A
female
age
36-40,
*ittykins
writes:Hi there:) I was just wondering if you guys could clarify something for me. I dumped my ex in April after an extremely difficult 3 year relationship. To cut a long story short: he drank too much, treated me like dirt, took me for granted with his childish behaviour and controlling tactics. I poured my heart and soul into it and worshiped him. But, he threw it back in my face and idolised his female friend over me (see my previous questions for details on her if you want them)My life has turned around completely since then, and I finally feel happy. Yet, a month ago he emailed me out of the blue to ask if I could help him with finding a new place to live as he couldn't stand living with his female friend anymore (they are best friends, like brother and sister, nothing sexual). I saw this as a desperate ploy to speak to me, so I ignored it. Then 2 weeks ago, he started calling me. I ignored the calls, too. I'm confused over what is going on. I think he thinks that he can still exert control over me and that I'll end up a FWB for him... Do you think I'm right?Thanks xxx
View related questions:
best friend, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): Aww bless ya :-) we care and don't want to see you sad and hurt when you are happy and we want you to realise your worth more than an abusive man. take care
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 August 2011):
his motives don't matter. what matters is you continue to ignore him and not feed his emotional attempts to be with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, kittykins +, writes (11 August 2011):
kittykins is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou all so much for your support and advice, and for putting my mind at rest:)It means a lot xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (11 August 2011):
 You are right on track sweetheart! Keep the flag flying high. No contact, no contact, no contact.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): Yeah sounds like to me it's finally hit him that you are gone and he misses you. The fact you didn't even reply to his email, he now KNOWS you're serious and don't want to talk to him. He panicked, he's so curious where you are and what you're up to he felt the need to call you.It's quite amusing how he emailed you mentioning how he couldn't stand living with his friend any more (he obviously knew she was one of the problems in the relationship), so he used her in the email thinking you'd be like 'wow, he finally doesn't care about his best friend and he's interested in me again'. But no, you wasn't interested and didn't email back. I'd let him suffer, like he made you. Like you say, you're really happy now so why let him spoil that? Unless you want to contact him for anything, I'd continue in what you're doing and ignore his calls.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): You did the right thing~ you left an abusive relationship while you still had a sense of self and a chance to be happy.
DO NOT GO BACK. Do not contact him or have any contact with him.
TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.
Signed, A woman still stuck married to the guy you described because I waited too long.
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (10 August 2011):
 I think he is contacting you because he senses a disturbance in the force..IE, you are happy again.
Three to four months is pretty common for an ex to poke at the cooled off coals to see if there is any warm embers left to start something back up.
What does he want? What is his motivation? Who knows and who cares! It is called a break up because something is broken! Keep ignoring his calls and send that message that you are not interested.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): well he can only control you if you let him! we teach people how to treat us and if he controls you, it's because you let him. I know this because I've been their.
welldone anyway, i admire you for staying strong and not giveing into calls and messages. completly fuck him off if you know what's good for you. I'm sure he will get the message sooner or later.
you don't need people like that in your life and abusive people don't change, so don't try kid yourself because you will be playing with your happiness and peice of mind.
I'm sure you have already realised your worth more than that, so stick to it and don't let your emotions get in the way if you know what's good for you.
good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): Yes, you are exactly right. Given enough time, he thinks you'll forget all the bad things he did like most women do who end up in the situations you mentioned, like FWB. Keep remembering all the crap he put you through vs the good times and keep ignoring him! It may piss him off that you ignore him but he'll secretly respect you for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (10 August 2011):
 Maybe things didn't turn out so cosy with his best female friend, so now he misses you. But you left for a reason, and have finally started to feel happy again. So if I were you, I wouldn't risk messing up your life again by letting him back in. Whether he wants FTW or a full relationship with you again, that didn't work out before. So unless he has miraculously changed his personality, things will end up as they were. Unless you want that again, keep ignoring his calls.
...............................
A
male
reader, Azza +, writes (10 August 2011):
You have handled it well and maybe have the jist of his intentions.
I have had something similar, but I was the one dumped. She has since text and called me after three months saying she misses me etc
I'm not sure how this all relates because the sexes are opposite, but you are a lot happier now and no contact is always the best way in my opinion.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): Yes it sounds as if he wants to et back into your life. I would simply tell him that you've moved on and don't want any more contact. Then ignore calls texts. Don't be tempted to help him with whatever he wants because he will manipulate you. Stay happy and free.
...............................
|
