A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:how do you survive after the cheating..? i finally left my husband for 5 years who cheated on me many times.. but i don't know how to deal with the pain
View related questions:
cheated on me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 write down every bad thing he ever did, write down the way he made you feel. getting things out of your head and onto paper helps.
start looking at yourself as someone who did a brave thing in leaving because she refused to be a doormat anymore and she is now free to accept dates with other guys in the future who may very well be the trustworthy and honest man she needs, rather than stick with the ex husband who has proved that he is a failure in that regard.
don't blame yourself for his affairs. start to realise that some people are just programmed to behave in that way, and as such there is nothing you could have done differently to prevent it. learn about womanisers and what makes them tick. you will see that very often the problem was in them LONG before you met them and you will learn how to quickly spot womanising traits in men you may meet in the future so you can bin them before you get too emotionally tangled with them.
see this as a new start. you haven't lost anything worthwhile, you have gained your freedom and a life of opportunity lies ahead of you, plus you are wiser from your experience with him.
see your friends and family as much as you can, plan fun things to look forward to in the future, a holiday or even just days/nights out.
look after yourself physically, this will help you mentally. eat properly, drink plenty of water, get exercise, get outdoors, avoid drugs and alcohol - they make you feel worse. get a hobby to fill the time that you would have spent with him, but also learn to love your own company too. read books, come to dear cupid and post questions whenever you want some help and reply to people too who may be in the position you are in now. i have given advice to people on subjects that have been having the same problem with and i find it a useful way of giving therapy to myself.
you have done the right thing. 5 years is long enough to waste on a cheater. feel lucky that you did not stick around to make it 10, 20 even.
you WILL get over these feelings, it just takes time. there is no real way to avoid it, but i hope you find something in my answer that will make the time easier
best wishes
x
A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 Obviously you do know how to deal with the pain, you took the hardest first step you could take, you left, now the most important thing is that you don't go back, DO NOT SIT AROUND AND THINK ABOUT IT! how could it hurt any worse then having someone you love cheat on you? Im at a loss, you dont need to be cheated on especially if you are faithful, think positive about the negative situation, hard as it is, just keep yourself busy, and know that you will get through this, but do not ever go back! please!
...............................
A
female
reader, a_maldita +, writes (28 June 2011):
 It's very frustrating I know. Ive been under a lot of stress lately because of the thought that my bf is cheating on me. I know it would be very hard to move on plus the breaking up is very bad. But I'm sure you get through it. We just need to be stronger each day... You did the right thing of finally stepping out of the relationship that is causing you so much pain. Just put in your mind that you deserve a better husband since he is not worthy of your love after all. Cry as long as you want and let it all out you will be fine...Make some plans with your friends to loosen up a little.Good Luck!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): Yes its not going to be easy but trust me you have already made huge progress by finally walking away, and please dont go back. That will probably be the biggest test still to come and you wouldn't want to boost his stupid ego by going back. Whatever you do please dont go back. At times you may have to force the tears and the overwhelming pain back, but trust me it will get better...... It does get better.
...............................
A
female
reader, sweetiebabes +, writes (28 June 2011):
 At this moment you are grieving and it is normal. What you can just do right now is think of what is best for you and have a peaceful mind for yourself. Now is the time to think about yourself and focus on what you want to do with your life. if you have a child/ children and work, you can start focusing on these areas. It may be hard from the beginning but if you have a life to focus on and you are determined to make things better for yourself, you can do it. You made the right decision of leaving your husband, temporarily. But find the right time to talk with him and tell him how he made you feel. Sit with him and discuss the problems of your marriage and resolve the issues. Deal with the cause of your marital problems with honesty and open communication. Know what you both want in your relationship and if it is still worth keeping despite shortcomings.Right now,focus on yourself of what you want and heal from the pain. By the way, you need to have a positive attitude in dealing with your pain. Don't register in your mind about his cheating ways and the women with him, this will not help you. Rather, know the cause why these things happened. This kind of problem is not only about him but this is also about you. Take care.
...............................
|
