A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have recently moved in with my boyfriend of 2 years, we have always argued due to my insecurites, his ex, work mates and the amount of time he spends with his family rather than with me but since we have moved in i feel that i have become more secure and have eased up alittle. He on the other hand has become quite distant, he puts me down saying i dont do anything in the flat and picks on everything i say and do. I feel unloved and useless. I am making a real effort with my jealousy, i have befriended his ex and bite my tongue when he visits his family everyday!! I need reassurance and some love from him but he says he cant until he gets it from me, i try but he rejects me - how can we get out of this rut and get back to enjoying our relationship and friendship?
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his ex, jealous, moved in, puts me down, unloved Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cocoqueen88  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 sounds like you 2 didn't really think about what actually happens when you move in with someone else. they don't change at all.. in fact you get to see the REAL them. and if this is really him then you need to move out and try it from a distance so you can both get it together.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 The problem is not really his spending time with others. It's when you are alone together you can't have fun. You haven't thought about if moving in was a good idea. It's more than just love, it's whether two people can stand each other. It doesn't look like you had done anything wrong. Men pick on women because they feel bad about themselves so he needs to think he's higher than you. He doesn't inspire the best woman in you. His flat is a hostile environment. A person's living space talks a lot about his mind. You had got to know the real him. He isn't aware he has issues and is not going to talk about his feelings any time soon. He's arrogant and he doesn't look at you as an equal. You can't be with a person you can't talk to and be listened to.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (2 August 2010):
 Good relationships should give each other independance as well as time together. Maybe it was too soon to move in?
You could try taking a break away from each other and see if that helps? But talk it through first and give your reasons for taking the break.
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A
male
reader, MAX D  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 There is nothing as bad as feeling unloved specialy when you say you are trying.You say that he has become quite distant,have you spoken to him about if not you should.You also have to tell him that he is hurting you by the way he is speaking to you.Try and find something that you enjoy doing toghter and do it mabe a picnic.You also might have to ask him does he want to be in this relationship or not and if he does to start making an efford.Take care Max D.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): You said that he visits his family everyday, alright, maybe his misses his family and that is normal I think. But not treating you and your relationship good, something is wrong.
I think most importantly,
(1).You need to talk to him. Find a suitable time to discuss this matter to him close. Of course you must give time for him to speak, try to talk in a soft way. Remember don't be rude or anything. You want the conversation to be a successful one.
(2).Try to get along together, why don't you both spend sometime in the weekend for an outing? For example, have a walk out, it can be anywhere, a park, shopping areas, just have walk have some talk. I think one of problem is relationships is that they don't spend enough time together and that what makes a relationship to become poor.
(3).Try to figure out the problem. For a few days, think and watch what is not correct. Maybe he is thinking that you have not done something correct at the moment and he doesn't react the way it should to you. Find the problem, solve the problem!
Lastly, be strong and be brave! Good Luck!
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