A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I usually really great sex, but usually he's the one taking the lead. I've felt bad several times because I still feel shy and embarrassed to even talk about how I feel. I had hoped he was okay with that because in a way, I'm too scared to take charge or anything. Just a while ago however, he expressed his desire for me to participate more than just moving around. He wants me to talk to him and take the lead once in a while. I understand this completely. It's not fair if I expect him to do everything... but I don't know what to do. I get choked up and nervous just thinking about talking and it's like my voice just stops working. It's not that I don't want to, I just feel like I'm physically incapable. How do I get over this and be able to do the things he wants without completely shutting down? I feel very self conscious about it and don't want it to become a big problem that could potentially ruin our relationship...
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male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (11 February 2013):
My ex was like that, and she had more experience than me, maybe he just needs to slow down alot and do things gradually, e.g if your starting off with kissing get him to be real slow and gentle around your lips, neck e.t.c until you feel comfortable and start responding when your ready then take the next step and the next e.t.c until your fully comfortable. When you are in the mood but your not comfortable perhaps start very subtle and nothing that would make you feel shy to do. Perhaps start with slowly rubbing his chest, light kisses here and there, and make sure he doesn't jump the gun and throw you on the bed and take it 10 degrees higher. Like the anonymous OP wrote, get him to relax more and you do things and if he can't help but jump you again, tie him up haha.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): I was that way but eventually became very comfortable. i think i became comfortable with it because i started to read books and i even watch porn and i say watch because i still do to learn a thing or two. I educated myself with whatever was out there and i am glad i did. Im actually more comfortable. With it than my man now lol.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): Maybe he needs to be more passive, I mean he cant expect to always take the lead then wonder why you aren't, right? If the minute things start heating up he is doing this and that well then maybe he needs to just do nothing and go along with whatever you are doing. My ex was sort of bossy in bed and it killed my mood. My present bf is more in tune with me and sometimes he takes the lead and other times I do and I have no hesitation about it and it feels natural.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (5 February 2013):
Hi there. You just need to be honest with him about how you feel, and that you don't feel confident to take the lead right now.
As you are so young, it's likely that you haven't had a lot of experience anyway, so that's quite understandable.
And quite obviously, it would be much easier for you to instigate things happening, if you are more in the mood than at other times.
For instance, you wouldn't want to initiate things, if you are not really in the mood in the first place, would you?
Your heart would not be in it.
Perhaps start kissing and touching him, when you are really feeling like making love, and in the mood.
You don't have to do anything fancy, just whatever you usually do, that's all.
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