A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:I Have been married for nearly 40 years. I married when very young. How can i get my husband to respect me? I have 2 children. The first left when he was 16 as he saw a lot going on here. The 2nd my husband loves very much. I have helped him to do this over the years as he had a lot of problems with parents not being loving etc. At first i brought them up really without much help. Now he lets my daughter speak to me as she likes. I am not a good fighter and they are. They are both strong. When my daughter is in a mood she will be shouting at me and nasty and he tells me to be quiet and to stop. By then i have usually walked on glass as i do with him for hours. It does take a lot out of me. I have had all sorts of other problems with him over the years. I tried this morning after 2 weeks of him not talking to me again, (it used to be about 6 where he wouldn't talk but he grunts if he has to answer me) to try to gently ask why he thought I was not like them and why he didn't stand up for me. I even told him something my daughter had said 2 days later which was that he had got cross at me and it was her fault as she started taking the pill that day which made her angry. I do not smother them. I usually know when they are stressed or angry and don't bother them but they pick at everything. I must admit i don't like a fight and never have. I would rather say sorry for something that i don't even know what i have done than live a life like this any more. I have said sorry for anything i have done with my son and he still wont talk to any of us, that is, my mum, sister, dad, husband, daughter, anyone. He did see a lot though. My husband had another shout at me this mornng and slammed the door at 5.30 after i had got up to do his breakfast early and wave him off. I am a disabled lady with nowhere to go and no friends. I am at my witts end really and don't like to be so alone without support all the time. I love them both very much but they are not botherd about me. All they do is get angry. I know they are different in as much as they get on with their life and i am sensitive but it is getting so beyond everything i can handle. He hasn't beaten me since 2002 but still gets very angry. I had to stand up for myself and gave him an ultimatum back then that he should say sorry or i would go. He started walking off from supermarkets and when we were out then. Now he seems to be doing the same thing. He was pushing me around the supermarket 2 weeks ago and he walked away after waving his fingers in my face. I just went around the supermarket looking for him and after about 20 minutes or so i sat and read a book i had in my pocket while waiting. It got near closing time and i asked someone when they closed. I eventually went to pay and he jumped out from behind me and said he was there all the time, which he wasn't. He has let me know he doesn't want to push me in the chair by shuving the wheelchair in my back while putting it in the car. He doesn't get anything for caring for me so i understand it must be hard for him but he only pushes me when i have to go shopping one evening a week. We went to couples therapy during the real beat up before 2002 and they helped him a bit though he wasn't very helpful but eventually after i told him i would leave (i gave him 2 weeks to apologise and had my bags packed) on the last day i asked for the apology and he whispered it. I said i wanted it properly or i would go. He spoke a bit louder and i still couldn't hear it so i asked for it louder and he gave it with a lot of anger. I stayed. He hasn't hit me again though he gets very angry. This morning he said he wouldn't ask anyone to stop then re: what happened with my daughter. He is deliberately not taking what i say in. IS he ever going to treat me nicely? I am always keeping the peace. What should i do? I am quite ill anyway. He knows i have kidney disease at stage 3 and many other things. What do i do? I am at my witts end again. This is my marriage and very important to me. I never used to go out and was always in. I now go to my local congregation on a Sunday just to get away from him. He so hurts me always. It seems we never have a good time together unless he is with his daughter. By the way i love my daughter very, very much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): I'm very sorry you are ill. :( Kidney disease is a terrible thing.
I'm also sorry because I don't think he will ever respect you have 40 years. And what is worse that your daughter seems to behave like him.
I do not like in the UK so I don't know what services you have there. But you sound very abused and if there is some type of battered woman's shelter that can take you in, that might be a wise choice. You've had such a hard life it seems, and do you want to spend the rest of it continuing to be abused? You say you have no friends even, so you are totally cut off from the world, and disabled, too. But I hope you are not trapped. There must be somewhere you can go to get help. Perhaps even your congregation as you said you've been attending church. Perahps your minister will have some ideas of how to get help.
I hope that you find a better place for yourself.
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