A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I, an American, am overweight. I'm 5'7", 195lbs, a size 14/16, and it's all in my gut. :( This is partly do the fact that when I was younger, I had surgery and was put on steroids--I was 150 pounds by the time I was 2 (seriously)!My bf (of 10 months) has never said anything about my weight. For better or worse. This will probably sound weird, but he and I met through a videographed teleconference when he was planning on coming to my university as an international student last December. Everything was set, and they then rejected his student Visa and he couldn't come. We've stayed together, however, for I will be going to his town for an internship next summer (which I had been granted BEFORE we got together--this is what sparked us to start talking).My bf is very fit. He's a soccer player, and he also lives overseas in a nation where...unlike America...being overweight is NOT the norm. We exchange pictures daily and he indirectly hints at his sexual attraction toward me as well as saying my photos are "cute," "beautiful," etc, but I still feel like my weight is a huge cloud hanging over my head. I really wish I could just address it with him and understand how he feels about my weight.In the past with my other bfs this hasn't been an issue because we lived near each other, saw each other almost every day, etc. Even if the subject was never brought up I was confident in their thoughts about my looks. To bring this up directly in a phone call with him, however, sounds really awkward. I really, really want to address it, though, whether it be him telling me he loves me for my personality or whatever. Not having this understanding is bothering me, day after day after day. Suggestions on what I can do? Thanks!
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female
reader, Sammycake  +, writes (7 October 2009):
 It sounds as if you're a similar build to myself. I've always been extremely uncomfortable with the way I look and no matter how flattering my clothes are, or how many diets I go on, I just stay the same shape. My boyfriend and I were friends before we built our relationship, and I always thought I was the dorky friend who he could turn to whenever he needed it. He's a very attractive man, I must say, and he could probably get any girl he desired. But when he turned around and kissed me for the first time, I was stunned!
It turns out that he found me attractive because I was more mature than the norm and dressed modestly with no silly haircuts etc.
So, don't panic, seriously. I never thought I'd find someone who wasn't repulsed by looking at me, and I imagine it's the same for you. This guy likes you a lot, and if you just talk to him he will understand about your insecurities. If he's worth sticking around for, then he'll show you how attractive he finds you.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, ellie:) +, writes (7 October 2009):
 if telling him about your weight would get you closer to him then do soo :) and you should always be confident in yourself :)
hope that helped:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): stop being concerned with it, i can't stress it enough. He likes you for you already, your appearance will not change that. i was the same way with a guy and eventually when we did meet nothing bad happened, he never said anything about it and i realized i had been worrying about something that was no big deal. I wouldn't bring it up, guys don't usually notice those kinds of things until the girl starts making it an issue. you're still young and learning to be confident with your body and yourself will come with time, but you should embrace whatever body you have and be confident in it, even if it's not like everyone else.
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