
Don't feel any guilt - there is no need.
Take care and best wishes.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 I would have first thought you would have felt relieved, instead of empty and hollow. But strangely enough I can understand this. I think it is almost like people who carry a grudge around with them. They do it not only because they were hurt, but because it fills them up and gives them something inside them, a purpose of sorts.
But ultimately, it is like filling yourself up with junk food. Like a grudge, a secret makes you more separate from humanity. Maybe it even became part of your identity, and how that you are free from it, you are wondering, "Who am I now?"
I think it is like a bad relationship: now you are free to discover who you are REALLY. The secret was a false identity and a hollow purpose. You need to go out and see what you really makes you special, in terms of interests, talents, friends. Just have patience and give yourself time to fill the emptiness with good things.
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