A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Iv been seeing my boyfriend for over a year and im questioning on how he really feels about me? When we email he does say he loves me but finds it a bit awkward to say !i love you" when we are together and i usually have to say it 1st.Thats not the real problem though.On valentines day he didn't buy me anything...ok he did say he didn't believe in that money making thing etc and i said ok.But for my birthday he didn't get a chance to go shopping for my present because he does work very funny hours..i understood that but what he did instead was order me underwear online...he asked me to choose...so i chose a bra, matching knickers and he said i could have some black stockings.Anyway that was my present but i thought deep down it was rather tacky...i mean it felt like the present was really for him...i didn't want to sound ungrateful but i felt a bit cheap...Am i being selfish to think like that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): To be honest, I sort of understand what you are asking, he obviously finds you sexually attractive, but doesnt see you as a sex object, otherwise you would have got the tacky Ann Summers stuff. As you like underwear he tried to find a present you would apprieciate. I think you should enjoy your present, at least he didnt ignore your birthday or worse still send you a cheque!
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (7 May 2010):
 I don't think he is necessarily a bad man, just a hopeless shopper. I appreciate that you may have thought the underwear was a bad choice but at least he tried to get something. I had to 'educate' my now-husband when we were dating about gifts as I started getting fed up of soggy petrol-station flowers that die in a day and revolting cuddly toys. I think there is no reason why you cannot say to him (somewhat as a joke) that you don't need any more knickers and give him specific ideas about the sorts of things you do like. I have been buying presents for my mother on behalf of my father every christmas and birthday time for about 20 years...the one year I didn't intervene he bought her a new frying pan from santa! It doesn't mean they don't want to make an effort, it is just some people have no clue about buying gifts.
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A
female
reader, arie  +, writes (7 May 2010):
 yea that definitely was a gift for him. my thing is u should give him little hints on what u like without really telling him straight up, but u still have to be thankful that he gave u a gift at all okay.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): If you already have a lot of sexy underwear, he probably figured that you love that kind of thing. I can see that you would feel disappointed, but try not to dog on the guy too much. Guys are terrible shoppers, and he probably didn't know what to get you. I used to work at a store, and men would pick out just horrific things for their wives and girlfriends. Be thankful you got to pick out something you will actually use.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont think i did bring it on myself...we were emailing each other and he said he wanted to buy me some lingerie..i felt i couldn't say no so he bought something offline for me.My birthday came and went so it was the following week that he decided to get me something.I think you might of been right about buying my present a bit earlier but i guess we are talking about guys here.What my main concern is does he just see me as a sexual plaything?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't ask for stockings but i do wear them...i have loads of sexy underwear and my fella didn't buy the underwear from Ann Summers it was from La Senza..he did ask me what brands i liked...i didn't want to appear rude and say i didn't want underwear.Do you get my point now?
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A
female
reader, purple_butterfly  +, writes (7 May 2010):
Yeah, I understand why you would feel weird. The gift was rather tacky. But guys are not mind readers and most times , they have no clue as to what goes on in our minds. Next time you have a conversation about gifts, throw in some gifts that you'd usuallly like
example: I loveee rosessss or alarm clocks or whatever...
lol
I hope that helps.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (7 May 2010):
 I'm a firm believer in two things when it comes to presents: 1) they don't have to be expensive to be good. 2) They should always be thought out.
I guess I could add a third that the present can be an indication of how well someone knows you.
Ultimately, if you like the gift, then it's fine, but that doesn't sound like the case. Maybe he should not have procrastinated and given it a bit more fore thought.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWould it of made any difference if he went out and get it? Would the present be any special? He was working nights during my birthday so was difficult to actually go out and buy anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): Underwear is something very personal. You can get some really lovely, well made undies, that make you feel good, and look nice.... and then there is the cheap tat you get from Ann Summers. THAT is tacky. Underwear that is designed purely to titilate the male ego is not my idea of a nice Birthday present.
BUT.. Did he actually say you had to buy "sexy" underwear?
You didnt have to buy sexy underwear. YOU had the choice as to what you actually got.
Why did you choose sexy, with stockings? Undewear is not just for sex, it is functional too! It would have been a lovely opportunity to just get yourself some new nice undies!!!
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